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straight guy attracted to gay guy


sf2011

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Im a straight guy. I love women. But there's a transgender that goes to my gym. Im very attracted to him/her. Im not sure how to feel about it . Its a weird feeling like she acts totally like a woman. From her clothes to her actions and everything. Im confused about what to do and how i should handle this. Any advice would be helpful . I really like her. But she's still a him ! What should i do ?

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So is the "gay guy" the transgender? You do know there is a difference, right? Or are they different people and you are also attracted to a gay guy?

 

Yeah...they aren't the same thing. Do you mean that the person is a male-to-female transgender individual? (In other words, born biologically male but identifying as female)?

 

If so, for all intents and purposes, she is female. Whether she has undergone the full transition (hormones AND surgery) or not is anyone's guess, but if she is truly transgender, she identifies herself as female regardless of whether she was born biologically a male.

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There's nothing wrong with being attracted to a transgender! Because you said it yourself? You like women. And that "he" turns out to be an attractive "she" and your brain can't decide what to "like" so your feeling allot of mixed signals! But it's up to "you" if you want to go that route.

If that person decided to look like a "he"? Would you still think the same way?

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First of all, being attracted to a transgender girl does not label you as "gay" and, even if it did, so what? OK, you might get a bit of prejudice but, certainly not from me.

 

However, there are certain practical considerations that could be a barrier. Unless she is post-op you will not be able to have sex with her as with a born woman. Also, if you get close enough to consider a long-term future, you will not be able to have your own biological children.

 

But if neither of those are dealbreakers for you, I would follow MHowe's advice and ask her out.

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Oh wow, welcome to the 21st century where this stuff is getting more common! How do you know this person is a transgender? Has she gotten surgery, is she totally finished transforming? Would you have even known she was previously a "he" if she didn't tell you or someone at the gym didn't? OP, if you are interested, well, even if you are not, you have to ditch the stereotyping. You are already calling her a "him/her". You are supposed to accept this person as a woman unequivocally. I think it's kind of rude to do otherwise. This person identifies as a woman and has probably had a VERY hard and confusing life.

 

OP, this is a tough topic. First and foremost, remember love has no barriers. If you like this person, then regardless of gender and things, you should give this person a chance. The fact is, she identifies as a woman and it is NOT "gay" for you to like her. And let me say, male-to-female transitions are extremely convincing. I suggest you do some research and googling on this. Sexual reassignment surgery is amazing these days, the truth is you can almost NOT tell the difference between a transgender female's genitals and a real females genitals. If she has had all her surgical work done, you should expect every inch of her to be female.

 

What you do have to worry about a couple things if you get serious with this person. Number one - you can never have a biological child with her. You can adopt or get a surrogate, but you will never have a child with both your own blood. It's kind of sad but medical science has not evolved enough yet to let a transgender reproduce. Number two - regardless of all her surgery and things, she will always have to fight her male biology. She will have to take medications consistently to stop testosterone from producing (called anti-androgen's) and take estrogen.

 

In the end - all I say is if you like her, as her out on a date. She may not even be interested and none of this matters. but if she is, take it very slow and just go with the flow. This person could be a wonderful human being and you two may have a great relationship together if you look past the transgender barrier. On the other hand, keep in mind what I said above, that it is an uphill battle for her still and that you cannot have a child with her. Also, this shouldn't matter, but be prepared for judgement from outsiders including your own family. Other people shouldn't have a say in love but somewhere down the road someone is going to say something hurtful about you being with a transgender woman and you have to be OK with that. Good luck.

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May be helpful to learn a little more about transgender people before you talk to her. She may be understanding of your inexperience, but it's always better to go into any situation with a little knowledge. I recommend watching some youtube videos:

 

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

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