So, what do you think is up with this girl?

[Ron Mexico]

I've found myself crushing on a girl really badly. I won't say it came out of nowhere - but when we first met I was unavailable. I just got out of a 12-year marriage and I know now is NOT the right time to pursue anyone or even consider dating anyone...yet I find this girl so intriguing.

 

We work together - indirectly - we do the same job - but she works at our corporate office and I'm at one of our divisions. There is a distance issue - about an hour and I know that further complicates things. There are a lot of reasons I shouldn't even be curious - I know that.

 

We hit it off really well the first time we met. I have never met a girl I found it so easy to talk and flirt with. We share many personality traits - both good and bad.

 

We've definitely been "chatting" more since I started going through my divorce mess. We mostly talk via text (gotta love the 21st Century) and it's pretty much 50/50. Sometimes I'll initiate a conversation with her - sometimes she'll initiate one with me and they general turn into long conversations.

 

We don't get to see one another very often. She was up here last week for "meetings" with me. What started as a one day visit to our division turned into a two day visit where we basically just hung out most of the time. She told me she was staying overnight even if the company wouldn't pay for it (because we're close enough that they generally want us to commute). They ended up putting her up for the night. A couple of days before her visit she asked me if I had plans on Wednesday night because if I did she had a friend she could visit but if she didn't she said she'd hang out with me. We had dinner - it was casual and fun. We talked a lot - some personal stuff.

 

I don't know if she just considers me a good male friend or if she has some other interest. She knows my situation. She asked me the other night how I'd feel if my ex started dating someone sooner than later and I said it would probably hurt - but that I'd deal with it - but that I'd question both of their motives. She told me she never wants to get married but then added the only way she'd ever get married would be if she met a guy who already had kids and getting married would make it more family like (which would be my situation as I have two small children).

 

She contacts me about a lot of random stuff - but also some serious stuff. We flirt a lot - but so far it is mostly innocent - a lot of teasing. I seem to get a lot of mixed signals. She'll display some of the classic signals: a lot of casual touch or playing with her hair or obsessing about her lip gloss and so on.

 

I know this is not the time to pursue her - but I can't stop wondering if there is some interest on her end. We do seem to share a lot interests and philosophies. I guess I'm content to be her friend right now - because that is all I feel safe being - but if there is interest - how do I know and how do I let her know I'm interested but not willing to put either one of us in that position right now??

 

It's been so long since I've been single. Like I said - just got out of a 12-year relationship. Before that I had a gap of 5-months where I was single and before that I had another 5-year relationship that almost ended in marriage.

[DoF]

#1 you are not thinking clearly, at all

#2 you need time to heal, during the time, stay completely away from opposite sex. 12 year marriage will require at least 4-6 months to heal if not longer.

#3 DO NOT date coworkers. EVER. Not worth opening up your job to your personal life OR put your career/job on the line. That's exactly what will happen if you date. Ocean is HUGE and full of fish, DO NOT date at work.

 

Get this lady out of your mind, focus on yourself and healing is the answer.

[JustWishing]

Talk to her. Ask her what her expectations are and tell her yours. If you are able to talk to her about your divorce mess, it should be easy to talk about you guys feelings!