countingstars Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Hello everyone! I'm writing this post to seek answers and hopefully comfort in a confusing time for me. There is a male friend (best friend) in my life whom Ive developed quite a crush on (it's mutual) and he is absolutely amazing, an incredible person who makes me feel so good. There is just one problem - I'm not too into his physical appearance. It's almost becoming a big point of anxiety for me. I've never had the opportunity to meet him in person, although we plan to have that happen in about 2 months, maybe a little less. In some photos, I can see past his quirky "not traditionally attractive" features and I see the man for what he really is. A kind soul and heart with a kind, handsome face (in his own way). In other photos, or at some angles, I just find him downright ugly. The same experience happens when we're talking on webcam. Additionally, he is overweight and I haven't seen too much of his body but what I have seen has made me think "oh no...". I'm no beauty queen, but he thinks I'm stunning which makes the guilt worse. How can I see past some of these things? If I cant learn to be attracted to him or love him, I could be losing out on this amazing man, who makes me feel cared for and whom I'm so compatible with. Plus, I really do like him quite a bit and do find things about him to be quite sexy, such as his voice and the way he used his words. Will things change when I meet him in person? Will the chemical, physical chemistry of being with someone in the flesh potentially rule out all the bad camera angles, unkempt hair and giant double chin that's been making me cringe inside? I want to WANT him so bad. I am going through an emotional roller coaster, because whenever I think he's cute then I feel on top of the world! Whenever I find him unattractive I just dread the despair, losing him, and inevitable heart break for both of us. If anyone has real life experience with this that would be great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Movingforward3 Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 I think u need to meet him and see how u feel. Physical attraction is an important part of the relationship. Once u meet, u may find some of his other qualities will off set this. You can also suggest trying to be healthier and working out. Just give it a shot and see how u feel when u meet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
countingstars Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 He had been exercising more, I know he wants to lose more weight before meeting me. But I feel like I should like him for how he is, and I shouldn't *want* his appearance to change. If I do then I must be shallow and superficial. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knot2loud Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 You haven't met him yet. Give him a chance. If you still feel the same way... Move on. There has to be a attraction - Be it mental, emotional, physical or all three. You're just going to have to choose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
countingstars Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 You haven't met him yet. Give him a chance. If you still feel the same way... Move on. There has to be a attraction - Be it mental, emotional, physical or all three. You're just going to have to choose. I do hope meeting him will be the defining moment where I find myself drawn to him physically. Already have the emotional and mental attraction 100%. I think I'm stressing myself out over the fear of not having the physical attraction and therefore RUINING my chance with this perfect man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 You are doing # of things completely wrong. a) engaging into friendships with people you haven't met or even know (sorry but chatting online is NOT "getting to know") b) considering a male that has attraction (which is about 99.99% of the man that will be around) a "friend. Or better yet "best friend" c) Proceeding to meet him even though you have already expressed feelings of none attraction. REALLY bad sign. d) being afraid to let him go. If you are not attracted to him or don't like him, it's over. There is no friendship or relationship. e) getting into relationship with a person that doesn't care about himself and is careless with their body (his weight). If he cares so little for HIMSELF, I doubt he can ever care more about YOU. Friendship should NEVER be based on attraction, that is NOT a friendship. It's make believe, not real what you have. I would recommend that you cut this guy off completely and look for someone local you can meet within few chats online. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 He had been exercising more, I know he wants to lose more weight before meeting me. But I feel like I should like him for how he is, and I shouldn't *want* his appearance to change. If I do then I must be shallow and superficial. I don't agree. Taking care of your health and body is important and speaks volumes about his character and who he is. And you are right, you should like him how he is TODAY, and accept that's what it will be going forward. Cause MOST people never change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knot2loud Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 I do hope meeting him will be the defining moment where I find myself drawn to him physically. Already have the emotional and mental attraction 100%. I think I'm stressing myself out over the fear of not having the physical attraction and therefore RUINING my chance with this perfect man. I know moving on is easier said than done. It's good that you're attracted to him in an emotional sense, but attraction goes farther than that. Follow your heart and remember that YOU have to be happy in this potential relationship too. Let us know how it works out. Your experience may help another person faced with a similar situation. I wish you the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unreasonable Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 I think you will need to actual, physical contact to know for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Some people don't photograph well but in person are nice looking. Others look great in a picture but when you meet them you are stunned how less attractive they are. Meeting in person will be the test for sure. Don't force yourself to be attracted to him or fake it. If it is real you will know it. I am sure he is worried about this too. He knows how much he weighs and what he looks like so try and be as kind as possible if you have to let him down. You probably should have met much sooner. Does he think this is just a friendship or does he think it is more? Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy longstocking Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 I had the opposite ...few years ago now ..on webcam and pics he looked fine , the day I met him I thought he looked like a slapped @rse . for this reason , I advise you to slow down with all this and meet him as soon as possible . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Some people don't photograph well but in person are nice looking. Others look great in a picture but when you meet them you are stunned how less attractive they are. Meeting in person will be the test for sure. Don't force yourself to be attracted to him or fake it. If it is real you will know it. I am sure he is worried about this too. He knows how much he weighs and what he looks like so try and be as kind as possible if you have to let him down. You probably should have met much sooner. Does he think this is just a friendship or does he think it is more? Lost Agreed OP you will know within first 5-10 seconds I bet. Also, don't assume you guys will get a long. Over past few decades I've met # of people on the internet and it's weird. Those that I got along with great, I just didn't like/click with in real life and those I didn't like on the web, I had a connection with. Go into this as "meeting someone completely new". You do NOT know this person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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