cacasan Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 Hey there! First of all a bit of background on me an my ex. We both attend a very small high school. There are only 17 people in our class and we have all been together ever since the age of 6. Last year in January she and I started talking A LOT and flirting constantly. We really clicked and connected. I had been hurt before and really wanted to see if she was for real and if I could trust her. She is one of the best people I know and I finally decided in April/May to ask her out on a date. And she agreed. Everything was great for the first two months... I have never felt like this before with a girl (and I have had 3 relationships, 2 lasting over a year). However in June school ended and each of us parted on our vacations. Everything kept on going well. Until halfway through our vacations (which lasted 2 months). She started acting distant and cold. And I reacted by being clingy, needy and basically throwing off a very feminine energy. And ten days before we were about to reunite she called it off. I kind of expected it, but it hurt me to see how scared/lost she had become and how her attitude towards me changed... Now, let me tell you that I am her first boyfriend and that she is very closed emotionally and a VERY bad communicator. She also gets anxious easily. She probably painted some picture in her head and got scared off by my commitment, and this turned into a turmoil of negative thoughts. Her friends (best friends here at home) told me that she was not behaving as she normally does... and that none of them understood what was going on. They thought there was some external influence acting on her. That being said, on the day of the break up she gave me the "I just want to be friends talk" and "our connection has broken" etc etc. I automatically told her I was not interested in platonic friendship, and that if she changed her mind that she should contact me. Therefore, saying that I was still willing to work things out. From that point on I assumed strict no contact (for emotional healing on both parts). This no contact period lasted for a bit less than a month, until school resumed a week ago. I wanted to act positive and friendly around her, but I just couldn't... I did not act distant and even threw her a couple of smiles... but it was not just how I had planned it. We haven't really talked. There have been a couple of times where I saw her gravitating towards me, but that's about it. She acts great with everyone but akward with me. And I really do not know what this means. My goal is to get back with her. I never had such a connection with another woman, and normally after no contact one realizes he really doesn't want to get back with that girl, but that isn't my case. What we have is great. We understand each other, and I can tell you that the love was real. I did mess up on loosing my masculine centre, on treating her like a friend at times, and she possibly lost her respect for me. But I now see her as a woman, and I have studied and worked on myself. I really think that this can work. Of course, she also committed mistakes and am sure that she is aware of them. I am currently focusing on myself and waiting for her to reach out to me. However, every day is a struggle. I come great into class, but by the end of the day I am heart broken and desperate once again. And this is not usual in me. I have lost a smaller brother in a car accident. I know my emotions, and I normally am able to react logically... but I really do not know what is the case. What do you guys think I should do next? I know this has been a very long post, and I thank you for your time and reading it. And if you have any helpful or constructive critics/tips I will be immensely thankful! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 She probably found someone new during vacation. Regardless, she told you your relationship is over. Accept this fact NOW. It's done. At this point, you need to take time to HEAL. And no, there is no friendships with ex's, EVER. What you really need to do is ask her to not contact you, and proceed to block her and completely ignore her. Then it's all about not thinking about her, or when thoughts come up >divert them and think about other things.......and most importantly TIME. Remember, ANY contact = reset of your healing and you are back to day one when she broke up with you. You remember how that felt? You don't want to feel like that again right? End the contact and start the healing. Since you are young and have very little experience I would also recommend that you pick up 5 love languages book and study it. It's a great guide to healthy long term relationships going forward. You are going to need this (I wish someone told me this when I was your age!!!!) During the healing time, work hard on yourself! Also eat healthy and do LOTS of physical activity (this does wonders to your state of mind/hapiness etc). Good luck PS. DO NOT think of this as a great ending, think of it as a great new beginning!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cacasan Posted September 11, 2015 Author Share Posted September 11, 2015 Don't worry, I am not interested in any friendship with her. She treated me like **** at the time being, she deserves nothing else. I will take no action but will block her out, and heal. Thanks! I will take a look at it. What is it about generally? I am currently reading Corey Wayne's "How to be 3% Man". I will focus on myself; I have just completed my first leg workout in weeks, so that's something positive! Thanks for the feedback and luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 Its about everything related to relationships, that you need to know as a young men. Make physical activity part of your daily life....forever. it will do wonders for you, especially as you age..... Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cacasan Posted September 11, 2015 Author Share Posted September 11, 2015 Perfect, I'll read it, thanks for the advice! Have a good day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottieflanogon Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 You already told her to contact you if she changes her mind ,the ball is now in her court .You are still focusing your attention on the ex. Until you stop doing that, it will be difficult to move forward.keep going NC. She knows how you feel , set her free. Meanwhile try to live normal life and don't build any false hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cacasan Posted September 12, 2015 Author Share Posted September 12, 2015 I will... I know where I am going wrong, and I hope this time I am on the "right" track. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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