Sad and having a hard time moving on

[Lost220]

Hello,

 

My boyfriend of 1.5 years recently broke up with me thru a text. I was heart broken. I thought I deserved more then a text even though he said he didn't plan it and was sorry.

I could sense things were off so I asked him if we were ok. He responded that he thinks we are wasting each others time and doesn't have the energy to fix us anymore.

Long story short this is are second time getting back together.

He broke up with me and we were trying again. We were only broken up for about a little over a month. The second time around, i dont think he was really trying that hard. He wasn't really communicating with me and we argued a lot and had a lot of misunderstandings. 😕

Anyways, we decided to exchange things we had at each others houses and that was really hard cuz he was really nice about it.

He told me he was sorry even tho it probably doesn't mean anything now as he hugged me I couldn't help but sob into his arms. That's probably the last time I'll ever see or here from him.

We haven't contacted each other since and I don't plan to even though I thought about it at first.

When it first happened, I thought about trying to change his mind and fighting for him but then I got some sense in me and decided not to. If he wants me in his life he would put me there.

Sorry so long, I'm in so much pain and Im trying to get thru it. I hear a lot of the same things and I've been reading a lot about break ups and healing.

Just curious if anyone else has any wisdom.

 

I want to move on I'm sure he has. I'm sick of dwelling and felling sorry for myself. I want him to be happy, but I guess I can't make him happy. I'm jealous of his future relationships and i don't want to be. He's a great guy and deserves to be happy.

Its so hard not to think about him or miss him. Its really sad.

 



I've heard and read it all before. Time heals all is that really true? And too keep myself distracted which is hard. I have a lot of things I could be doing I just never want to. I hate feeling this way and I don't want to

anymore.

 

I can't stop thinking about my ex boyfriend. I wonder if he's ok and of he thinks about the or misses me.

I suppose it doesn't really matter anyways. I am trying to focus on myself. I am so badly hurt.

I can't help but think in the back of my mind that he will contact me someday in the future. Maybe its just wishful thinking I guess he doesn't really have a reason to. Unless it's to just say hi or see how I'm doing. But I doubt it.

I'm just trying to move on and better myself as well as forgive him and myself.

I hope this gets easier. I really liked him. By no means have I or will ever contact him.

 



I could tell my boyfriend was about to break it off both times. I'd have to say one thing that hurt the most is his body language towards me when I wanted to kiss him when he came over.

 

Not sure if he realized it or not but he basically was very unhappy about it the look on his face his body language he basically didn't want to.

Not sure if its cuz he felt guilty and wanted to breakup but didn't know how or what.

I know he didn't want to hurt me.

I just wish he was more up front with it and talked to me how he was feeling versus a week later just breaking up thru text. Even if things would have ended the same.

 

I could tell something was wrong. He never wanted to deal with things with me. Maybe that's more him then me. The first time he broke it off he had to move and deal with things.

Instead of dealing with things together as a couple he breaks it off saying he has a lot to figure out now but maybe we can be friends or try again in the future.

It hurt me he didn't want my support. I just didn't understand it and still kind of dont. Usually want the support of your significant other.

 

 



 

I believe we eachanged our things on Saturday the 26th. It was really hard cuz he was nice about it. He hugged me as I sobbed in his arms and he said he was sorry even tho it doesn't mean anything now.

I was hesitant to hug back at first but I did anyways.

Then I cried more after he left.

 

I'm really mad at myself cuz I looked on his Facebook page and it made me feel really sad and I regret doing it.

I don't have Facebook but I looked using my best friends account. She's not friends with him on Facebook, so I couldn't see much on there which is probably a good thing.

 

I really regret it. I just wanted too look at pics. I think he recently updated his profile pic and is smiling. he even "liked" his ex girlfriends pic of her dog that he got her when they were together. (I don't really know when cuz I don't have Facebook or understand liking n such)

 

She also "liked" a few pics of his dog on his page and I don't want to think about it ever again but when I saw those things I felt very betrayed and sad.

 

I know it may not mean anything liking each others photos but it made me analyze things more and think about things I don't want to.

It literally made me cry. Wish I could undo seeing that cuz none of it matters it makes me have more questions and I feel a little jealous.

I want him to be happy but I'm still jealous about it cuz I don't know and I'm not ready to see or hear about that which is so stupid of me

 

 

his ex girlfriend liked a couple of pics of his dog and he like a pic of her dog.

This made me really upset even though it doesn't matter now and it might not mean anything.

He was with her for 5 years and he got her that dog when they were together but now he has a dog of his own.

 

 

 



I've been having a hard time with the break up. I have things I should do to keep me busy or my mind off of it and I'm going crazy with my thoughts. Its hard to even work and I don't want to do anything else.

 

I read things about breakups and coping all the time and I get it. We were not right for each other and I'm trying to move on and go through it.

My brain gets it kind of, but my heart doesn't. My brain and thoughts r always trying to find answers n fix it which it cant be fixed and I already know the answers so why can I just turn off my mind?

 

I need to discipline my thoughts better and try not to dwell n such but I cant. Its hard to eat and sleep most days and all I do is cry on and off and think and dwell.

Like I said b4, my brain gets it but heart doesn't. Im making myself slightly I'll and just can't deal at times.

 

Does anyone have solutions to heartbreak? Or mindful thinking? Anything? Please help

[JustWishing]

I am so sorry you feel this way. It is hard and all of us here in this forum know this, or we would not be here for each other. You are doing a good job not getting in contact with him. This is the best thing you can do right now. Keep it that way. No contact. Period. Please do not go on Facebook or any other Webpages to look at his picture. Don't look at any of his pictures. Period.

 

To answer your question. Yes, time will heel you and the longer you will have no contact with him, the better you will feel. It just takes time. Be strong! Most of us have done it at least once in our lives. And you can do it too!!!

[Clabs]

Oh Lost - ((((HUGS))))

 

It is a really sucky time when relationships end but you sound pretty smart because you list out all the emotions that EVERYONE goes through after a breakup.

 

It sucks because even relatively short relationships can be really so tough to get over.

 

There aren't any solutions to heartbreak, darling. If you are a loving and caring person then I am sure you invested what you thought was your best into the relationship, and that is why it hurts so much if things come to an end.

 

You do need to carry along on the dark path you are on for now but if you give it some time, then there WILL be brighter times ahead for you. I know, I know, it doesn't seem like it right when you are feeling at your lowest ebb.

 

You don't say how old you are and you didn't share much in the way of why you broke up twice. You might not want to share it here but you do need to try and pull yourself out of the relationship and be honest in what those reasons were. Did he have issues that contributed to this? Did you have issues that he couldn't deal with? Sometimes, relationships just run their course and there is not much you can do about that - you are incompatible - simple as. But if there are areas that you can identify from either side, then you need to try and use this time wisely and not allow those issues to arise in future relationships.

 

I don't know if my wafflings are any use but at the end of the day, you were not born joined at the hip with this guy and you WILL be ok without him.

 

Just try and stay on the road you are on because it will get easier and you will feel much better.

 

Take care

[Movingforward3]

I am so sorry you are hurting. It will get better with time. You need to go no contact. You need to delete his cell. You need to forget Facebook. Get rid of all gifts and photos and things that remind you of him. You need to focus on you. There is no us. Just a me. Exercise, eat healthy, get a hobby, visit friends and family. Stay busy! You can do,it! Good luck!

[Lost220]

I'm 31 and so is he we broke up the 1st time for pretty much the same reasons. He was going thru a hard time and had to move and he said he has to much to figure out right now. He said we could be friends and maybe try again in the future. It hurt me and was very confusing cuz usually you want to be with your boy/girlfriend especially when ur going thru a tough time. For support or just being there for them. But he pushed me away.

 

He also said I need to learn how to be happy on my own so he doesn't always have to be the positive motivator. He said he needed to work on things as well. I think his anger was one of them idk..

 

 

I didn't know if I could be friends with him as I still had feelings and I didn't want to rely on false hope on getting back together which I slightly did. We were only broken up for about a month the first time and I think I initiated most of it as far as texting goes.

 

Anyways, I tried to address things we had issue's with and every time I did he got really defensive and angry. Its like he kept shutting me out.

 

He did ask me if I had any ideas or solutions on things we could do but I didn't really know how to fix us or our problems and either did he.

I did mention communication to him a few times cuz there seems to be lack of it mostly from him.

 

He started to get more and more distant and I could tell something was bothering him. I think its cuz he wanted to break up with me again but didn't want to hurt me.. I think I even tried asking him what was bothering him a few times.

I just wish he told me when he first had those feelings even tho it would have ended up the same. So the second time we were together for about 4 months.

 

I'm not trying to make him out to be the bad guy but it seems that way cuz I'm writing this. He tried a little, I don't think he tried as hard as I did or even cared as much ad I did.

 

I just can't help but think what I put him thru even tho he put me thru a lot too.

I feel badly for making him mad, sad and possibly recentful of me cuz I was too emotionally dependent and attached in an unhealthy way.

 

I think he was really annoyed with me a lot.

 

Also, can't help thinking if I was less dependant on him maybe he would have been less distant and more supportive but idk. I can't go down this painful road its torture but I can't help but things might have been different. And I don't want to think and feel that like I said its painful but I can't help it.

 

Everyone has been telling me that no matter what I would have done or not done it still would have ended the same no matter what but its kinda hard to believe.

 

I don't want to be too emotionally dependent in my relationships that's not who I am and I wasn't like that in the beginning of our relationship.

It always seems to happen though. Now I feel like I lost myself and I don't even know who I am anymore and I don't want to do anything even tho should.

I don't want to wallow in this but get thru it. I'm having issues eating, sleeping, working, and doing things I use to enjoy.

Its like he took part of me with him and I'm so sad.

 

I guess I wasn't worth it to him and I wasted his time.

[SURPRISE]

The one thing I have learned through my first major relationship is that at over one year dating when she pulled away from me, I should have never looked back. We want people in our lives that will be there through hard times, not turn away. 9 months after splitting up, I foolishly called on her birthday because I still loved her. She came over crying and wanted me back telling me she was sorry for everything and she loved and missed me. We dated for a little over 3 years more and got married. 3 years in to the marriage she decided that I was not what she wanted and we got divorced. It wasn't like we fought all the time, she just could not find someone that she felt was better then me at the time so in her mind, she thought she had settled. The point here is that often people walk away because they have doubts. If they can't find someone they like more then you, they might be back, but do you really want that? They will tell you they need time, or some other excuse, but truth of the matter is that they have doubts. When a person is right for you they won't risk losing you.

[Lost220]

That really sucks. She had to have deep feelings for u if u guys were together that long but that's kinda harsh she "settled" thank you for your reply. I'm just really mad at myself for becoming too emotionally attached in an unhealthy way and he was right about it.

 

I realize it now and I wish I could tell him "I get it" he tried telling me b4 and I guess I didn't understand. We misunderstood each other a lot. We weren't on the same page.

I don't know why I have an urge to tell him that (not going to ever) but I do.I know it won't change anything or matter.

 

It is both of our faults but I think it was more one sided as time went on. I wish he was more honest with his feelings as they came instead of dragging it out. I mean there is no easy way to break up with someone but at least call instead of texting.

 

I'm going to miss him. I still do. Even though we had our issues and I'm deeply hurt I still have feelings unfortunately. I want them to go away. I'm sure his did. He's probably not having as hard of a time like I am. It sucks.

 

Even tho he had his flaws, he's still a really nice guy and good people are hard to find

I'm a Introvert and a homebody andi only have very few really close friends and its hard to meet people. In fact me and my former ex met on an online dating site.

 

Relationships are hard and I tend to get to emotionally dependent which I realize now and I'm trying to fix. By no means do i want to date anytime soon or if even at all. I only want/wanted him and he broke my heart twice.

I can't say I would respond to any contact if he ever reached out... It depends on what he would say and if that ever did happen, I think it would be a really really long time from now but its not likely which is good.

 

Since he had doubt's, he probably would again. I just get these feelings he might reach out n contact me in the future. Its probably just my subconsciousnes and wishful or hopeful thinking? Even tho I don't want it to happen

 

The sad thing is he probably thinks I'm waiting for him to take me back. Or i would take him back with no hesitation God I hope not. He might be realived its over which makes ms feel bad. The last we spoke about exchanging our things I mentioned something About him being happy, and he said just cuz we're not together doesn't make me a happier person.

Which kinda makes sense and Doesn't. I just need to stop analyzing everything.

[Lost220]

And no I wouldn't want someone to take me back cuz they can't find someone else. But I don't think I have to worry about that he doesn't want me and its over

[ntAgainPetunia]

I know it's hard, but you really need to stop trying to imagine what he is thinking. Only he knows what's in his head, and only he can live up to his own thoughts just as only you can live up to your own.

 

Focus on yourself and what you are thinking, what you are feeling, even if it's painful to do.

 

Remember, the only way out is through.

[JustWishing]

We misunderstood each other a lot. We weren't on the same page.

 

You know....if you two already had misunderstandings like that...this will never change. Not in the initial relationship, not the second and not the third time around either. You are not compatible with each other and as hard as it seems he is just not right for you. But I promise you, as time passes, you will feel better and find someone who in the end will be right for you. Move on and don't think of what could have been, because it simply shouldn't have been!!!

[saluk]

It is both of our faults but I think it was more one sided as time went on. I wish he was more honest with his feelings as they came instead of dragging it out. I mean there is no easy way to break up with someone but at least call instead of texting.

 

There is no real fault here, just a guy who is not very in touch with his feelings, and a gal whose had a hard time struggling to connect with him. You both gave it a shot, and he even gave it a second shot. Sometimes I wish my ex would have come back so we could have tried one more time - even if it ended badly - so I wouldn't wonder whether or not we tried hard enough.

 

This guy has well and truly let you down. You can walk away knowing you gave it a shot.

 

I don't think he really met the emotional bar that you deserve.

[reinventmyself]

It might help to know that everything you are feeling and thinking is normal.

 

There are text book phases one grows through during a break up and ruminating and grief is probably the most profound one.

Knowing that you are not alone and on course might help.

 

It doesn't make it hurt any less but knowing that what you are experiencing is normal might.

Hang in there. . .((hugs))

[Lost220]

Thanks. I think he knew for a long time that weren't compatible. We even had a conversation about it that he brought up.

But if he knew this why bother keep trying? Kinda wish I ended it. I'm afraid he might have just felt sorry for me. But maybe not if he was with me for about 4 more months the second time.

Altogether about a year in a half

That's really sad if it is the case I hope not.

[Lost220]

[quote

 

This guy has well and truly let you down. You can walk away knowing you gave it a shot.

 

I don't think he really met the emotional bar that you deserve.

What do u mean the emotional bar that u deserve?

[saluk]

The line between the right relationship and the wrong one is sometimes clear. Other times, like this one, it is not easy to see. He kept trying because he truly thought that maybe you were just in a rough patch and it would smooth out with time. Before the text message and the emotion that was behind it reared their ugly head, I bet he STILL thought that may be the case. You ALLOWED him to come back into your life and keep trying because YOU also believed that maybe it was the right relationship that had merely steered off course.

 

And what reinventmyself said is so true. You are experience what many people on here (myself included) have expressed that they experience - through a vastly diverse set of details of their relationships. If not for the texting aspect of this, you would be over-analyzing something else. There will be hundreds of little threads that you can pull to try to unravel the knots, but they just keep pulling, and the knot never goes away. Eventually you will lose the desire to tug those threads.

 

Until then, just try and not be too hard on yourself. You made the best choices that you knew how to make at the time.

[saluk]

[quote

 

This guy has well and truly let you down. You can walk away knowing you gave it a shot.

 

I don't think he really met the emotional bar that you deserve.

What do u mean the emotional bar that u deserve?

 

I mean that he did not know how to communicate with you or tell you how he was feeling - or even know how he was feeling. I think you knew and were very open with how you felt. You said he never wanted to deal with things with you. Talking to him and getting him to talk about stuff sounds like it was difficult for you. That sounds like two people who are not very compatible. You have to be able to deal with things as they come up, not sit on it for a long time because you don't know how to be open with each other. Maybe you played a part in the communication breakdown, but imagine what it could be like with someone who you are even happy to have an argument with because things actually get resolved!

[Lost220]

I hope I can start eating and sleeping better real soon.

Is there a way to control my thoughts or push them away.

I'm so sick of thinking about him and analyzing everything.

Maybe try meditation? Or discipline myself when thoughts do occour.

I read somewhere that it takes approximately 11 weeks about 3 months to get over a break up. Its just a study everyone heals differently though so who knows

[Clabs]

Hey Lost

 

I am glad that you seem to have reconciled in your mind that you two are just meant to be together because that really is half the battle. You already went down this breakup road once before and when you got back together, nothing really changed.

 

I promise that you will feel start feeling a bit better about things as time goes by but you really do need to be patient with yourself because if you set timescales when you think you will be over thisyou will likely be disappointed ( Sadly, recovering from a broken heart is by no means linear and some days you will start to feel really good about your situation, and then a sucky dark moment will take you off guard and make you think that you are going mad!

 

The best you can do is to try and keep yourself really busy. Try and get out and do things that perhaps you stopped doing when you were in a relationship. Are there any hobbies that you had? Hell, you could always go and redecorate a room - have a really good spring clean, try a new hair style, go for a long walk, join a local meetup group. And if you can't sleep in the middle of the night, come on here and see if you can help someone else out. You sound pretty smart to me and while like many of us, you fall apart when you are in emotional turmoil, it sounds like you might have some good advice to share.

 

Take care and take it a day at a time, eh?

[Lost220]

You mean NOT meant together right?

[Lost220]

You mean NOT meant together right?

[Lost220]

Oops didn't mean to send that twice. I still have a few of his pics on my phone, I'm hesitant to delete them. A few are naught so I should for sure delete those but not sure if it matters, I don't loom at them a that often.

 

We only have a couple of us together as he was never really into taking pictures of us or me. I find that odd. He kept all of his pics of his ex girlfriend of 5 years on a hard drive and some on Facebook which he was still friends with her on there after the break.

 

Its 5 years of his life and he said something like that to. I guess 5 years of ur life I can see why he'd want to keep them, but all of them?

Maybe he wasn't completely over his ex and or wants her back. I don't have Facebook, but I'm not sure if he said he was in a relationship with me on there or not.

I know he didn't for sure the second time. Probably not at all I'm assuming. Maybe he didn't want his ex to know? Or didn't want to hurt her?

 

I know none of this matters now but I keep torturing myself analyzing all these scenarios trying to make sense of something I can't change or doesn't matter.

 

Maybe its not a big deal he said he wasn't on their that often but if u really like someone usually u want everyone to know and to take pictures of ur lover and together?

[Lost220]

I feel horrible for letting our relationship go on as long as it did. Wish I ended it or came to my senses sooner. The second time we got back together we went camping and we weren't even officially together yet.

I kinda had a feeling it might not work out then as I was worried too much on getting back together and what he thought.

I felt like I had to walk on eggshells and not say the wrong things. Something's were fun but I was to worried and in my own head to enjoy it I guess.

I remember sitting around the campfire which is nice I like doing that but we both were quiet. We were just relaxing but I didn't really have anything to say and either did he.

Unless he was just relaxing and enjoying the fire I'm not sure. Anyways doesn't matter now but I don't think we had that much fun together but not sure. At least I don't think I did. And the more I look back we nev er really did much or have fun which I regret. I guess its kinda hard to explain

It sucks. I really liked him

 

During arguments I think he got the wrong idea and points I was trying to make. But he called me a a few times during a few different arguments) said i was acting crazy and that hurt.

I feel bad acting the way I did and the arguments even tho I know its not just me.

 

Not that it matters now I just feel he thinks bad things of me that may not be accurate. Also nervous what he's telling people. He's not one to elaborate much but sometimes people pry and he might spill some things.

 

I'm trying to quit smoking once again. I smoked a little here n there and so did he cuz of stress n his job.

Anyways, I'm back at it again do to the stress and pain the break up has caused.

I'm trying to only allow myself 2 to 3 a day usually every 6 hrs or so and its hard.

 

I desperately want to quit as I'm worried for my health and smoking is gross and expensive. Hope soon I can cut down even more and eventually quit for good.

My chest and throat hurt and I often cough a lot and get natious.

My back and shoulders are really sore too.

[Lost220]

I also feel bad cuz he might think I'm a bad person

[Clabs]

Hey Lost

 

Yeah - I definitely meant NOT! That is such a big, small word, isn't it?

 

Darling - all these thoughts WILL be rushing around your head right now and that is perfectly normal. It's not nice and there is not much you can do about it but just know that we pretty much all have those same thoughts and fears that you are having right now.

 

It is good that you can recognise important points like you didn't have much fun together, and the walking on eggshells things - boy, can I relate to that! It really is no relationship at all if you have to act like that. In fact, unsuitable relationships can really change your personality for the worse.

 

There is nothing wrong with sitting round a campfire with nothing much to say - comfortable silence is the best ever, but not when you are not confident of the relationship.

 

So far as arguments go, you need to look deep inside yourself and see if you contributed to them going badly, and if there are parts you could have handled better. That is so that you can grow and learn so that if you did make mistakes, you can try and avoid them next time. But you know, some people do just get the worst out of you and DO drive you crazy and they are people that you are incompatible with.

 

It doesn't matter what he thinks about you now, or what he might be saying to other people because you are apart now. But I do think those are worries that we all have after a breakup.

 

Good for you for trying to quit smoking - that is a pretty hard thing to do on it's own, let alone when you are going through this emotional mangle. But please go easy on yourself during these early days - small baby steps. So what if you have a crafty cig if it helps you relax a bit, eh? And if you can get yourself out and go for some long walks so you are getting a bit of exercise too then that will help a lot. Lots of people say that hitting the gym helps.

 

Trust me, you will start feeling a bit better as the days pass - just hang in there, eh?

 

Take care hun.

[Lost220]

Right I agree. With as far as the arguments go, I wish I could tell him or he knew how sorry I am even tho it won't change things.

I just have the urge to apologize to him even tho I won't cuz I don't plan on contacting him at all. Thanks for your reply. I'm so sad a the time it sucks.

Can't stand this feeling