Sukiyaki Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 I've recently been confessed to by one of my guy friends. He told me he's been in love with me for a year. When I expressed that it may not be good for him to continue to be my friend as I don't want to hurt him anymore than I've possible have he expressed that he wants to stay and understands nothing will change. He expressed that he wants to be there for me whenever I fall and help me pick myself up. I have no idea what to do. I've already expressed I can't return his feelings a year ago, but I love his friendship. When we talked months back, I asked if he still had feelings for me and he said no and that he's moved on to someone else (I was very happy for him and expressed that) I thought I was "okay" with it, but honestly I don't think I am... =/ EDIT: I want him to move on. I've expressed that to him months back. My apologies for the confusing way I wrote the message. I'm not a selfish ass, I swear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 So...you are not okay that your guy friend, who said he has a crush on you and whom you told you didn't feel the same way, has moved on and fallen in love with someone else? Did you think he was going to waste his life pining for you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Wait, I'm confused. Was the total lie that he said he didn't have feelings for you when he actually still did? Or that you told him you were happy he had moved on when you weren't? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainyCoast Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 yes, i don't understand either. are you upset about him moving on- or him not entirely moving on from you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainyCoast Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 wow, i reread a few times. you're upset the guy you kept on the back burner has counted his losses and moved on. let me rephrase that: you're uspet he has the self-respect to not be a backup option. and this pains you? lol. well i don't know about the advice part then. maybe...you sould do something about your exploitative treatment of others and complete lack of moral compass? sorry but he just grew an emotional backbone. you're growing a selfish wishing bone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sukiyaki Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 So...you are not okay that your guy friend, who said he has a crush on you and whom you told you didn't feel the same way, has moved on and fallen in love with someone else? Did you think he was going to waste his life pining for you? Let me clarify (my apologies for the confusion): He lied that he moved on to someone else and that he stopped liking me. When he told me months back, I was VERY happy for him believing it to be true. I don't want him to pine over me at all. He deserves someone so much better than me, someone who will love him just has much as he claims he loves me. That's what I mean. I just don't know how to carry on our friendship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sukiyaki Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 wow, i reread a few times. you're upset the guy you kept on the back burner has counted his losses and moved on. let me rephrase that: you're uspet he has the self-respect to not be a backup option. and this pains you? lol. well i don't know about the advice part then. maybe...you sould do something about your exploitative treatment of others and complete lack of moral compass? sorry but he just grew an emotional backbone. you're growing a selfish wishing bone. No, I wrote it completely wrong. He hasn't moved on at all. I was saying he lied to me and said he did. I wanted him to move on. I told him to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 You cannot be his friend then. It hasn't changed in a year. End all contact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainyCoast Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 No, I wrote it completely wrong. He hasn't moved on at all. I was saying he lied to me and said he did. I wanted him to move on. I told him to move on. My sincere appologies then. I think you should definitely let him know you don't want to be around him because you feel like he's interpreting your friendship as false hope. Maybe after some space he might actually genuinely move on, and if so and you're able to meet on a friendly basis in the future then awesome. But I agree carrying anything on at this point would be wrong. My appologies again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sportster2005 Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 You have to end this friendship for his well being. If you love him, it is the best thing to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMifune Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 I've already expressed I can't return his feelings a year ago.... Why not? Most people would say "don't" not "can't", so I'm curious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Well, I've been there and honestly the best thing, the only thing, you can do here is scale the friendship waaaayayyyyyyyyyyayayayyayayya back. As in, "You need to get over me and you do that by us going no contact until and unless you can look at me and feel complete indifference. Goodbye." And I say that because he isn't really fully your friend if he's hanging around and has some other agenda in mind. When they say they want to be there to help you up if you fall what they mean by that is, "I hope when you are most down and I swoop in to pick up the pieces for you that you'll be so grateful you fall in love with me." And really you know that's not going to happen, so it is indeed rather selfish and cruel of you to keep him hovering in the wings hoping. Plus he wasn't honest with you, so yeah you know he doesn't just have friendship as his agenda. A true friend has no need to lie to you about things like that. And prepare to have him do his best to poison the well if you fall for some other guy. I had that happen and it's why I now have a strict policy of "you have feelings for me and I have none for you? Sorry, this friendship is hereby canceled." I've also suffered unrequited love and it's just horrible to deal with and to see the other person and be reduced to licking crumbs off the floor when you're starving for a banquet. Do this guy and you both a serious favor and let him go. He's not really being a true friend to you and you aren't to him either. Sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottieflanogon Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Staying 'just friends' isn't an option anymore because he is appearing to be platonic, with the intention of waiting for you to change their mind, My take is, this wont end well, the 'friendship' is built on a false premise... on his end. I think its best to part ways Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 This is not a friendship, it's a train wreck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sukiyaki Posted September 9, 2015 Author Share Posted September 9, 2015 Why not? Most people would say "don't" not "can't", so I'm curious. I'm not attracted to him in the slightest. That's why I can't. He's a sweet guy otherwise...I just can't see him more than a friend. This is not a friendship, it's a train wreck. Waiting to happen? Of course. And I say that because he isn't really fully your friend if he's hanging around and has some other agenda in mind. When they say they want to be there to help you up if you fall what they mean by that is, "I hope when you are most down and I swoop in to pick up the pieces for you that you'll be so grateful you fall in love with me." And really you know that's not going to happen, so it is indeed rather selfish and cruel of you to keep him hovering in the wings hoping. I completely understand, thank you. I had a huge feeling something wasn't right about our relationship, which is why I asked him again to make sure... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sukiyaki Posted September 9, 2015 Author Share Posted September 9, 2015 My sincere appologies then. I think you should definitely let him know you don't want to be around him because you feel like he's interpreting your friendship as false hope. Maybe after some space he might actually genuinely move on, and if so and you're able to meet on a friendly basis in the future then awesome. But I agree carrying anything on at this point would be wrong. My appologies again. And you're fine! It was a simple misunderstanding. I would have been confused too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I had a huge feeling something wasn't right about our relationship, which is why I asked him again to make sure... Asking him isn't going to get you anywhere. You already know that he has an agenda, so it's not a friendship. You don't need any dramatic endings, just stop contacting him, stop engaging him, and if he contacts you and you want a clean break, tell him that the two of you can maybe catch up someday, but for right now, you're uncomfortable and want to stop contact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.