No confidence

[BossCheese]

I've always been a loner, a little antisocial, very introverted, generally preferring a small handful of really close friends, not really into crowds. I always really bad at making friends but it never really bothered me. I never really developed social skills because I never really needed them. I've built my life around that and ive made it work rather well for me.

 

About a year and a half ago I met this amazing woman. It just kinda happened on its own. Things were great between us until she was diagnosed with bipolar and ADHD on top of her preexisting anxiety. I was OK with all of that, I was willing to deal with it.

 

Around that same time her best friend since elementary school (we'll call her Jess who BTW I had gotten along with incrediby well since day 1) started acting weird. Suddenly she just didn't seem to like me that much and it was her alone out of all my ex-girlfriend's peers that was suddenly different.

 

Things started getting out of hand. My gf would come home and explode on me for things that Jess claimed I said and did that made no sense and that I wouldn't say or do. After a while it became clear that not only was Jess toxic, she had some hold on my gf that I couldn't hope to break. There was no longer any ability to reason with my girlfriend so I had to end it for my own sanity.

 

I never wanted to. I saw a future with her, I had hoped I could help her but in the end I couldn't.

 

Six months have passed since the breakup. Ive focused on work since then, shutting out all else. I haven't been out on a date since before this last relationship, haven't even talked to a girl outside of work since we broke up. I have no idea how to function on the dating scene. I don't have any confidence, I can't walk up to a girl and just talk. I feel broken but not in a typical way. I want a woman in my life but there's a numbness where there's supposed to be a drive to go meet people and do social things.

 

How do I kick this thing? How do I meet people? I don't understand those guys that can walk up to some girl and just talk.

[meoww]

Most of those guys you're talking about don't develop those skills overnight, so maybe it would help to reevaluate your expectations.

 

If you're not happy with who you are, then you'll have to accept it's not going to be an easy road getting on track to where you want to be. Who knows, you might meet an introverted girl and realize you don't even have to change that much. Changing yourself requires doing things you don't really enjoy doing, so think about how serious you really are. If you don't naturally have it, it might take you years to come out of your shell and develop that charisma.

 

Break down your goals into more manageable steps.

 

I think it would really help to let go of your attachment to the outcome, you have nothing to lose, since you're already not satisfied with your life. I should take my own advice!