Need some help reining in my jealousy and anxiety.

[nasdaq]

My boyfriend of 2 years is in the entertainment industry and is a very very very very minor celebrity. A big part of his job is going to events and networking with other people in his field, and many of these people are beautiful girls. He has become friendly with a few, and their relationship is pretty much a "you scratch my back, I scratch yours" type thing, with both of them promoting the other. He also has a small number of fans, the majority of which are female. His job allows him to have direct contact with his "fans", and he can get to know them pretty easily. Over the past couple months things have started to take off, and he is getting a decent amount of attention from women. Most of them are fine, but some of them are very aggressive, constantly reaching out to him on social media and flirting with him. It gets hard for me to bite my tongue when all of their advances towards him are out in the open and he responds.

 

I am trying my best to stay objective and I know that the women that he is in touch with who are his "co-workers" (for lack of a better term) are just trying to benefit themselves by promoting him and having him do the same for them. But he travels for these events and spends days at a time with these women, a few in particular. Of course there are social media pictures of them doing various things together, chatting over whatever social network they have decided to use at the time. He is a very handsome, charismatic guy, and is outgoing and friendly to everyone he meets and at times can be flirty with women even though he doesn't mean anything by it. This makes me uncomfortable and jealous. This is a relatively new thing for both of us (within the past 6 months) and I'm having a hard time handling it. I have moderate anxiety to begin with, and now I'm making myself sick thinking that he's flirting with these girls while he's away and is going to cheat on me. I trust him in that he would never sleep with another woman, but I am worried that while they're all out drinking and having a good time something like a kiss might happen in the moment. We've talked about this and he's reassured me time and time again that he would never do that, he doesn't get those urges anyway and even though he admits that of course these women are attractive, he is with me for a reason. Even typing this out I can see how silly I sound, but it is still something that will keep me up at night when he is away.

 

Something that bothers me is that in his adult life (he is 26), he has never had a strictly platonic female friend. Every female friend he has ever had they have ended up sleeping together - he has admitted this to me. He was VERY promiscuous before he met me, once we started going on dates he stopped. To my knowledge (from what he has told me) he has never cheated on a significant other. Overall, I have no reason to actively suspect that he would ever do anything to hurt me, although we have gotten into a couple arguments over flirty texts he has sent other girls (nothing sexual). My jealousy and insecurity is getting to the point where I know that if I keep this up I will sabotage my relationship. Any advice would be so helpful!

[dave_1966]

Unfortunately you no doubt knew the score when you started dating him, in fact you would have been one of these women flirting with him. You need to have a frank discussion with him explaining your fears but without coming accross as needy or insecure. As long as he can assure you that he loves you above anybody else you just have to accept that at face value, and if you can't then voice your fears in an adult and calm manner. I work in a similar industry as a freelancer, and sometimes you do have to flirt a little or show interest in women who can potentially give you work. It's just the way it goes. You could possibly suggest that in a healthy relationship many couples don't do one on one drinks/meals out with singles as it's simply innapropriate, and that you're willing to honour this policy from your side as well. That way you limit these women's flirting to purely social occasions when others are present, and limit what they could possibly attempt to be doing.

[mhowe]

I don't think you have the temperament to date an actor. His lifestyle will always cause you anxiety and fear. Date a teacher.