JohnWall4545 Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 She cut it off after 2 years together. Everything was great the first year, both felt strongly that this was gonna end up with marriage and "happy ever after". My father suddenly passed away about midway through. Suffice it to say, it was the hardest thing I've EVER dealt with. The sadness made me drift a part from her. I was completely distraught over losing my dad and stopped doing all the things any normal girl needs in a relationship. I pushed her away. She tried hard to be there for me for about a year. She finally threw her hands up in defeat and walked away. After the breakup, we talked around a month or so on and off but she had gone completely cold on me. I wanted to see her/visit, she always gave me the "idk response / I don't think it's a good idea/ I don't hate you, but I don't care anymore etc etc". So about 2 weeks ago I told her I can't do that anymore. No hard feelings, but I can't talk to you anymore. If you decide you want a future with us and want to try again, let me know, but I'm gone. So...it's been 2 weeks and nothing on either end. I'm conflicted on completely moving on or clinging to any hope that we can fix this. I want to be to be the man I was when we started the relationship and I know I can be for her again. Is there any way I can show her this. Any hope of reconciliation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 The end of love isn't hate ---- it's indifference. And that is what she feels. Sorry to hear about your dad. The death of a parent is very difficult. I broke up with my bf when my mother was dying. While we did get back together, it was because we were apart WHILE she was dying --- the relationship did not bear the brunt of my depression and grief. Renter your own life --- for your sake. You will find love again when you are ready. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Movingforward3 Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 I am contemplating the same thing. Cold likely means done, unfortunately Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnWall4545 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Share Posted September 24, 2015 The end of love isn't hate ---- it's indifference. And that is what she feels. Sorry to hear about your dad. The death of a parent is very difficult. I broke up with my bf when my mother was dying. While we did get back together, it was because we were apart WHILE she was dying --- the relationship did not bear the brunt of my depression and grief. Renter your own life --- for your sake. You will find love again when you are ready. Is there a way to change an indifferent mind? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 No, there isn't. The attraction that once existed is a distant memory, and the year of supporting you in your grief is what she remembers. Time to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Man with Dog Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 Whatever her reasons/excuses, she's no longer in love with you. Maybe it wasn't as perfect as it seemed when your dad died. A loving person does not allow a bereaved one to drift away completely. There is no going back. Please do not cling on to any hope of reconciliation. She will not suddenly change her mind. There's not even a 100% guarantee turning the clock back would. They say you should not take your partner for granted but if you are bereaved, it is a time when you should be able to. Hell, you have enough on the plate with a bereavement. Do not keep blaming yourself. Bereavement or not, it would have probably ended anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnWall4545 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Share Posted September 24, 2015 Thanks for the help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave_1966 Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 Is there a way to change an indifferent mind? Possibly, but it won't be influenced by you. You need to walk away for good, break all contact with her everywhere, and if in the distant future she has second thoughts or has been given enough time to remember the good times ONLY THEN will you be able to look at the relationship again. In the meantime, and more than likely forever, you need to go out and meet more women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnWall4545 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Share Posted September 25, 2015 No, there isn't. The attraction that once existed is a distant memory, and the year of supporting you in your grief is what she remembers. Time to move on. Why did you not move on in your situation mhowe and continue to give your ex second chances? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnWall4545 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Share Posted September 25, 2015 Possibly, but it won't be influenced by you. You need to walk away for good, break all contact with her everywhere, and if in the distant future she has second thoughts or has been given enough time to remember the good times ONLY THEN will you be able to look at the relationship again. In the meantime, and more than likely forever, you need to go out and meet more women. I agree and am on my way, thanks Dave. It's the only choice I have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 Because the love was never lost. Life circumstances were what pulled us apart...death, health issues, financial issues. The trust and love and respect we shared was never in question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnWall4545 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Share Posted September 25, 2015 Because the love was never lost. Life circumstances were what pulled us apart...death, health issues, financial issues. The trust and love and respect we shared was never in question. My love for her was never lost. I can't answer for her, but I believe in my heart she still loves me deeply. Life circumstances are what pulled us apart as well. Death, long distance. And the trust, love, respect has always been there for us as well. She couldn't deal with my emotional absence to her relationship needs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 I separated from my boyfriend while my mother was dying. I could not deal with anything but making sure her last months were peaceful. And keeping my company afloat. So my bf didn't feel neglected or distance....he knew I was gone...until months after she died. And even then we faltered a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnWall4545 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Share Posted September 25, 2015 I separated from my boyfriend while my mother was dying. I could not deal with anything but making sure her last months were peaceful. And keeping my company afloat. So my bf didn't feel neglected or distance....he knew I was gone...until months after she died. And even then we faltered a bit. Well I'm glad it ended up working out for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 She may have loved you deeply at one point, but your grief and distance wore her down. One of my friends almost got divorced when she was dealing with the death of her dad...and they had been married 20 years. Some relationships don't have the foundation to weather such a storm. Ours luckily did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnWall4545 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Share Posted September 25, 2015 She may have loved you deeply at one point, but your grief and distance wore her down. One of my friends almost got divorced when she was dealing with the death of her dad...and they had been married 20 years. Some relationships don't have the foundation to weather such a storm. Ours luckily did. I'm just needing a plan. Step 1: Moving on, got it. I'm doing my best. Is there anything to the "give it to God" mentality? And if it is meant to be we'll find our way together again? Is there anything to that or do I need to stone cold move on? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 You can't make her come back, if that is what you are asking. She needs to find you on her own. So best thing to do is rediscover the "old you" so that should she come looking, the man she fell in love with is alive and well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnWall4545 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Share Posted September 25, 2015 You can't make her come back, if that is what you are asking. She needs to find you on her own. So best thing to do is rediscover the "old you" so that should she come looking, the man she fell in love with is alive and well. I hear you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilygirl Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. It is a terribly painful thing to face and many of us do things or make decisions in times of grief that we wouldn't under regular circumstances. I hope you will not be too hard on yourself. I think it is also important to remember now, as you move through these days of NC that you have done everything you could. it was smart to tell her how you felt/feel and what your intentions are, so if she decides she wants to try again, she knows she can get in touch. The intermittent contact and waffling back and forth would be torture. You would be feeling much worse I suspect had you not told her how you felt and always wondered "coulda, woulda, shoulda." You have done everything you can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnWall4545 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Share Posted September 25, 2015 I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. It is a terribly painful thing to face and many of us do things or make decisions in times of grief that we wouldn't under regular circumstances. I hope you will not be too hard on yourself. I think it is also important to remember now, as you move through these days of NC that you have done everything you could. it was smart to tell her how you felt/feel and what your intentions are, so if she decides she wants to try again, she knows she can get in touch. The intermittent contact and waffling back and forth would be torture. You would be feeling much worse I suspect had you not told her how you felt and always wondered "coulda, woulda, shoulda." You have done everything you can. Very true, there is definitely a sense of completion on my end since telling her how I felt and to contact me if she ever wanted to try again. Since, I've had acceptance of the breakup and each day gets a little better. In the meantime, me doing nothing, means nothing can go wrong. The only thing that can happen is she reaches out or nothing happens at all. I'm fine with either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilygirl Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 It sounds like you are in a good head space about the whole situation. Good for you. Better days lie ahead... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WallaceNg Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 I agree wat Mhowe said when she goes indifference towards you, it means its OVER. Women are unlike men, men has a higher chance go back to the dumpee, but women they usually dont. Because they start slowly emotionally and physically detach from you long before the Breaking point. When she decided to dump you ,there's no chance going back. Im one of the dumpees too, its 4 months since Nc with my ex gf, although sometimes i think about her, i feel a lot better now. I can do it, you can do it! Time and distance are the best for moving on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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