boyfriend of 15 months has been lying for months about the dumbest things

[Jammin77]

my boyfriend and i have been together for 15 months. the first half of our relationship we spent every moment together, we spent every night togther and saw eachother everyday. there was absolutely no way he was cheating or lying because we each had access to eachothers phones. we also spent so much time together that we were around eachother most hours of the day.

 

this time spent together got overwhelming and we started getting on eachothers nerves. we now see eachother 5-6 days of the week and spend a couple nights together a week. When we hang out we spend only about a couple hours a day together because we both have work and school. except on fridays saturdays and sundays we spend nearly the whole day together.

 

we both do a lot for eachother and have gotten along really well the past couple months. we've had a couple potential break up fights but worked through things and now we're stronger than ever or so i thought.

 

my boyfriend lies about the most pointless things. and he does it a lot. this is probably going to sound a little harsh but i absolutely dont like my boyfriends mother at all! I have respect for her and have always been nice to her but she has been really y to me in the past and has flat out told me my boyfriend loves her more and that he'll never love me as much as he loves her! there's been multiple occasions where she's been rude to me and excluded me when my boyfriend invites all 3 of us to do something together. I never did anything wrong to make her not like me, i think she doesn't get the love and attention she wants from her husband so she goes to her son (my boyfriend) for it. she can be very sweet at times but other time she treats my boyfriend like and treats me horribly too so i dont really like her too much! i understand i can't avoid her because she's his mom but i feel bad how she is constantly putting my boyfriend down from time to time as well.

 

anyways, over time my relationship with his mom got worse and worse. for my boyfriends birthday he chose to spend it with me and not his mom and then his mom ed at me for months after it! it was ridicluous because we didn't purposely exclude her. she just acts like such a child and treats him like a mommas boy. has anyone else dated a mommas boy and how did you deal with it??? how can i deal with her always babying him?

 

when she babys him it bothers me A LOT because i feel like hes grown up enough to make his own decisions. (we're both 19) and also i like doing cute things and taking care of him so i always feel out of place because his mom tries to be so cute with him that its always a little weird. his mom compltely smothers him from time to time and it affects our relationship. sometimes she has moments where she is really sweet to my boyfriend but other times she can be completely mean and unreasonable its almost as if shes bipolar. she acts like she's his girlfriend and im stealing him away from her. i always feel like im in competition with her and its ridiculous! i wish she could just be accepting of me and accept her son is growing up. i also try to be nice and include her with activities we do, that way she won't feel left out. but she'll reject me and make plans with my boyfriend instead. and then in r eturn i feel left out.

 

about 6 months ago, his mom was being really mean to me and my boyfriend she accused us of not spending enough time with her and all this other BS. my boyfriend was angry at her and very upset because of how mean she was being to him so i let my boyfriend stay at my place for a few weeks and he wanted nothing to do with his mom. i agreed with him that it'd be best if he had space from her because she is being ridiculous and mean for no reason when n either of us did anything wrong. so my boyfriend didn't have contact with her for a few weeks, then he moved back home and told me he continued to have no relationship with his mom, and he was only just living there. he claimed he never saw her or hung out with her.

 

I told my boyfriend he should have a healthy relationship with his mom, however i didnt want him around her if she was going to be mean to him and putting him down like shes done before. to be compltely honest i dont like my boyfriend spen ding time with his mom because of how muchshe controls his life and has b een mean to us!

 

so its been 6 months later and my boyfriend has claimed that he hasnt done anything with his mom...he hasn't gone out on the boat with her this past summer, or out to dinner, or away on vacation.

 

and today i just found out for the past 6 months hes been doing all of these things with her that he completely lied about!

 

now before you say anything...i get it... its his MOM and its n ot like he cheated on me. Howvever i feel like he told me he was sick for a few days...but in reality he was on vacation with her. and a bunch of times he's told me he's been stuck at work...but he's been going out to eat with her and hanging out with her.

 

it disgusts me that he felt a need to lie about all of this for 6 months. he couldve easily just told me. i feel pissed he lied to me. and it really hurts my feelings because he's untrustworthy now. it doesnt bother me that he hung out with her, i think that's great he is having a better relationship with her now however i feel so excluded.

 

and also another thing, his mom has thought for all this time we've been broken up! i feel so pissed at him for hiding things from me and it makes me wonder what else he couldve lied about.

 

i know i need to relax that it is only his "mom" he lied about going away with and spending all this time with. but the fact that he kept this lie going and hid this from me for 6 months is ridiculous.

 

how should i approach him about all of this?

 

obviously he didnt do anything too bad its not like he cheated. but i feel upset because all of this time hes been hiding this from me and i can't be with someone if i cant trust them. it just hurts he even hid a vacation from me and lied and said he was sick. and it does hurt how hes blown me off to go be with his mommy instead of me. ugh i hate liars! ive done SO many things for him and this is what i get in return

 

I did something a little crazy...im not one of those pyscho girlfriends but i did check his voicemail without him knowing and thats how i found all this out. there were messages from his mom and dad talking about the vacation and taking the boat out and dinner and doing all these other activites which he NEVER mentioned to me. he lied and said he was working or sick! so he doesn't know yet that i know he's been lying. how do i go about confronting him about this? he is the type to easily get mad and leave so i dont want to freak him out and let him know i checked his voicemail. and btw i only checked it because my gut instinct told me he is hiding something and i only wanted to k now the truth since hes been acting weird lately!

 

help..could use advice. this probably appears like no big deal to everyone....but its hurting my feelings that he lied to me about so many things and i dont k now how to confront him about this.

i mean what would you guys do if your bf/gf lied to you for months and months and it turns out they were going away and doing all these things they lied to you about?

[mhowe]

He didn't tell you because you would have flown off the handle. I abhor lying more than most people, but you essentially asked him to choose between his mother and you. And he chose her. He is not mature enough to cut the apron strings. Time to let this mamas boy hang out with his mom full time. You will never be his priority.

[ThatwasThen]

Yes, I don't believe this is your first post about the very same subject... Your boyfriend and his unhealthy attachment to his mother.

He is not changing for you in anyway and for you to be making yet another thread about the same thing makes me advise you to leave this man now, before you make the mistake of moving in with him or marrying him.

 

Leave him to her and find a guy that has done more emotional maturing.

[melancholy123]

First off, she's not "only" his mom. She is his mom, she always will be. This poor guy is caught in the middle between you and mom.

 

My husband wasn't what I'd call a momma's boy but he was very close to her, and he was her only child. His dad had a child from a previous marriage where that lady died. So, being an only child was pretty hard on him, his mother doted on him, and she HATED me! I could have been Princess Diana and she'd have hated me. I came between them, which is how she saw it. He was old enough for a relationship (early 20s) and she didn't like that. His dad was fine with me, a very nice man. But she told lies about me to other family members and it was all very hard on me. I did consider leaving him as I couldn't take it and he didn't want to rock the boat by getting into it with her as she would never understand and would have said he was imagining it, but it was all very real to those around her, not just me. I didn't leave because I loved him and I would not give her the satisfaction of breaking us up.

 

Nothing I did was good or right, so to save my own sanity I just avoided her like the plague. It was hard, because he was caught in the middle, but I couldn't stand her abuse of me. I didn't go to her house for years, didn't go there for any reason. He and I lived together for a long time and then got married, had two kids, and have been together a long time.

 

As for your bf lying, I think he did it to you and his mom because both of you make him crazy! You cannot and should not try to tell him to not see his mom, you will lose that battle for sure. Let him see her on his own. No he should not have lied to you or her about anything, but he did. Only you know how he will react if and when you say you found the voice messages on his phone. I wish you luck because these domineering demanding mothers with sons can be a real PITA.

 

I've made it my personal quest to never interfere in my kids' relationships, I love my son in law and my son's girlfriend.

[Gustave]

i think you carelessly managed the situation. you most probably have shown hostility of some kind towards their relationship which implicitly lead to those lies. my guess is he loves you, but his mother comes first. at the same time, according to your sayings, it seems to me that his mother needs some sort of emotional conforting which i find rather awkward. and if you may have a chance of reconciliation with your bf, this problem of possessivity the mom manifests seems to have deep roots that are none of your bussines or coverage. expect a bumpy ride.

[SooSad33]

A healthy relationship needs many things. Respect, honesty, communication, etc, in order to work out. If you're lacking in these requirements, there's going to be problems in the end.

Obviously you two have a few issue's and it doesn't exactly sound like it's going to work out. it sounds like there's been nothing but problems.

 

I suggest you back away and leave him & his mom be now. Let him get his own life together and figure these things out on his own.

Nothing YOU try to do is going to change these issue's of his re: his mother.

[mhowe]

I think that your depiction of his mother is likely skewed. You are the same poster that flipped out because he told you he had you listed as "babe" on his phone, and he actually had your name. You seen to turn non issues into epic battles, and I would guess you have done this with his mother as well.

 

Now you have invaded his privacy because you felt something was off.....and found out that he has cut you out of his life instead of his family.

[BigKK]

You don't fix a momma's boy, you either accept them or you don't.

 

 

Pro tip: If you hate the mom, and she hates you. You might as well throw in the towel

 

 

I also agree with mhowe. He probably didn't want to deal with your wrath, so it was easier to lie. I'm a big honesty person, but could see myself doing the same thing...although in his shoes you would of been long gone!!!