christina2006 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years and I were discussing prenups and he basically told me that he won't marry me without a prenup. The prenup would basically state that anything he owns prior to the marriage is his, which I understand, but he also states that anything he earns during the marriage is his as well, basically saying our income would not be community property. He makes me feel as if I'm only with him for the money when I've never done anything to give him that impression. In addition, he seems so cold and calculated about this whole thing. He's made it very clear, if we don't get one, we aren't getting married. So does that mean he thinks I'm just replaceable. My only concern is that if we're married and 10 years down the line I decide to stay home and raise the kids, he believes if we divorce, I shouldn't get a penny at all. Is that normal? How would you guys handle this type of situation? Would you marry someone like that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 He is wrong. No judge would uphold that document. Why are you with him? He sounds like a tool. And very disrespectful. Does he have any money? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 However I've never met any friends, which makes me think he doesn't want to me b/c he wants to be able to go out with his friends and still talk to other girls. It's so odd how one day everything was fine, he was acting all in love, and then he goes out with his new friends, and everything changes. His behavior got shady, he stopped really wanting to be on the phone for a very long time, doesn't really reply back to texts anymore. Oh well..lesson learned. Is this the same guy? I think it's time to toss him into the recycle bin before you waste anymore of your time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Personally, I wouldn't get married without a prenup. However, I'm working on a career and I wouldn't marry a man without a career of his own. I want my property to stay mine and his to stay his in the event of a divorce. I stand to inherit some stuff and I don't want anyone else's hands on it but mine and vice versa for him. However, in the case of stay at home mom, I DO think it's unfair. You would be taking a major career and money hit to stay home and raise children. Not that it's a bad choice, many people do it, but it's unfair of him to expect that you would gladly sign away rights to his money so he can leave you high and dry if he wants while you've sacrificed and stayed home to raise your children. Have you talked about the possibility of you being a SAHM? Is that something you really want to do? I personally would not sign a pre nup in your case unless you BOTH have careers and you aren't going to be staying at home to care for the children. It seems like a major disadvantage in your case here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 BTW, I agree with mhowe. No judge is going to enforce his prenup if he wanted to divorce you while you're stuck at home with the kids, having been out of the workforce for a while. No alimony in that case? That's ridiculous. Prenups are easy to throw out when they are unfair and not in the best interests of children that have been born. Your boyfriend does sound like a tool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Any man today day and age would be completely stupid NOT to do that. Have you seen the amount of wealthy man that got cut in half in divorce court? Of course he SHOULD do that. Wouldn't you in his shoes? Why would the $$$ he earns from the day you get married be your money or even party yours? Why can't you get your own $$$ and worry about your own end? That's what independent is. Matter a fact, why in the world do you even want to get married? I understand that women think of marriage like it's some kind of a fairy tale celebration, it is NOT. It's simply a legal government/religious event. Marriage = relationship How about this, DO NOTHING. Just keep the relationship going and enjoy it all, no prenup. As for $$$, make your own, you are a mature/independent woman. Worry about your own finances! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Your boyfriend does sound like a tool. If my girlfriend said I was a tool or a jerk upon prenup discussion, that would tell me to head for the door and run FAST and NEVER look back. Thank you on the way out too!!! And you are right Fudgie, even prenups this day and age are ignored and men still end up getting screwed. If the tables only turned....I would be curious to see how women would feel on this issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 If my girlfriend said I was a tool or a jerk upon prenup discussion, that would tell me to head for the door and run FAST and NEVER look back. Thank you on the way out too!!! He's a tool for thinking he can force her to sign a pre-nup while expecting her to stay at home and raise the children so he can then divorce her and leave her with nothing, even though they both decided that she would take a career and money hit by staying home to raise the children. And this is coming from me, who wouldn't marry without a prenup. But I don't want kids and I don't want to be a stay-at-home wife either. But it's wrong for a man to expect a woman to stay home so she becomes unemployable for his benefit (keeping the house/kids) so then he can dump her down the road. Read my previous post, sheesh. He is not being screwed. She is, if they are in agreement that she is to stay home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Since OP is not engaged, he has not asked her to stay home and take care of the kids, etc. all of this is wild supposition. I surmise he doesn't have a pot to pee in nor a window to throw it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 He's a tool for thinking he can force her to sign a pre-nup while expecting her to stay at home and raise the children so he can then divorce her and leave her with nothing, She is FREE to get a job and make her own money. She doesn't HAVE to raise the kids. That's simply what families do, you know? even though they both decided that she would take a career and money hit by staying home to raise the children. And this is coming from me, who wouldn't marry without a prenup. Good luck finding a man that you really want. LOTS of luck. But I don't want kids and I don't want to be a stay-at-home wife either. Even more luck now. LMAO But it's wrong for a man to expect a woman to stay home so she becomes unemployable for his benefit (keeping the house/kids) so then he can dump her down the road. Read my previous post, sheesh. He is not being screwed. She is, if they are in agreement that she is to stay home. It's not WRONG, they had a discussion on the subject and she agreed to do it. She does NOT have to. She is not being FORCED to. It's how family dynamic works, usually wife stays at home and raises kids. Not always, but more often than not. And you are always assuming that divorce is the end game. It's not, if you were to be optimistic about the relationship, you would assume it would NEVER end and she would reap his financial rewards throughtout her life. It's the kind of attitude that is unhealthy and ......well, tool like. Your entire outlook on man is just negative. I'm sorry, it's not right. You are also assuming that every woman is like you. They are NOT. Plenty of women (including my wife) that LOVE kids and enjoys staying at home and raising the kids. Sure, it's not easy and all dandy, but NOTHIGN is easy. If you were to ask my wife if she would go back and raise 4 kids again, she would take exactly .00000001 seconds to reply and tell you HELL YES. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy longstocking Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Matter a fact, why in the world do you even want to get married? I understand that women think of marriage like it's some kind of a fairy tale celebration, it is NOT. It's simply a legal government/religious event. oh ppllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaseeeeeeeeeeeee DOF you have been here long enough to NOT make ridiculous statements like that. anyway op , maybe you need to consider who he actually is and what he is about to come out with such crap . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moontiger Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 There was a study done that showed a stay at home mom basically does around, I think $80,000 worth of works every year. So OP, you tell him, fine you will sign a prenup that states $80,000 will be placed in a trust for your sole use every year while you are a stay at home mom. Otherwise he can give up his career and be a stay at home dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tattoobunnie Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 When my hubby and I were engaged, I told him a needed to set-up a pre-nup, since I own several business, assets, and buildings. But we got prego quicky right after, and I didn't even bother with one. If the father of my children, who is a great guy needed money, what's mine is his, and what's his is mine. Anyway, they guy you are with, I know guys who love to throw conditions like that around, who are only stalling, and truly don't want to marry you. And men like that are immature and selfish, and never grown up. So he wants his kids to know that it's okay to treat his partner like a gold digger? That he would leave the mother of his children destitute? He sounds like a bonafide a*hole, and I hope you know this, and know to not accept and be with a guy like this. Love yourself, and move on from this tool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Thank for wishing me luck, but I am dating a man who is going to medical school and he doesn't want kids either. Yay for assumptions! I didn't know marriage was only good for having children! Prenups are supposed to benefit both parties, you know. I wouldn't sign one unless it was fair to both! I actually have very positive outlooks on men and often stick up for them. But, assuming that OP's boyfriend may want her to stay home with the kids, how is the pre-nup fair to her? If he divorces her and she gets no support, she will be left in dire straits. Why would you advocate for that? How is that good for the kids? Again, if she does not plan to stay home...then it's all fine. But if she's going to be expected to stay home and care for the kids, then she needs to take precautions to protect herself. Isn't that the smart thing? the common sense thing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I believe he would have to financially support his children. I also think that he is not the right person to marry as per Mhowe and Fudgie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 oh ppllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaseeeeeeeeeeeee DOF you have been here long enough to NOT make ridiculous statements like that. . Please do explain Tell me how relationship prior to marriage is different than relationship post marriage. Relationship = relationship. Marriage = religious/ legal contract, nothing less and nothing more RElationship will always be as it was PRIOR to marriage, thus marriage makes no difference. Now, I can understand "the celebration of relationship part" but to most men, we don't value that much. What we do value is what relationship IS, HAS BEEN and WILL BE. Day to day stuff is more important than some "celebration" and ESPECIALLY legal contract to tie our nuts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 There was a study done that showed a stay at home mom basically does around, I think $80,000 worth of works every year. So OP, you tell him, fine you will sign a prenup that states $80,000 will be placed in a trust for your sole use every year while you are a stay at home mom. Otherwise he can give up his career and be a stay at home dad. IMO, work done by a stay at home mother is priceless. It's hard to put a # on that. But you see, to be an adult is to realize that the most important things in life are FREE. Motherhood is one of them. To be expected to be paid for it is a bit.....materialistic, don;'t you think? Who is paying HIM for being a great father? Sure it doesn't require as much "in person" work, but supporting family is not easy. Where is independence in all of this ladies? We need more male presence in this thread as well..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I'm not sure why you felt the need to tell us about your boyfriends career. Nobody cares, but it speaks volumes about your intentions and character. It also goes hand in hand with this thread, so thank you. Again, you are looking at EVERYTHING from woman's prospective. How is marriage or divorce fair for man? It's not. Even prenup, now days is often dismissed, it's not fair either. LIFE is not fair, get over it! Again, what prevents OP from NOT staying at home and having her own career and making her own money? NOTHING. If she is concerned about money, she should go make some! Heck, if I was her boyfriend I would actually take her up on "dad staying at home" thing. Let her provide/support the household and see how that works. By all means!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moontiger Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 If you expect a woman to work her ass off just to be dumped for a younger model with not fininacial security because of a prenup, it's not materialistic, it's smart "business" which is basically what this d bag wants his relationship to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy longstocking Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Please do explain Tell me how relationship prior to marriage is different than relationship post marriage. Relationship = relationship. Marriage = religious/ legal contract, nothing less and nothing more RElationship will always be as it was PRIOR to marriage, thus marriage makes no difference. Now, I can understand "the celebration of relationship part" but to most men, we don't value that much. What we do value is what relationship IS, HAS BEEN and WILL BE. Day to day stuff is more important than some "celebration" and ESPECIALLY legal contract to tie our nuts. you said I understand that women think of marriage like it's some kind of a fairy tale celebration, ^^^^ it needs no explanation on my part ..besides which I need to rush off incase the woodcutter catches me .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moontiger Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 In glad you would be happy to do that and accept that if your wife dumped you, you would be left with nothing and no work experience for years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 you said ^^^^ it needs no explanation on my part ..besides which I need to rush off incase the woodcutter catches me .. Let me rephrase that. "SOME women" There Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tattoobunnie Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Please do explain Tell me how relationship prior to marriage is different than relationship post marriage. DepthOfField, get married first, then come back and post, and tell us all about how no change has occurred. I kind of feel sorry with this rut you seem to be in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I think that there is great value for stay at home moms, especially if there are special needs kids or multiple children and the father works a very demanding job with long, odd hours. However, there is a cost to it. She will have a long gap in her employment. Many SAHMs acknowledge this. Yes, your career takes a bit of a back seat to raise the kids. And you know, that's a perfectly valid choice as long as both partners are in agreement and that's fine. But you may never get back to your old status in your career. If you stay out for many, many years, you may become rather unemployable, or your skills set may need major updating before you can go back to work. These are very real considerations. I hope OP will bring it up to her boyfriend. "Do you want me to stay home with the kids?" Maybe he'll say "No" and then I see no reason for why she would object to a prenup because she would have a career too! If he says "yes" then she needs to ask "Okay, if we hypothetically decided to divorce, then what would happen if I were a SAHM?" What would be her plan? I would be interested to see what his answer is. If he says "I don't know" or "I don't care" or something like that, it really shows a lack of consideration and maturity on his part, not just for her, but their future offspring as well. I couldn't be with someone like that. I don't think OP would either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 In glad you would be happy to do that and accept that if your wife dumped you, you would be left with nothing and no work experience for years. She does NOT have to raise the kids. it's her choice if she wants to persue a career and support the family financially on her own. Heck, this is great. OP, please tell your husband that you would like to take his role of provider and him raise the kids. Flip the script if you think it's so "unfair" and see how that goes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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