AmariaC13 Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 My ex and I have been broken up for a little over 2 months. My ex is 23 and I am 20. We dated for 2 solid years and my ex tried for 6 months before that (although I did not budge! lol) My ex is my boss in the workplace so you can see where things can get a little awkward. We broke up because my ex was not putting as much effort into me the last month of our relationship. We kept fighting (mostly caused by me saying please put more effort into planning things for us) My ex said please give me some time to change this. I did. He invited me to come and sleepover. I went to his house (bringing ingredients to make a nice breakfast) he got a call from his friends saying come golfing tmrw at 7 am and he said okay and then told me and when I say I BLEW up on him I BLEW up. I was so angry. I was like why are you being such a jerk to me. Why are you being an . You know we had plans. You promised me we would be better. He begged and pleaded with me to please stay at his house but I got up and I said "You know what this is over! I hate you for doing this to me!" He said "no please we do not have to break up! please!" I continued to walk away and leave his house because I knew if I stayed my temper would be bad bc I was so upset. The next day we met for lunch and we still did not see eye to eye on the situation. A day after that I wanted to talk about our relationship and my ex said no, it was over. I know I am the one who did end it, but I did not mean it to be truthfully honest. I started to cry and explain I was disappointed and I cried and started to beg. The begging went on for about a week. Then I realized I looked desperate so I stopped. I implemented a "no contact" rule to the best of my ability, ignoring him in person (unless work related) and texting only for work. Now its 2 months later and although this is killing me inside, I tend to be able to hold my composure very well in the work place. I act very nonchalant and aloof. I give him his space and do not bother him. Unfortunately, being that we work together, there has been kind of a rift in co-workers. Most of the co-workers would prefer to talk and hang out to me because my ex is acting weird/cold/sad/depressed and just not himself and it makes everyone uncomfortable. When I walk into the room my ex freezes. When my ex and I had to talk 2 weeks ago my ex asked how I was doing. As much as I wanted to cry I held my composure and said I am doing very well. I even went to some therapy for the anger I had. My ex burst out crying saying his life is a mess and horrible and he wishes he could trust me again in not hurting him but he can't so it is over and I said I was so sorry to hear that. (I wanted nothing more than to cry and hug him too) When a mutual friend asked how he was doing he said he was "hanging in there" and his life is a huge mess and he has many changes he needs to make and he is doing very bad in school. When my mutual friend was like "well at least you do not have to worry your ex-girlfriend (me) isn't bothering you and moved on he replies "yea I guess.." our mutual friend was like are you confused and he responded "I'm ok" "I just want to be friends." He is also continuing on re-assuring he isn't dating and he makes it known by going straight from school to work and home. He also announces to the room where he is going after work. When I tried to text him before the no contact, we would get a nice conversation going, almost like old times, and then he would disappear. He keeps saying "i am a really nice girl but we need to be friends" EDIT** He also said he knows he will regret this and at a later time it would maybe work out. he doesn't know what the future holds. and to be patient** What gives?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 What gives is, to me, you sound high maintenance and with anger issues to boot. He probably smartened up and realized the drama should stop there considering the potential workplace spillover. I'm simply going off your tone as you're pretty vague. Did you expect him to make all the plans? Did you ever arrange things? So what if he got invited to golf in the morning? He invited you to sleep over. It sucks you couldn't make breakfast, but can't you just sleep in and wait til he gets back in the early afternoon? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Did you ever talk to him about making breakfast for him? Or did you just assume that he would be free in the morning? Never assume. You need to communicate better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainyCoast Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 i think you should stop analyzing the situation and his behavior. simply accept the explanation he gave: he's not getting back together with you. his depression isn't an invitation for you to come back. his conversations with friends are not implications he wants you back. what part of his social life he shares with colleagues before he leaves isn't an implication he wants you back. given the lack of information in the OP my best guess also is he felt drained by your reactions and expectaions. he seems to really be working on moving on. so should you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmariaC13 Posted October 3, 2015 Author Share Posted October 3, 2015 I made half of, if not more than half of, the plans. One of them was a trip to florida for our anniversary that I canceled after we broke up. And treated him just as much. And It was our first time alone in over a month, which is why I did not understand why he could not reschedule the golf outing. I was hoping to surprise him with breakfast, but after he mentioned the golf outing I showed him I bought it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Again, you need to communicate. You can't expect him to not make/drop plans to do something with you that he didn't even know about. If you wanted to make him breakfast, I'm willing to bet that if you told him the night before, then he would have said "okay" and wouldn't have made plans that morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 He is behaving like anyone would....your outburst was completely uncalled for. You could have spent the night together and he could golf in the morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmariaC13 Posted October 3, 2015 Author Share Posted October 3, 2015 That i understand, which I already apologized to him before. He agreed that he also maybe should not have double booked the two things. If it was not or first alone time in over a month I probably would not have been as upset over it. He said he was not fully sure if he could trust me again with hurting him. That I feel horrible about. I just was really excited to finally spend time with him tbh. So it was disappointing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 It's fine to be disappointed that something didn't go your way. It isn't fine to break up over it. And to say"I didn't mean it" is the problem....you don't threaten break ups over not getting your way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmariaC13 Posted October 3, 2015 Author Share Posted October 3, 2015 I apologized for that, although I know it does not mean much. I also told him I started therapy, which that upset him, but I did it for me to work on self-esteem issues/ that anger I experienced after. He keeps saying that if we get back together it probably won't be for awhile, and he knows he probably will regret throwing it all away over a fight. But doesn't know what the future holds and it will probably work better at that time. I just have to let that go then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Yes, you have to let it go. And hopefully learn from the experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goddesstobe Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 Listen girl, I've been in your situation before. My ex also didn't prioritize me or my time, and I don't think these other people get that it didn't happen just once - this is a pattern of behavior. He didn't want me to break up with him until he broke up with me and said similar things about being friends, etc. Blowing up isn't a preferable reaction but it's good you broke it off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.