cingularity83 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I have recently exchanged numbers with a girl I was talking to online and of course she tells me that she's a big texter and finds it weird and awkward to talk on the phone. Now I understand that she has work, kids, and is also going to school so I'm not oblivious to all those things and I understand sometime when you have a lot on your plate free time becomes even more rare and valuable but still........ Now I'm not the kind of person that necessarily loves talking on the phone either BUT I do it when first trying to get to know some one especially if we have never met because it's much easier to get a feel for someone better than reading texts on the phone. So how do you deal with people when online dating that tell you they don't like talking on the phone? I mean at that point what's the point of even exchanging numbers right? Might as well just keep writing each on the dating site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Movingforward3 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 More depends on the girl. My ex liked texting more than talking on phone. Texting can be helpful, but I agree with you that it is harder to connect with some one that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saluk Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Ask her if you can call her anyway because for you it is hard to get to know someone only through text. I'm also not into the phone, I always contact how the person suggests. They will usually say "call me at xxx" or "text me at xxx". If it's just a number I usually try calling first, even though I hate it. Because yeah, especially when getting to know someone at first, the voice is very important. Texting beats the dating site in two ways - it's usually more immediate, and communicating there doesn't present you with all the other faces of other potential daters, so it feels more private. Some people just don't like talking on the phone. It's disconcerting for them to be hearing a real human voice, but be cut off seeing body language. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I would just exchange a small amount of texts and arrange to meet. Better yet, just tell her that you prefer to get to know her in person and does not believe texting is a good way of getting to know someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottieflanogon Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 So how do you deal with people when online dating that tell you they don't like talking on the phone? I mean at that point what's the point of even exchanging numbers right? Might as well just keep writing each on the dating site. Don't read too much into it. I am the same way, I prefer texting and talking in person than on the phone. With texting there aren't any awkward pauses and when you're together, conversation naturally flows better. On the phone, it's easy to run out of things to talk about. Other than that,Don't invest in too much endless messages and texts. Exchange perhaps five messages each and then ask for her telephone number to establish a quick meeting. You won't know if there's chemistry until you spend time in person Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
appies Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 do you guys live near each other? Personally, I prefer to know the person before talking on the phone if thats an option. Ideally met them in person. Before hand, I like to text. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cingularity83 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 I would just exchange a small amount of texts and arrange to meet. Better yet, just tell her that you prefer to get to know her in person and does not believe texting is a good way of getting to know someone. Yes I understand what you mean and I think a meet in person trumps talking on the phone or reading texts but this is a situation where there's at least some distance between us so it's not like we can meet immediately. She lives about an hour and a half away so that would require knowing each other's schedule and things like that to work out a meet up that fits our schedules. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 When I did online dating I found that the best thing was to talk on the phone. If they only texted there was already a mismatch and speaking bluntly text simply allows one to hide too much. It's also the tool of those who will happily waste your time. I would tell people I didn't really like texting for getting to know someone, that I was hpping for a good phone conversation then we'd see if we still wanted to meet up after that. I either got a "no thank you" which told me they weren't looking to date me, really OR I got them to happily agree and we'd proceed from there. Seriously, I find it weird that someone would say talking on the phone is more time-consuming than texting. Texting to me is a very time-consuming, frustrating thing. I can cook dinner or do any number of tasks with a blue tooth in my ear leaving me hands free while texting entails sitting down and typing on a ridiculously tiny keyboard. You can't do anything when you're typing, because you have to use both hands and stay focused. So I never found the whole "It's easier for me to text" thing to be a sincere excuse. I would say if she won't talk and won't meet within the week to move on and not waste more time, but that's just me and what I experienced. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Yes I understand what you mean and I think a meet in person trumps talking on the phone or reading texts but this is a situation where there's at least some distance between us so it's not like we can meet immediately. She lives about an hour and a half away so that would require knowing each other's schedule and things like that to work out a meet up that fits our schedules. I would ask her to meet and if she says she would like to, you can arrange the details and make sure it fits in both your schedules. I know I'm at odds on ENA but I for one do not like talking on the phone before meeting someone, I find it awkward. Majority of my first meets were simply chatting on the website, arrange to meet (obviously in a public place), exchanged numbers to ensure there is a way to reach each other if something comes up or can't find the location etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cingularity83 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 Don't read too much into it. I am the same way, I prefer texting and talking in person than on the phone. With texting there aren't any awkward pauses and when you're together, conversation naturally flows better. On the phone, it's easy to run out of things to talk about. Other than that,Don't invest in too much endless messages and texts. Exchange perhaps five messages each and then ask for her telephone number to establish a quick meeting. You won't know if there's chemistry until you spend time in person I understand that not every one is talking on the phone because of the example you gave of running out of things to say and that's fine. Some people are just naturally better conversationalist than others whether it be in person or over the phone. In addition people that like to text may not necessarily be good texters either. Sending you one or two words reply back and then it feels like you're interviewing them when you start asking questions. I recently exchanged numbers with a girl that I chose to use a different approach with than what I have done in the past. I got her number and sent very limited texts. She was actually very receptive to talking when I had suggested it so I gave her a call and we talked for about 45mins or so. Then the next 5 days we had limited contact (she never initiated any texts besides replying to mine). I had asked her out over this past weekend and she said yes sure to meeting. The day off I contacted her to give her the address of where we would be meeting only for her to say that she was had been feeling sick the night before and if we can do a reschedule. Although I was skeptical, I always try to take people's words since trying to waste time and energy thinking of any other reasons would just be a waste of time and energy. I told her to let me know when she's available to met up and left it at that. We'll probably never talk again but it's okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Striker0602 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Texting has been awful for me! In fact, after I get off my online dating break, I am going to be very quiet on the texting, and if they are interested theyll answer my call and we'll talk, or Im not moving forward. Nothing offensive to them, but I find texting a stranger much more off putting than a phone call. Texting isnt my thing but, if we became a couple lets text away. I also dont like the idea of relationship communication being all by text, the "why didnt you answer my text" argument has happened more than once, and its ridiculous! Plus, a phone call can display a certain amount of chemistry and I feel like it requires investment and reduces flaking on those early dates, which is apparently a problem! Texting... its definitely ruined more than one potential date! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucia Amman Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I'm an awful conversationalist on the phone, so I never call. I only call my mom really and my ex. Dating all happened with text messages and I never had someone asking me to call first, luckily. Even with my boyfriend I never call, I just feel weird on the phone. I must say I have anxiety problems for calling someone, so please don't hold it against someone if they don't like to call. I'm a very ok conversation partner in person by the way and have had zero anxiety while dating irl. Texting served me very well, I've learned very well to pick out the best people through texting alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cingularity83 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 I'm an awful conversationalist on the phone, so I never call. I only call my mom really and my ex. Dating all happened with text messages and I never had someone asking me to call first, luckily. Even with my boyfriend I never call, I just feel weird on the phone. I must say I have anxiety problems for calling someone, so please don't hold it against someone if they don't like to call. I'm a very ok conversation partner in person by the way and have had zero anxiety while dating irl. Texting served me very well, I've learned very well to pick out the best people through texting alone. The point of what I'm trying to say isn't to say that texting in itself is a bad thing. Texting is a good tool add to other ways of communication. What I'm trying to say is that to solely rely on texting with someone you've never met before at all just seems weird. A phone call doesn't have to last 2-3 hours, you can learn more from someone in a quick 10-15 minute convo than sending texts asking about someone's day. People are more likely to go in depth and details when talking rather than when writing. Again I understand some people are better texters than others but how many times have you texted someone "Hey how is your day going?" only for them to reply back with "its going good!" and then you're stuck not knowing what else to say.... In a phone convo or in person you can easily get someone to open more about a subject with it feeling natural. I don't mind using texting as a way to fill in gaps of communication with someone I already have an established relationship with but for some one I'm trying to get to know - it can make things get complicated, misconstrued and head down south with the quickness!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulTaker Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 At this point, it means nothing. the goal is to go on a first date. How it is done is irrelevant, as long as it's done quickly. You can later discuss it on the date, and then determine whether it will play a factor in going on future dates with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cingularity83 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 I couldn't have said this any better myself mrs Paris Paulette. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cingularity83 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 At this point, it means nothing. the goal is to go on a first date. How it is done is irrelevant, as long as it's done quickly. You can later discuss it on the date, and then determine whether it will play a factor in going on future dates with her. I find it easier to try and set up a date talking rather than texting though. Then when you make a suggestion that doesn't work you know right away and there's just something about making plans over the phone that makes it sound more concrete than just sending a text that. I've been guilty of being a texter though so all these things I'm saying are just new concepts and revelations that I'm stumbling upon. Maybe I can attribute it to just starting to get older, wiser and smarter, or maybe it's from past experiences, or maybe even it's because I have read so much on here not to waste time texting before meeting (although the greater the distance between 2 people the harder that is to follow and maintain) Maybe it's just a combination of all those things I listed. When I was younger I would talk to girls on those hotmail or yahoo messenger chat things for months before suggesting meeting but these days I just don't have the time or even energy for that anymore. Time becomes more valuable as you get older..... not much of it left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveSoDeep Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Bottom line if you want to talk to her and she doesn't want to talk then maybe you just aren't well matched. She should know it's going to take some time to arrange a date given how busy she is and the distance. If you explain a phone call is more personal and you would prefer to talk to her for even 30 minutes some night before you plan a trip out to meet her and she doesn't understand....then maybe she just isn't for you. Better to learn that now, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saluk Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Just shows how people differ. I don't see how anyone can think a phone call is easier than texting. I can text on the john, in a noisy bar, from a park bench, from my desk in an open design office, while I'm on the bus. And if I text and the person isn't immediately available, they will get back to me with the next part of the conversation, rather than endless voicemails. You may play text tag for a time, but then you finally connect, and you can track where you are in the conversation. I'm always afraid when I call someone that I am either interrupting them or that I will have to leave a message, which is the most alien uncomfortable thing in the world. Calls are generally better at connecting you with another person though. Their benefit is in being able to hear a real voice, and in lacking editing abilities and being much more immediate. Those very same benefits are basically what make it less convenient however. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cingularity83 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 I don't disagree with you at all. I text wayyyyyyy more than I talk. In fact if you call me without first letting me know ahead of time that you are going to call, there is a 90% chance you won't get me. You are talking about texting people you already know versus someone you know nothing about. Plus if you see someone everyday or on a close to everyday basis then texting is just something you use to fill in gaps of communication through out the day and not something you solely rely on as primary basis of getting to know someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulTaker Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I agree that talking over the phone is better, but there are always exceptions to the rule. I've been with women who didn't want to communicate over the phone (before the first date), because they said that they weren't good at it. But they were terrific in person, and later had no problems in using the phone after they became comfortable with me. With that said, I don't care how the 1st date is set up, as long as it's done. I'll judge the person when I meet her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ready Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I prefer texting until I actually meet in person. Then I don't mind a phone call😊 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I agree that talking over the phone is better, but there are always exceptions to the rule. I've been with women who didn't want to communicate over the phone (before the first date), because they said that they weren't good at it. But they were terrific in person, and later had no problems in using the phone after they became comfortable with me. With that said, I don't care how the 1st date is set up, as long as it's done. I'll judge the person when I meet her. Exactly this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucia Amman Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I understand what you're trying to say but for me it did work. And I'm very good at determining if someone is a compatible partner, boyfriend or just friend through texting. I first didn't completely trust my first instincts on this because I thought I couldn't really know someone only through text messages. Nevertheless, I was very wary to date persons I thought weren't compatible at all. So my first two 'dates' through the internet were people I trusted, because of the way they texted. And in fact they were very good to me and one ended up being my boyfriend for 1,5 years. 16 years later and I'm still somewhat friends with this guy: my instincts on him were right. After this I thought I should give some guys some slack and I met two people in person that online were 'ok' but my instinct told me they weren't quite right. The dates went fine but the persons were horrible uncompatible with me. After that I never dated anyone anymore that I didn't felt were compatible to me. You can say all you want about phone calls can really open someone up but this works just as good for me through text and online conversations. I've had very deep and meaningful conversations through text messages. In fact my boyfriend and me 'chatted' for four days in a row and he was a horrible texter, he never dated through online things and wasn't use to texting to a complete stranger. The conversation started a bit awkward and it were baby steps but I could feel how genuine he was and how much effort he put into our conversations. We went from weird questions to were we would like to live to what kind of food we just ate. We never stopped texting once we started so we both waited until after dinner so we could text till we went to sleep. The other person doesn't have to be great typers, conversation partners online or great writers for that matter: I just know how much I'll like someone or not. In total I've been only on 13 real dates and expect the two weirdo's I didn't want to date anyways all eleven were great dates. Seven of them became friends or boyfriends, I forgot what happened with the other two and the last two were just more meet ups: I met them because I really liked them as friends but they wanted more and I didn't. No one flaked on me, no one pretented to be someone else and I never called them. I understand this doesn't work for everyone this way but it served me quite well. And from what I read on this thread a lot of people feel awkward to call with someone they don't know yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave_1966 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I would just exchange a small amount of texts and arrange to meet. Better yet, just tell her that you prefer to get to know her in person and does not believe texting is a good way of getting to know someone. I wouldn't do this at all, because he could find himself meeting up with either a minor or a guy. He needs to insist on a phone call, or even better, Skype. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I wouldn't do this at all, because he could find himself meeting up with either a minor or a guy. He needs to insist on a phone call, or even better, Skype. That's never happened to me ever. But even if so, if they met at a public place, so what? It's a coffee. If the other person turn up to be a guy or clearly a minor, he can just walk away without even having the coffee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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