help and advice needed please

[sarahjane]

Hi to everyone. I looked around at forums and decided here would be a good place to share my worries and hopefully get advice. Its a long story, sorry. I'll try to keep it short.

Im 35, married, no children ( im unable) we have never had a great marriage. Financial worries, bad communication etc, also he had an affair a few months after we were married. I do wonder why we're still together. I gave him a second chance, not because im weak, but because I thought we could get through it. We did eventually. Anyway, years later and I have lots of troubles. I had to give up work last november because of ill health ( M.S) Ive mostly dealt with my health problems by myself because my husband dosnt seem interested. He says hes not good with emotion and dosnt know what to do or say Also, we have never shared the money we earn and kept things separate to pay bills etc. His choice. Now I dont have much. I borrowed money off him but i get myself in difficulty paying it back. A few months ago, his Dad gave him and his sisters a large amount of money. My husband insists its his and not mine. He buys himself lots of things while I walk round in clothes that dont fit ( weight loss) He says he wont help me because I owe him money as it is. He wont take me out, unless I pay for myself. Hes always had that view. Ive always had to pay my own way. But its been almost a year since I went out.Truly I feel very alone and trapped. Ive tried to talk to him so many times but he wont listen. He can be cruel the more I try to talk about it and blame me for the troubles we have. I want to leave. I didn't ever want a marriage like this. I believe a marriage should be a team. Not this. Every weekend im in alone while hes out with his friends. But he says im wrong. He says I shouldnt pressure him to help me out. Am i right? This feels like emotional hell. Recently I got put on antidepressant, his reply when I told him? He said try not to let things get to me. I cant stand this. Please can anyone tell me if im the one being unreasonable. Thankyou for taking the time to read this. I ramble, sorry xx

[ThatwasThen]

Have you tried talking to a lawyer to see what your rights to community property are. You may be better off without him.

[Gustave]

this story really upsets me. a marriage should represent team work. not to mention love and affection. at least that's my humble opinion. there's no pillar of strength in your spot. please help yourself. drop whatever this thing that you call marriage is. there's this saying i like a lot and try to never forget: "Ever loved someone so much, you would do anything for them? Yeah, well make that someone yourself and do what the hell you want"

[SooSad33]

He sounds like a totally Greedy, UNsupportive partner! I couldnt live that way either...

Yes, it is an emotional hell. To have to 'owe' your partner is ridiculous! he doesn't buy you anything OR take you out?

he is showing he doesn't really care.. in any sense of your relationship.

 

I suggest you get talking to a lawyer on getting a divorce to get out of this sadness

[notalady]

A marriage should be for good times and bad, clearly he's only there for the good times and you're on your own in bad times.

 

As someone else posted, speak to a lawyer about how to proceed with a divorce.

[itsallgrand]

I agree with the others and wanted to say as well that I am very sorry you are going through this. You are a strong woman for having the courage to look at this situation for what it is. You aren't being unreasonable in the least.