I've let go, but feel empty.

[Roll]

For the last two months, after my break up, I could not let my ex go. It seemed wrong and I was certain that she was my soul mate. I fantasized that she'd randomly show up at my door or call me up and say that she still cares for me, however deep down I knew that probably wouldn't happen. I felt insane thinking about her. The connection we had felt so strong and amazing, that I'm in disbelief with her recent actions. She went from saying how much I meant to her, saying how special what we had was and how much she loved me, to slamming her door in my face the next day. Then getting with someone else a month later and saying very disrespectful things to me. Its surreal to me that after you share yourself that much with someone and they share themselves back, with such a deep love for one another, that you could walk away like it meant nothing.

 

I think because of who she has become, I've been able to almost let her go. I still think about her everyday and dream of her, however I don't think I could take her back even if she wanted me again. For some reason I find this difficult to admit, but to be totally honest, It wasn't her appearance that I was really attracted to, but who she was as a person. Now it's like she's trying to be someone else and I find it revolting. Her pretentiousness is almost cringe worthy to witness, that I feel embarrassed for her. Its not my place to say this, but In my opinion she's disrespecting herself. I still care about this girl and I just wish her the best, if shes happy with who she's become then I'm happy for her, but I miss who she used to be. Its like I'm missing someone who passed away. Shes just a sad shell of who I used to love.

 

Throughout our relationship I found myself living for her, which I know is unhealthy, but I was fine with it. I realized the other day that I was still living for her. After any single thing I do, I'm wondering what she would think about it. If I do anything remotely impressive its like its not worth anything because she didn't see it. This feels so messed up to me. I recently went back to school again and I got a high mark in a class and I didn't give a sh*t. Whats the point? I've been through deep depression in my life and this doesn't feel the same. I still have motivation, I have energy, but I simply don't care about the outcome. Living for me doesn't feel worth it. Now that I don't have her in my life, what really matters? I find myself doing reckless things cause who the hell cares. She was who I wanted in my life. She was mine and I was hers. Now that she's not who I fell in love with, there's no going back. Where did she go? I'm so confused. Sometimes I think my drive comes from the off chance that she'll see me again and regret leaving me, but why would that matter if I don't want her anymore? I'm doing everything I can to forward my life, but I still feel empty.

[kbbcoop77]

How long were you together? Did u live together?

[Hollyj]

Are you in therapy?

[pippy longstocking]

Everything you are saying means you are on the right track , infact you title says it all "I've let go but feel empty" ..that is what keep a lot of peole hanging on , because letting go leaves a void , and 99% of the time that is all there is left ..hanging on ....because we dont want to feel that empty worthless feeling , because for as long as we hang on we kid ourselves there is hope .

 

It is again very normal to feel like there is nothing to look forward to , nothing has any joy anymore , music , eating, going places ..it all feels pointless . So all of these feelings you are expressing are exactly how it is when a relationship breaks down.

 

So the good news ... you are almost there ..and that emptyness believe it or not will soon go. This doesn't last forever or we would all cease to exist . You will start to create new memories now because it is literally like starting your life again ..we almost have to re learn how to do it all again . I remember breaking down in the gluten free aisle of the Asda , I didn't think I would even be able to shop again !!!

 

Dont give up on yourself , for you and everyone else ..you will live again and have a happy fulfilling life x

[Roll]

2 years, and we lived together.

[fitgirl]

Roll, I'm going through the exact same thing! I'm a little over 3 week post-breakup and 13 days no contact. I've definitely done things and thought, who the heck cares? I don't have my partner to show this. I was getting dressed up to go out with a girlfriend last weekend and I broke down. I always dressed up for my boyfriend and it was fun for him to show me off. I cried and cried, thinking that is was pointless to even try to look good.

 

This feeling eventually passed as I pulled myself together. I ended up having a great time and I had some bangin' pictures to show for it. My point is, that we all feel this way and I feel like it's completely normal. We are all in this together, at different stages, and it will eventually become a distant memory.

 

One thing I started doing was positive affirmations in the shower in the morning. I say things like "I am beautiful! I am worthy of love! I am awesome! I am smart! I am funny!" I know it's sort of dumb, but it makes me feel good about myself at the beginning of my day.

 

Another thing that I do is I deliberately do things I've wanted to do (even small things) that he never did or wanted to. This is so stupid, but he used to make homemade salsa for us. Well, I still use his recipe but I like mine blended a lot more. So this Sunday, I blended that freaking salsa until it was as smooth as cake batter. It was very small but I felt like, hey, I am going to do this MY way and make MYSELF happy doing it.

 

I feel like bit by bit, we will get joy back in our lives. I truly live for the small moments right now. When my daughter says "I love you, momma", when I finish a good gym session, when I play my favorite songs in my car and roll down the windows. We are going to get through this and be stronger for it!!!

[LovelyDani87]

Feeling that void is just a part of moving forward, eventually that feeling will fade. It's been 7 months since my break up and for the first few months I thought I would just die in my sleep from the heartache lol.. It may seem like the end of the world now but one day soon you're going to realize that it was just another experience to learn from and you will be so much stronger when you get to that point! Hang in there!