Opinions please

[seekingadvice0]

I am at a loss with this situation.

 

I met a guy and started dating him, and there's a lot of good with him. We have a lot of the same values, beliefs, want similar things.

 

The problem that I am running into is some of his weird, conflicting behaviors.

 

He tells me he wants to support me with studying for an exam, and offers to study, but instead keeps me out all weekend, wanting my attention from the moment I wake up to the moment I say I'm too tired. He will call at random times saying he thinks I need a study break, and offered to send guides he used to pass the exam I want to take or help me study, but we end up not doing that when we talk, and he has never sent these guides.

 

He tells me he wants to support my dreams. Last month, he lost his job. Since I am searching for a new position, I gave him a lot of advice about places to check or ideas. I endorsed all his skills on linkedin since that was one of the places he was focusing in for a job, I offered support, prayers and encouragement with every job for and job interview he went on. Earlier this week was a job fair for me. He completely ignored me that day before and then completely forgot I was searching for a job too, sending a message before that he hopes me working at the job fair brings in a lot of potentials for the place I work at.

 

He says he wants to be in a relationship that supports each other, but I think he really wants one that only supports him. I know his dream job and what he wants to do, and I have encouraged and supported him. He has no idea what my dream job is.

 

I have been lost before wasting 2 years on a relationship because I wanted to be with someone who is Christian, and my ex was far from a Christian and very abusive. I stayed too long holding on to the "but we go to church together" thought.

 

This guy and I pray together, which I do like, but I am worried I am getting lost again with the idea of someone being a "Christian" that I am overlooking some serious flaws. Am I being too critical? Any thoughts?

[mhowe]

If you want to study, you study and tell him no. Your boundaries are non existent.

 

That being said, he is focused on his life...not yours, not ours. Unless there is something truly wonderful about him, I would stop wasting time. He's all talk and very little action.

[DoF]

Do you know how you separate boys from men?

 

Their WORD

 

Men is DEFINED by their word. If they tell you 1 thing, but do the other, you are simply dealing with a BOY.

 

 

 

This post should be a sticky for every woman on this planet! Your welcome.

[Dottieflanogon]

You may need to take a step back from the relationship for a minute, because it sounds as if he's crowding you, and you are desiring space. The best thing is to just express your feelings. Tell him exactly what you're telling us.

[SooSad33]

"He tells me he wants to support me with studying for an exam, and offers to study, but instead keeps me out all weekend, wanting my attention from the moment I wake up to the moment I say I'm too tired. He will call at random times saying he thinks I need a study break, and offered to send guides he used to pass the exam I want to take or help me study, but we end up not doing that when we talk, and he has never sent these guides."

From my sense of it all, I think you may be a little 'critical'.

Sounds like HE is bored & wanting more attention than normal.. cause he's not employed,

But, YOU are the only one in control of YOU.

 

If you need to study,, then say so and stop answering to every call he makes. HE needs to understand & respect you here!

As MHowe explained you've got no boundaries. You do have a right to change this. And blaming HIM for 'keeping you out all weekend'. This takes two. it's only happening because your letting it.

So.. speak up and don't answer to him all the time. Nothing wrong with a little chat in the morning and again later or before bed. But no need ALL day.. especially if you're this busy.

 

As for 'expectations' re: him knowing YOUR dream job etc. That may just not be an important issue to him. May not mean he's full of flaws. Maybe some expectations are running to high?

 

If this goes on for a while more.. you may just get tired of him.. and his flaws? Are you just feeling he isn't right for you?

Do you think you were 'ready' to move on to dating with him?

[ThatwasThen]

From my sense, you're not too critical at all. What you are too much of, is lacking in personal boundaries. (So I agree with Mhowe) You allow him, due to your poor boundaries, to over-ride everything that you have planned. If he says he wants to give you some guides, then you go to his home to get the guides and if he doesn't give you the guides, then you leave to study on your own so that you do not fail.

 

He is self-absorbed and you enable him to be that way because you don't have the boundaries in place to stop him from making it all about him.

 

Google "The Importance of Personal Boundaries" and read everything you can on them. We all need boundaries in place because if we don't, if we have weak one's then people tend to take advantage of us in one way or another.

 

Good luck. Don't count on him to help you with your studies. Give him one more chance to give you the guides and keep your thread in mind when you get there to pick them up/or listen to his guidance if they are not a hand-out that he can just give you.

[SoulTaker]

This isn't too complicated. You've been around him long enough to know whether he fits the type of man that you're looking for. From your update, he doesn't measure up. He is all about himself, and doesn't follow through on anything relating to your interests.

 

You don't trust his words, nor his actions, which means that you don't trust him. You can't go forward into a relationship with someone you don't trust.