I think my girlfriend has given me jealousy issues and made me paranoid...

[tristann19]

This is going to be a pretty long post, so I recommend you get comfortable...

So basically my girlfriend and I have been together for Almost a year now, and at the start it was amazing, and when its just the two of us together, its still amazing, the issue is when shes around other people, especially guys and whenever she has anything to drink, let me explain...

 

It all started when our big group of friends were invited to a party (Our group of friends being made up of four of her friends and a mutual friend of both mine and hers)

I was working the late shift that night, so I was planning on heading up after work, but I didn't have the address of the house, but I wasnt worried at this stage because one of my friends or my girlfriend could easily have given it to me, that night they all left for the party and I went to work, I texted her a bit during work, but the conversation died as you'd expect it to as she started to get more and more drunk. After work, I got home and got ready for the party and texted my girlfriend to get the address...fifteen minutes later, nothing. I then texted her a few times over the space of a half hour, getting no response at all. Then out of nowhere I got a text that said "Babe I was sick a few times, Im getting a taxi home now so dont come", This is when the alarm bells started going off in my head, because earlier that day, we had all pre booked a taxi for 1, and I got this text at around 10, so I then called her.

My calls were ignored a few times, until eventually I got as answer, but it was one of her friends, and I was simply told "She's having fun and doesnt want to talk to you".

After about an hour of arguing with drunk people over the phone, I gave up and went to bed, the next day she apologised and said she had just gotten drunk and nothing had happened, so I believed her and we moved on with our lives.

 

Then about a month later, we get invited to another party, and we are all able to go.

When we got to the party, everything was going well, but everytime I attempted to talk to her, I was told "Go stand with your friends" ANd to avoid an argument I did so...This happened three times in a few hours, and while I was standing with a group of my friends, my girlfriend and her friends show up and completely ignore me. My girlfriend then started to flirt with all the other guys in the group of my friends, espicially one, we will call him Craig, (Now my girlfriend and craig had a thing for a while) She was laughing at everything he said, playfully pushing him, touching his arms, and eventually I had just had enough, so I asked her to talk in private, and she told me "We can, but only if my friends can come with me" so reluctantly I agreed and let her friends come with, I then calmly explained to her that I was not happy with the way she was acting around craig and that she needs to stop it, but she just started to cry, and that set her friends off, and they all started shouting at me and saying things like "She's too good for you" and "Youre so controlling". This went on for a bit, and then my girlfriend says " I want to go see craig" so her friends take her there and I just stood back and watched it happen, at first it started off as brief hugs, but then it became long hugs, and they stood talking to each other and holding hands, and then when I once again tried to approach her, she told me that she doesn't love me and wants to take a break, so me being an emotional wreck at this point went for a walk with one of my friends and talked to him for a while, and when we got back to the party, I couldnt find my girlfriend, at this point I didnt know what was going on but I later found out that they had locked themselves in the bathroom together, her, Craig and a few of her friends. Anyway, the party dies down, craig leaves and she needs to go to sleep, now even though she had literally put me through an emotional hell like ive never experienced, I still loved her, so I carried her upstairs and made up a bed for her on the floor, and then got her blankets and things, and she then said the one thing that I cant forget from that night, she said "I love two people, you and Craig, and dont think that because you made me a bed I still love you, craig would have done it too if he was here" So I left her and slept downstairs, In the morning we had a huge argument that resulted in us breaking up for all of ten minutes, and then I stupidly apologised for getting jealous and everything was 'Fine'. Now this thing has messed me up in ways you cant imagine, since this ive become more paranoid and just not felt the same way about her and my jealousy issues have gotten so bad. Everytime I bring it up to her, I always get the same response, "You were ignoring me all night and then only wanted something to do with me after I was with Craig, so its your fault" when I had went to talk to her on three or four separate occasions and was told to "Go back to my friends".

 

Its been about three months since that party and we are 'over' it, and by that I mean she is, I am not, I feel like she will cheat on me and that I shouldnt trust her.

Her friends now hate me because they say I'm controlling and she deserves better, so the only time im happy with her is when we are alone with eachother.

There are a few more occasions where shes been drunk and been like this, but these are the two that really stood out.

So now for what advice im asking for, basically, I love her, but I feel as if she doesnt feel the same, and these two occasions have put a load of stress on our relationship and thats stress that I still feel is present, I just want to know what you think, Am I being too paranoid in not trusting her and should I still be with her?

 

Thanks

-T

[mhowe]

She isn't girlfriend material. In isolation, you guys are ok but in public, she acts like you don't exist. End it.

[BigKK]

How old are you two?

 

She sounds like a freshman in college, I would not put up with that and expect this to be a regular occurrence.

 

 

 

Dump her.

[Gustave]

she seems to be a bit of a player. emotional blackmail is what she does to you. you should've left the minute she hugged craig. leave that place. you can not spend your life between 4 walls because thats the only way of getting along. you don't seem to be on her list of priorities but you made her your no.1 priority. don't suffer for someone who does't seem to care if you're there or not. if craig is such a good lover material, she should give it a go without torturing you. and more important, don t torture yourself. being in a relationship shouldn't make you feel disposable, on the contrary.

[tristann19]

Thank you, That is probably some of the best advice Ive recieved

[Coldarmy13]

Shes your girlfriend and shes doing all that with "Craig"?! Locked themselves in a bathroom?!

 

Eighty six her as soon as possible. She deserves it. Don't look back. No matter what shes going to try and make everything your fault. Her and her friends are so disrespectful to you and youre a saint to have put up with it this long. Do it for your own self respect.

 

Id say don't treat her as a priority when she makes you an option, but sounds like she doesn't even do that.

[McDavid1993]

She's doesn't sound nice at all and seriously, you can probably do much better personality than her so try to be strong and just tell her it isn't working because if your don't trusting the other girl then there is not a future there sorry

[notalady]

Yikes she sounds like a horrible person.

 

I agree with everyone else that you should just break up with her.

 

Next time, set better boundaries, do yourself a favour and do not put up with someone being disrespectful like this. I would've left after she and her friends went off at you and then she proceeded to flirt and hug Craig and ended things with her right then and there.

 

She doesn't see you as her boyfriend. She sees you as one of the guys "fighting over her". Makes her feel popular and wanted.

[SooSad33]

I remember a saying... ' If they love more than one, they love neither, enough'.

She is NOT over him. She's using him AGAINST you. This is crazy behavior. Nothing sounds right.

 

Is this what YOU want??

 

I suggest you walk away from this one. This gal needs to get her **** together & grow up.

 

Good luck. Go find yourself a real, decent gal. They are out there

[Fudgie]

Actually, I agree with her friends....

 

 

...I'm totally kidding. This is a clear cut case here. She is totally in the wrong. How she is acting is blatantly disrespectful to anyone in a relationship. Even to those who have looser boundaries, you don't just ignore your SO all night when you're out in public. Shame on her and shame on her friends too. She sounds like she's 16 years old and she need to grow the heck up.

 

I think it is YOU who is too good for someone like her. And yes, it's a matter of time before the pattern repeats itself, little Miss Thang has, yet again, too much to drink and will wind up in bed with a Craig, or a Chuck, or a Harry, or whoever is willing to sleep with a drunk loose woman. Because that's what she is.

[SoulTaker]

I agree with the others in getting rid of her. In fact, it goes deeper than that. It shows a complete disregard of you as a man. I don't know if you're giving off a vibe of being weak, or is just too nice. Either way, she sized you up as someone who can be taken advantage of in a relationship.

 

It didn't start with the party. It started when the two of you were dating, and she realized that she could get away with being disrespectful. And she's been disrespectful ever since (getting drunk, flirting, lying, her friends treating you like a doormat,...). There were probably "red flags" from her at the beginning. You just ignored them.

 

BTW - This man Craig, is not a friend. You should know that by now. Get a better set of friends.