Simply123 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I was going to wait for marriage to have sex but when i was 18 my boyfriend kept asking me and i did love him so we had sex. We dated for almost two years after and i got supper attached to him and took me awhile to get over him. I then dated around(no sex, or anything. just kisisng) and after almost two years i met this guy i really liked and we had sex a month into our relationship and were dateing for almost a year. He broke up with me three weeks ago because he said he wants to come and go as he pleases and have no responsibility and confused with what he wants.(He is 25 i am 22) He said i am the best girl he has came accross and a fool for doing this to me. ( I was very good to him) I am so attached to him and cant seem to get better . I keep getting worse and worse each day. I dont know how to fight this feeling and hate how i get so attached. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMifune Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Simply......it's your nature....personally I think it's human nature...to get attached to the people we have sex with. I think that's one of the purposes that sex has evolved over the years, to create attachment in people and solidify a pair-bond relationship for the betterment of the children. (offspring obviously being the primary purpose of sex). I know you're hurting and I wish there was something I could say to take the pain away. But don't feel bad that you get attached to people you have sex with. Just take it as a lesson to be more sure about who you're attaching to before you start having sex with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Movingforward3 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 It's the price you pay with love and sex. You get attached. You can keep him around fwb until you find someone new or go no contact if you can't handle that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigKK Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 So this guy basically wanted to get laid...he played the nice guy card until you put out and then he moved on. You were a conquest, and now he's onto the next one. He dropped the "Come and go as he pleases" line so that you will be open when the girl river is running dry and he can hit you up for a booty call. It's normal for humans to feel a strong connection after sex, many people try to have F buddies, some successfully, and some less so. It's sounds like you can't which is completely NORMAL so you need to use that information to protect yourself. I recommend for you to date, and wait for sex for awhile so that you know you've found the right guy. You fight the feeling by cutting him off, he's a complete jerk, and going no contact. Take a break from dating, and once you feel better, get out there and take it slooooowwwwww Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Get yourself away from him. No more contact. Block him. That is the first step to healing. Have you done this? This guy wants to use you. He wants all the benefits of the relationship without any commitment or responsibility. You silly goose. He is not your friend. In time you will feel better. Stop thinking about him as much as you can and go out there and do daily physical activity and eat healthy. 3-6 months you will laugh at yourself and be ready for a new man that will treat you proper. This guy, he is a lost boy. Not a man. PS. Most people get attached with intimacy. It's completely natural. Going forward, I would highly recommend you wait longer than a month and get to know the person WELL before you give your body to them! It takes time/effort to get to know someone!!! Especially knowing that you get attached quick. Early intimacy makes people miss clear red flags. It makes us cloudy and blind to the obvious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simply123 Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 Yea theres no contact. I really dont believe he used me for sex because he could of gotten that freely from many girls out there. And he a 100% knows i would never have sex with him while we are not together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I don't think he was using you for sex either. He stayed with you for a year after you first had sex and was a boyfriend to you, not just a casual sexual partner, right? You met his family and friends, did you not? Anyway... You will get over him with no contact and keeping busy until you rehab him out of your system and the habit of having him in your life. Don't let the experience frighten or jade you into being afraid to do it all over again. You're young and there will be lots of opportunity for you. Just take things slow like you've been doing. Someone in another forum once said: "The person that cares the least holds the most power" which is so true so pace your emotions so that you're not all giving and he's just receiving. Feel better soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No1 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 You dated your partners and you don't do one night stands so you were not being used and to me sex isn't the issue. You are going thru a break up that's all. What you are going thru is normal. You want what was ripped from your hand. Kids cry if they lose a balloon even they had it for 5min. So what you are feeling is natural and normal after a break up. Im sorry to say but the relationship is over. It didn't work out. What he said about you being the best girl or past promises really doesn't matter anymore. All that what he said or promised has to be tossed out the window. You two dated for a year, had fun and its over. Will he come back? who knows.. but you cant wait around and you shouldn't wait around. In the long run, this is a good thing. You have room in your heart and in your life for someone better to come along. cheer up and stay positive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emolimum Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 It may seem totally terrible to you right now, but over time, it DOES get better. You're 22, he's 25. People, especially men, that young typically aren't ready for a long term relationship. Studies have been done about men at that age, and a lot of them prefer to play the field rather than be in a long term, monogamous relationship. It's in their nature. I wouldn't spend my time worrying about him, because someone who genuinely cares for you isn't going to drop you like a hot potato the second the relationship starts to get stale. People, especially women, do put a lot of emotional emphasis on sex. Even a huge part of the ability to reach orgasm in women is attributed to the type of emotional feelings that are evoked during sex. It's not strange to get attached to someone you sleep with, it creates a special bond that you don't have with most other people, especially if you aren't someone who has sex outside of relationships. Seeing as you were in relationships for quite some time with both of the men you've slept with, it's safe to assume that you had an emotional attachment to them that transcends sex. If you had sex with a man you had a one night stand with the day you met him and were convinced the next day you were in love with, it'd be more appropriate to think that maybe you were having an issue with putting too much in to too little, if you know what I mean. You shouldn't blame this on the sex, I doubt it's very healthy for your sexual/mental health. If you're attributing your relationships ending to having sex with your partner, I could see you having sexual problems with your future boyfriends, and the sexual health of a relationship is a very important factor to a majority of couples. So, I would highly suggest you stop thinking that it had anything to do with the breakup and to remind yourself that you are 22 years old and he is 25. You're still both young people deciding what you want and I don't doubt that if you were to look at your post one year from now, you'll have a good chuckle over how disturbed you were at this relationship ending. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottieflanogon Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Yes during sexual intercourse, chemicals are released in the female body which attach the female to the male.Just keep reminding yourself they are called break-ups because a component of the relationship is broken between you two. Good luck finding sunnier days with brighter skies. One fine day you'll awaken and realize you are totally fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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