regretgirl Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 I’m sure many of you scoffed in disbelief when you saw the title of this thread, but yes, you read it correctly. I truly believe there are ONLY positive lessons to be learned from being dumped! Of course it will be a big adjustment for you and it will hurt like hell sometimes, but please find comfort in the fact that heartbreak is a universal part of life. Take the number of people on this site and multiply it by a million and you still won’t cover all the people in that world that are currently suffering (or have suffered in history) because a loved one abandoned them. The things you’re feeling are normal, natural and expected. Once you get through the initial pain and disbelief, you have the ability to make changes in your life that will make you glow with happiness. This means your next relationship will be so much better and more fulfilling because your self-worth will rest completely within yourself. This advice is especially helpful to people who are codependent and relied on their ex for happiness, security and confidence. Now, if you are still open to love and take this time to work on yourself, there are only two possible outcomes for your future: a) You will get back with your ex after you’ve had time apart and end up having a fresh, healthy relationship. b) You will forget about your ex and find someone just as great (or even better) to have a fresh, healthy relationship with. Either of these options is a win right?! Make note of the words: FRESH and HEALTHY. If you are one of the rare (lucky?) people that have their ex come back, your previous relationship with them should be nothing but a distant memory to you. If you can’t forgive them, forget it. If BOTH of you haven’t worked on yourselves, forget it. If you are not MUTUALLY committed to making it work a second time, forget it. Seriously, it’s not worth it if you’re going to show up the same old Bob and Jane you were before the breakup without any improvements. The more likely possibility is you will find someone else who really appreciates you instead, which is great! It might take time to sift through all the bad apples out there, but trust me... The butterflies, the attraction, the feelings, the compatibility can and WILL all be found in someone else. I used to struggle with the thought that my ex-boyfriend was perfect and had all the qualities I ever wanted so how would I find someone else so great?! I used to have sleepless nights guilt-tripping myself and beating myself up for making mistakes and pushing a special person away. It’s true, my ex really IS a good guy and he DOES have lots of qualities that I want in a partner but I know realistically that he can’t be the only person that acts that way. What are the chances that I found the one and only person in life that has those values and characteristics? They are out there, and once I’m ready, healed, improve my character flaws and do a bit of soul searching, I will find him. And you will find someone else too. The other good thing about being dumped is you are able to have a clear conscience. Chances are, at one point you begged, pleaded, cried and did everything in your power to salvage the relationship and have now come to the realization that there is nothing you can do. This is actually a beautiful thing because you can take the stress off of yourself. You put up a fight for the one you loved and they still wanted to walk away. No matter how great they are, any person that is able to do this without second guessing themselves or giving you a chance is not someone you should want to be with. Period. That’s what’s so great about a relationship after all – you’re with someone that loves being with you! If they don’t, what’s actually the point? They are KNOWINGLY passing up your kisses, conversations, quirks and affection… So why should you think of theirs as so special? They are KNOWINGLY throwing all the future plans and promises you made together into the garbage… So why should you still think about them in your future plans? They KNOWINGLY made this decision knowing you will move on and find someone else… So why should you care who they’re with??? This can go on and on. They knew what they were giving up, they thought it through and they STILL made the decision to walk away so F*** EM!!! Hold open the door for them and know if it’s meant to be, they will return. In the meantime, don’t give them the satisfaction of your pain and suffering for months on end. Especially if they are out there partying, have a new partner already or are acting like getting rid of you is the best thing since sliced bread. BYE. In time, they may not have as clear of a conscience as you do. They may question whether it was the right thing to do and have to live with the burden of “what-ifs” because it was THEIR decision after all. Meanwhile, fluff your pillow and get ready for a sound night’s sleep, because of course that’s nothing you have to worry about! So here’s the exciting part. You have all the time and resources in the world to improve your life with no distractions! You should make a list of goals for yourself (think 3-5 so you don’t overwhelm yourself) to reach while you’re single. None of these goals should have anything to do with your ex. Imagine how good you’ll feel when you begin checking things off the list. Make sure these are things you really care about and aren’t something you’re doing as an excuse to get your ex back or because you have nothing better to think of. I’m going to share my personal goals with you all and hope you get inspiration and make some of your own. 1) Have effective ways of dealing with anger and communication. As child/teenager I was verbally abused, controlled by my parents and was never shown the proper ways to deal with conflict. As a result, when I become particularly stressed or go through a period of depression, all of my bad coping skills surface. My past is NOT an excuse to treat someone badly and I’m committed to learning the proper way to express myself. I will stick with therapy until I’m confident that I can implement these tactics with ease in the future. 2) Expand my social circle. For a few years, I’ve isolated myself because of social anxiety. I spent most of my free time by myself or with my ex-boyfriend. When he left, I realized how alone I was. I had no close friends to text, no one to go out with. I lost who I was and my identity was tied with the relationship in some ways. It is my goal to build closer friendships with people, get out of the house more and get strategies to deal with my self-consciousness in social situations. I will be really pleased with myself if I can get my old, carefree self back! 3) Figure out my career direction. I’m torn between what I want to do in the future and I really want to find a career I’m passionate about so I can have a fulfilled life for years to come. I’m in my 20s, just got a degree and am unsure of what do next. Now is the perfect time to do that. I want to dabble in different areas and figure out what really gets me going in the morning. 4) Learn Korean. I love the culture and plan on visiting next summer! I've always wanted to learn a new language and this will really challenge me and give me something to work on in my free time. These things will take quite a bit of time to figure out which is perfect because it means I have plenty to work on! I have no excuse to sit around worrying about him when I have goals for myself. Everyone has something they can work on, so do it. Literally no one is in your way. How would you be acting if you KNEW your ex would return in a year anyway? You probably wouldn't feel the need to improve yourself much because you'd feel comforted by their anticipated arrival. The unknown is what makes life exciting. Make yourself a better person and do everything you've ever dreamed of so no matter what happens, you've got a bright future and a big smile. Any pain that ends up making you grow and appreciate life more is a big WIN! I feel so much for everyone here because I know first hand how much breakups can impact us to the core, but we've got this in the bag fellow dumpees! BIG HUGS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Movingforward3 Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 I really like ur positive thoughts! I have been thinking about things along this line! Thanks Great post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
appies Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 What a great outlook! I think almost anyone can relate, except for learning Korean Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fitgirl Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Yes! I love this. I know it's a hard pill to swallow sometimes, but being broken up with can be the best gift someone can give you. A fresh start sounds fantastic to me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeffbobo Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Great post! Keep up the positive attitude. Oh... And I chose option "b)" above. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.