katej Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Hi. I really would like someone to help me and give me advice. I’m heartbroken and depressed. I don’t know how to move on. (and sorry that my story is really long…) I'm 18 years old and I live in Europe. Two years ago, I met this 20 years old Pakistani Pashto guy online and the two of us hit it off and became really close friends. After few months, we began dating 'online' (it probably sounds ridiculous but in my defence, I really did fall for him). We would Skype for hours everyday, play video games and watch same movies together, and after that we'd send each other sweet-nothings on whatsapp all night. it was an exhilarating feeling, being in love and everything seemed perfect. I really liked him and he said he loved me in so many ways. so I guess I subconsiously let my guard down completely with him. One day he asked me to sext him and sent me a faceless nude picture of himself. He told me he did it out of love and asked me to do the same for him if I trust him. I have never done anything like that in my life, but I loved him a lot and I don’t wanna disappoint him so I did. We planned to meet in the future. I invested a lot of feelings in him and gave him everything he asked. It was all going well, until few weeks ago, he told me he is going to visit some relatives with his parents in another city so he will be busy for days. And after he came back, he told me something happened during he is in his relative’s house. He told me he got engaged with his first cousin (a 14 yrs old british pakistani) during those days. He told me he was forced by his parents and he only views her as a sister and asked me to stay with him. I was devasted and sad. After few days of cried on phone and being cold to him, I thought he would comfort me and try to communicate with his parents about his engagement. But instead, he told me he had enough of my depression. Then told me now he gonna offers me two choices, one is accept the facts that he is engaged and stop making situation complicate, the other one is disapper from his life…. I asked him what about his cousin? He told me he will only views her as a sister and make things back to normal once she turns 18, like call off the future wedding. However, few days ago, he started being cold to me and stop answering my calls, and I asked him why he is acting this way did I do anything wrong, he said to me that after engaged now he feels he is growing feeling for his cousin, and doesn’t view her as a relative anymore, and told me they’ve been flirting with eachothers after engaged thru txt and phone calls. So now he decided to love us both equally, and about who he gonna marry, he gonna leaves it to the future, and asked me to sext him again. And told me it’s allows for a man to loves more than one woman in the same time under his culture and religion…and ask me fly to Pakistan to visit him. Should I trust him that he still loves me and go to Pakistan to meet him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 He is using you. Do some research on his culture and religion. He will have an arranged marriage. He will not view her as a sister, he will take her as his wife. And he will not call off the marriage. Delete his number. Block his number. If you allow yourself to be part of his harem, you have no one else to blame but yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 This is a great opportunity for you to now try to develop an in-person relationship with someone who lives close by. Now you know you want a relationship and this was sort of a test run - you had the comfort of a computer screen between you when you interacted with him. You also have no idea if he was actually married or engaged the entire time. It is unsafe for you to travel to Pakistan to meet a stranger -he is a stranger for all practical purposes. If he ever visits your country and you wish to meet him and his wife for coffee during the day then maybe you can all be acquainted and stay in touch as pen pals. I doubt that will happen but that is the only way I would advise meeting him in person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Long distance relationships don't work. Online communication does NOT = time spent together, not even close You do NOT know this guy AT ALL. Break it off FAST and find a person local to you so you can get to know them in person, get their vibe, atmosphere, read expressions and 1 million other things that online communication disables. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Long distance relationships don't work. Online communication does NOT = time spent together, not even close You do NOT know this guy AT ALL. Break it off FAST and find a person local to you so you can get to know them in person, get their vibe, atmosphere, read expressions and 1 million other things that online communication disables. This is not a long distance relationship. This is typing and talking with a person in another country over a period of years where they have never met in person. Long distance relationships can work beautifully (married almost 7 years!!) if the people meet in person ASAP and can regularly meet in person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosti87 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 If he is Muslim he will marry this girl once she is of age. The fact that they have chosen such a young girl as his wife tells you how conservative his family is and thus how conservative he is. Family is number one in his culture and you will never factor into it. Factor in that you two have never interacted face to face where you can really see who you actually are instead of the your manufactured personalities on Skype your chances are less than zero. Cyber relationships usually end in tears. Neither one of you are showing your complete selves. I'm sure he has not shared much about his family traditions around relationships and marriage. How important it is. If he had told you from the beginning I'm sure you would not have stayed online with him and gotten attached. Now that you are attached he pulls the facts out of the hat. He knew WAY before he went on that trip with his parents that they were looking for a mate for him, yet he said nothing to you until the deed was done. It is time for you to let go and move on before he hurts you further. You are a fantasy for him. Someone he can never have due to his lifestyle and family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 This is not a long distance relationship. This is typing and talking with a person in another country over a period of years where they have never met in person. Long distance relationships can work beautifully (married almost 7 years!!) if the people meet in person ASAP and can regularly meet in person. You are right, it's much worse than Long Distance relationship. I agree that LDR can work, but you are an exception to the rule. Most people simply require Companionship on regular basis, when it doesn't exist, by default, relationship flame goes out in time..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capttrae Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Forget him. Whatever you do DO NOT GO OVER THERE!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 You are right, it's much worse than Long Distance relationship. I agree that LDR can work, but you are an exception to the rule. Most people simply require Companionship on regular basis, when it doesn't exist, by default, relationship flame goes out in time..... Well, no, it depends on the couple and their intentions/goals. Mine worked because (1) we already knew each other very well/had dated in the past; (2) our purpose in dating was to see if we should get married; and (3) we had the financial ability and could juggle our schedules so that we saw each other every 10-12 days; and (4) from the beginning we knew that I would be open to relocating should we decide to get married. There are many types of long distance relationships and I would never have gotten involved in one where those conditions -especially knowing him already- weren't present. An acquaintance of mine is marrying her long distance boyfriend in 2 weeks - almost the same situation as ours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 He is NOT going to marry you. He is going to keep you on the side. And do not sext anyone - your picture could end up who knows where and who knows with who. Someone who loves you will not ask for nude photos like that. They will be considerate of you and wouldn't want anything questionable to go viral or get into the wrong hands. He sees a vulnerable girl who he doesn't have to commit to that he can line up to have affairs with when he is married. Also, some girls are trafficked because they are lured into caring about a guy on the internet from another country Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottieflanogon Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 You don't have a boyfriend, you have an online fantasy. You could find a guy closer to where you live that you can see everyday. You can't kiss the guy in Pakistani . He can't hold you or legitimately tell you he loves you. In the future, when you meet the guy you'll marry... and by meet I mean face to face... you will think your relationship with this Pakistani ... person... was silly. I promise that. Move on. You won't regret it in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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