Can I be strung along to my own advantage?

[iambatman]

So long story short, I dated my ex for a year, and we were really serious. She rebounded quickly, and spent the next 7 or so months keeping a very casual on/off relationship with a new guy. We see a lot of each other because she got really close with my room mate after we broke up, so she comes by to visit him. We also have a lot of mutual friends, who I live with. Any time she visited post break up, It wasn't hard to tell she had feelings for me still and I definitely did as well. She flirted a ton and then would innocently say "I cant help it" This all happened over the course of a semester and a half of college. Fast forward to summer, she had gone out of her way t tell me that she broke up with the new guy. She told someone else it was merely a break. She asked me out on a date, specifically using the word date this summer, and I accepted. It was great, we kissed, and we kept in near daily contact after that. One day I mentioned that I was going camping and she could come if she liked, and she responded with a "Yes but just as friends, Matt (her new guy) and I are still 'talking'" and I got really pissed off and hurt because I finally thought we were reconciling. We still had so much chemistry, she initiated a ton of flirting, and she asked me out on the date. We didn't speak for about two months, then she sent me a somewhat larger text message before I moved back in to college saying she knows "things were weird" during the summer and that she hopes to be friends but wants to at least be acquaintances and hopes it isnt weird when I see her around with our mutual friends and how she didn't want it to be weird when she comes over.

 

I was naturally reserved for the first few times she came around til one day she caught me alone and wanted to have a talk to make sure everything was cool bc she could see how I acted awkward around her. I told her that I didn't see the point in being more than acquaintances because we get too close. She then revealed to me that she and the new guy are very serious. I told her she was a s***ty human being for purposely stringing me along. Her eyes were glued to mine for the first five minutes of the conversation but when I called her that, it took her eyes away from mine and she instantly had a guilty look and muttered "...you know I didn't on purpose" and I changed the subject. She was a bit teary eyed but shed no tear.

 

How can she be so serious with this new guy when literally 3 months ago, they were "done" and her and I were out on a date kissing?

 

It's been 11 months since we broke up but I know she still has feelings, she displays all of the symptoms, verbatim.

 

She came by my place last night to see my room mate. She asked me to grab coffee, which I agreed to. We are very friendly when we see each other around, I'm just a bit more reserved.

 

 

Knowing all this, how can I get her back? There's too much that happened in the near year of post break up for me to ignore. I'm at the point where I know that I don't just have residual feelings but I genuinely have a strong connection with this girl. I can't even act reserved around her, we have too much chemistry. We can't just be friends though, not because it hurts but because it's so obvious we are into each other and physically attracted as well.

 

I want to respect the fact that she's in a "serious" relationship, but at the same time I feel like I know her better than she does in terms of emotions. This is a sticky scenario. Plus how good can the relationship really be if they were such an on off couple for so long before becoming serious? when her and I dated we never once went on a break. We would fight but never go on breaks. How can she be in a serious relationship if she's getting coffee with an ex? When I've seen her around this semester so far shes been not as obviously flirty but more subtly, like commenting on my wardrobe and making small physical touches that linger, and lasting eye contact.

 

I've changed a ton in good ways, and I want to show her, but I don't want to be obvious about it. I just want her back, I was so close. It's been nearly a year, I am willing to hang on. I am open to other girls, I just tend to be really busy and I don't want to just ignore everything with me and my ex. we work together really really well as two people.

[mhowe]

You can't get her back. She is serious with the other guy, and keeps you around for ego boost. And you allow it.

 

You don't know her better than she knows herself. And she was well aware that she was using you and stringing you along.

[DoF]

Even if you can get her back, you don't want that type of a girl long term anyways.

 

let her go and move on. No contact/ignore and give it few months to recover/get over her.

[BigKK]

Even when you "get her back" if you two ever have issues, she'll take Matt out on a date and hook up with him...and then possibly Jimmy too. I'm with DoF...what is it about her that you want her so bad? She's just playing you.

[Dottieflanogon]

This girl keeps playing head games with you. One minute she wants you, and the next minute she wants the other guy.I know you want to be with her, but do you really want to continue with the bs that this girl has put you through? She just going to keep breaking your heart and causing you misery. You deserve better. Move on!

[Clinton]

You're not getting her back. She doesn't have romantic feelings for you. You're being used as an emotional crutch. Time to cut contact.

 

You can't be friends with someone you have romantic feelings for