Jennivera09 Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 Ok so my husband went on a business trip for 5 nights 6 days. We talked every night but after he went to the hotel bar 4 out of 5 nights. He comes home and we made love that night. I go to wash his clothes and there was a pair of inside out black boxers with white smudges from the top of the boxers down the the bottom middle. I confront him about it and he says he doesn't know where it came from and even got up from bed and sat in the living room for a couple hours with me and it went from him not know to him getting irritated cause I didn't believe him and him saying he's getting tired of this and it's bull and everything else and going on to turn me into the bad guy. He told me that if he has to wait the week then I have to wait the week. My question is would wet dreams cause this amount of white smudges or him masturbating? Or should I just not believe him and treat the situation as if he cheated. I'm at a complete loss as to what to do. Please help!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Man with Dog Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 As someone who has been on some rather longer business trips, most of us MB8. He's probably embarrassed, as not all men can talk about that with their wives. Also, men on business trips are generally quite untidy with their underwear. Also, most men do not hang round the bar to pick up loose women. I eat a lot of meals in the bar and quite often watch sport on TV there. Sometimes if working with others, we will meet over a drink or coffee to discuss the day's business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennivera09 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Share Posted September 25, 2015 Thank you. It was just quite a bit and I didn't believe that if masturbating the he would have gotten any on his underwear and I wasn't sure if wet dreams cause that amount. I understand masturbating is normal. He just overdoes it drinking sometimes and it has me worried because it is obviously from him getting off in some way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 I feel bad for your H. Does he have to sort through his laundry to see if you will analyze any of it? If you had laundered underwear of your own in similar condition, would it mean you cheated? Instead of grilling him next time, let him see your pain. Baby I make up stories in my head when you're away, and I know you don't deserve me to think of you that way. I get insecure when you're away. Will you please give me an extra long hug? Recognize the fear your H showed you : you're home alone a lot... you've got opportunity. Learn to trust. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainyCoast Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 he masturbated, leave it. (i hope he doesn't often have to defend himself about women he never met.) but what was that about him overdoing it with drinking? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lester Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 "he's getting tired of this and it's bull and everything else and going on to turn me into the bad guy." - What else is going on with your marriage? More details are needed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greta96 Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 I'm not saying he didn't cheat, because I can't know with 100% certainty, but doesn't underwear usually get taken off during sex? If so, it would be on the floor and wouldn't get soiled. Unless say he received a BJ, in which case I would think he would be smart enough to wash his own underwear, so you didn't see it. I really think that if he was self conscious about having cheated and worried you might find out about it, he wouldn't have left his smudged underwear in plain view, for you to see. Just my 2 cents... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shellyf62 Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 Maybe he masturbated & used the boxers to clean himself up? Some guys don't think about the mess before hand, so don't prepare with tissues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 I doubt he cheated and if he did you have almost no evidence other than smudges that you aren't even sure are baby batter. I am curious what the other things he is getting tired of. Do you accuse him often of doing something wrong? Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lester Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 Greta, that's generally true with affairs in the honeymoon stage. As the affair(s)/mindset wear(s) on, life, as it always does, gets back into routine. These life routines play tricks on the cheaters mind. A strange normality settles in and he/she becomes sloppy. When caught, they are many times shocked at their spouse's overreaction to their twisted definition of marriage. ---------- A long time service guy at work told me he was getting divorced the other day. He was sad and shocked. "She threw me out! She's going to the gym and lost a lot of weight. She looks great! The lawyer said I have to pay, pay pay! etc" I myself was shocked because we, just up to recently, regularly saw him out with his wife. My wife informed, (matter-of-factly), me that was his mistress and that behavior had been going for at last twelve years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 If my husband accused me of cheating on the regular, I might 1. Think he's cheating, and 2. Lose enough faith in our relationship that I become emotionally attached and eventually physically involved with someone else. OP, you can not, ever, know what goes on your husband's life when you are not there. You are not meant to. You married a man whom you respect, for whom you want the best, and in whom you've placed your faith that he will do the best he can. He will fail, as will you. We all do. Love is what allows us to accept one anothers flawed humanity, as none of us are without flaw. Maybe he cheats. Maybe he doesnt. Maybe, just maybe, you have such a fear of him cheating that you imagine it in order to protect yourself from it. If that is the case, the Entire Cheating Story is one that starts and ends with you. You will need to change the way you think to cure it, which requires self study and/or therapy to accomplish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 Come OP, let the guy jerk off for god's sakes. Better that than him cheating no? The only reason you would be suspect of him cheating is if you currently have some major relationship issues. Do you? I would focus on that FIRST, cheating and doing things wrong is usually a consequence/symptom of bigger issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 Come OP, let the guy jerk off for god's sakes. Better that than him cheating no? The only reason you would be suspect of him cheating is if you currently have some major relationship issues. Do you? I would focus on that FIRST, cheating and doing things wrong is usually a consequence/symptom of bigger issues. YESSSSS x 1,000,000 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 We masturbate. We don't set up plastic wrap around the room like Dexter every time we jerk off, either. Surely whoever gave you the birds and the bees speech told you of the excretory nature of male ejaculation. I'd be upset if I were your husband, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alli Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 I'm with everyone else. The "evidence" doesn't point either way; it sounds paranoid and that alone can cause problems in your marriage. I wouldn't worry about it unless/until you had some very strong reasons to think that he could be cheating. This isn't one of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rustysim Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 I think it could be from wet dreams. I hate when I get them they cause a mess. I get them when I haven't masturbated or had sex for > 2 weeks generally but the time period can be different for different guys. If you regularly have sex, 5 days abstinence might be enough to cause the nocturnal emission. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigKK Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 OP Doesn't mention what the other issues are...there's more to this than just a little love juice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottieflanogon Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 Only he knows if he did.If there are no other sings (strange excuses for being late, smells of perfume, acting funny, no eye contact, low libio towards you, no interest in you, etc) then he's probably not cheating.Let it go unless you have solid evidence that he cheated Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 It would be helpful to know why you'd make the leap straight to the accusation that he's cheated. Has he cheated before or given you any other reason not to trust him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennivera09 Posted September 27, 2015 Author Share Posted September 27, 2015 His main issue that has me worried is that he had always gonna along with a girl flirting. Even with me right next to him. When he drinks he has moments where he gets really mad and just goes off and says very hurtful things. So with him droning every night and not knowing how to tell a girl he is taken is what has me worried. Now it's like I'm not even here. We've barely talked all day even though it's just been us at home. And hasn't said he loved me since he has been home. I already know I have my own things that I am working on and I was not searching every bit of clothing. It was black boxers that were inside out with noticeable white and clear slime stuff dried on it. It was obvious. So before you jump to conclusions that I was taking a microscope to his clothes, stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lester Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Does he have drinking problem? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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