Robdaruler Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Well I am male and my 2 best friends are female and we are all 15. I'm going to call myself R and my friends are L and F. It all started about a month ago when me and F both told L that we fancied her. L then decided to take some time away from us because she needed to think about lots of different things. And one day me and L talked and we both promised not to do anything that might hurt the three of us or lie to each other ever again. It got awkward after this but then we all were friends again and all was well. However this week I learnt that 4 days ago F and L got drunk and decided to date each other without telling anyone. Then yesterday they both went to a party and hooked up(do keep in mind they are both 15 and girls) before someone found out and F drunkenly called me and told me everything. Now this has made me feel completely hurt because I asked them if something was up with them 2 days ago and they said no. This means that both promises me and L made were completely broken and now I feel really betrayed and hurt. They both feel really sorry for it but it doesn't look like they're going to break up anytime soon. The worst thing is they are both my best friends so there's nobody I can talk to about this (they don't want anybody else to know) and to be honest I don't know why I feel like because it's their own lives not mine. But I know It makes me feel really depressed and I don't know what to do or how to act so I came here because I need advice badly and the whole thing is starting to really affect me mentally( e.g. Starting to develop trust issues) do please any advice however it is would be helpful now or even just somebody to talk to about it. Thank you very much for listening and I really hope you can help me out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misssmithviii Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 One thing that I think will come with time, is the disappearance of this notion that someone does/doesn't have rights to a person. Making a promise not to date or do anything with F was probably the first step in the wrong direction. You seem to have an understanding that it's their lives and not your own, and I think holding on to that will help you. A couple questions to ask yourself, do you feel like you are developing trust issues because of this promise you and F made? How does this experience relate to your interactions with other people, or how is it even relevant? Trust issues are a big hurdle in serious relationships in your future so my greatest piece of advice would be work through that now. Try and get some perspective here, you're all young and approaching the prime of your lives, and neither one of you was actually in a relationship with the other, outside of a friendship. Friends want each other to be happy, and if you weren't going to make the move for L, then it's not F's responsibility not to as well - and that goes the other way around too. The only difference here is that you were more willing to keep your promise, and what you've learned is that F isn't. Take this experience as information-gathering. Now you know. Now you have a better understanding of F and yourself. On one hand, yes F betrayed your trust by breaking her promise but in the other, neither one of you had/has "dibs" on L. I had a similar situation happen but I was "L". In high school, my best friends Curt, David and Will and I were inseparable. Curt had a crush on me but so did David, and both decided not to make any moves on me. I didn't find out about it until later of course. Well, David and I one day began developing feelings, and instead of asking Curt - we began what would be our first relationship. Curt was hurt at first, felt a bit betrayed because he didn't quite like the idea that we were friends first and they all knew about his crush on me - but he began to realize after some time, that just because he had a crush on me but didn't make any move, shouldn't mean that David wasn't allowed to. That was just selfish, and silly. David and I actually stayed together for over a year in high school and Curt and I remained best friends - once Curt realized I wasn't his to keep from anybody else. Oh and I should add that L is another human being here with her own desires that might not even align with yours. Be open with them, let them know it hurt because you liked L but you're willing to let it go to maintain the friendship you all have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robdaruler Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 I just wanted to say thank you for that and that it's really helped me understand the situation and their reasons better. In case you were curious I have said that I'm sorry for me acting this way and just asked that in the future they be perfectly honest with me instead of lying or try to keep it from me. So thank you very much for the help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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