Getting Over it.. or to hold on?

[dramaqueen1]

Hi all, I'm 2 months out of a 3 year relationship and I'm not handling it very well. For background, this guy has been my best friend for over 7 years. We talked every night in high school and he was the guy that I told everything to. We tried dating briefly in high school but I was far too immature and we ended it. 4 years later we decided that our feelings were back that we wanted to try again. It took a while to settle in, but it was wonderful being in love with my best friend. We fought a lot, and still did/do up until this point. But we were both passionate people, he loved arguing for debate purposes and I'm someone who got fired up easily. At first I thought this was just a sign that we would fail as a couple, but after a while I accepted that we were always going to be those kind of people.

 

I have always had problems with depression, anxiety and anger issues. A few months ago we had a lot of problems and he decided to end it. I went nuts missing him, because I was still so in love with him and wanted to try harder. I wanted to be a better person for myself and for him and I miss him so much, I told him how I felt and he felt the same and we got back together. I think now that I wished we'd waited a bit longer. We settled into old habits too soon. People had told me bad things about our relationship (you shouldn't be with him, exes are exes for a reason, you need someone different etc) and even though I completely disagreed with them, I've always had a hard time ignoring what people I don't care about think. So it affected me and how I saw him. In the meantime I was really unhappy with my life. I hated my job, hated my friends, wasn't super happy with my relationship so I became majorly stressed all the time and kept having anxiety attacks and struggled to juggle everything. We never lived together and he didn't stay over so it became a question of do I see him or go to the gym, either way I'd feel guilty. He said he was fine with me feeling really unsure about everything but I couldn't deal with it. I feel like I wasn't happy with myself, and how can you have a happy relationship when thats in the way? Finally I decided that we needed to break up because I needed time to myself. My state of my mind was ruining our relationship and I didn't want to drag him down anymore. And he was cool with it, and without the stress we had the greatest day together.

 

Now 2 months in the future, and he's dating other people but I'm more sure about him than ever before. I've mostly talked about my faults in this post, so I'll say that our relationship had other problems as well, and he did too. But more than anything I don't see that as a negative, I see our problems as things I want to work on together. Except he doesn't. He doesn't want to see me anymore because he wants to move on to someone else, even though he tells me he still loves me. I think no contact would be smart, but I can't handle the idea of not talking to him. he was my best friend and partner for so long, and even when I'm out with my friends I know they don't understand me the way that he does. All I want to do is run to him and cry in his arms and tell him how much I love him, but he doesn't think we're in a good place. I feel happier about other things in my life, but I'm pretty damn miserable without him.

 

Is it likely for exes to get back together? I should want to move on from him, he doesn't want me anymore and I should be able to accept it. But I love and miss him more than ever and I'm so afraid he's gone for good and getting through each day is harder without him.

 

Help?

[Willywagtail]

No one handles the loss of a valued relationship well, so it's not surprising you're not handling it.

 

What you've described is a lot of affection and love, but lots of issues as well. It doesn't sound as if you'll be able to work through them together. He doesn't want to, so you have no choice.

 

Everyone that goes through a break up, at some point, thinks they want to get back together because that person is 'perfect'. Except they're not; that why you broke up in the first place.

 

You have multiple personal issues, from what you've posted. It's time to focus on yourself and deal with the depression, anxiety and your anger. These are not pleasant things for you to deal with, and no partner should have to shoulder the burden of them either.

 

Yes, it's incredibly hard to let go of a best friend, it's painful and it will hurt for a while longer. But you will need to let go at some point so you can keep growing and exploring other relationships.

[kbbcoop77]

Please read this guide it really helped me after my wife split:

 

link removed

 

Breakups hurt but are survivable. Take care

[Dottieflanogon]

Try to go out and do things you enjoy, ..don't get back with him because you will be just as unhappy as you were before and probably break up again in a few months. Cut off contact with him and move on

[Movingforward3]

Being at 30 days no contact, I completely understand ur pain. As hard as it is, focus on ur self and work toward changes that benefit u. It is longer an us. It is a I. Breakups suck. Exercise, diet, and doing things I enjoy helped. I wish u hope. And please get help,for ur depression.