I'm completely broken.

[Charlielouise1]

I had been with my boyfriend for the last 9 months and it was the best 9 months of my life. I was so happy and we seemed really in love.. We where 'that' couple that everyone was jealous of and everyone that knew us would comment on how happy and in love we clearly were.

I had planned a 7 week backpacking trip to Thailand before we had gotten together and he was always really supportive about me going. As it got closer I was worried, I was worried about leaving him as I was going to miss him something chronic, but he told me that I would be fine and time would go quickly till we would be together again. So off I went and we were in constant contact, still as loved up as ever.. Then around week 5 of me being away.. His way of texting changed and I just knew something was up..

When I got home, I was home for a day then we where going on a 2 week holiday together and I couldn't wait.

The first few days was just.. So weird, it was like I was with a stranger.. He acted like he just wasn't really interested in me but assured me nothing was wrong.. By week 2 it was all normal, we where happy and in love and generally having a good holiday. Then I discovered he had been in contact with an ex... And ex that had caused a huge amount of trouble for us at the start of our relationship and who he apparently wasn't in contact with anymore.. I discovered his messages to her telling her he missed her and couldn't wait to see her.... Whilst with me on holiday!!!

When I confronted him he was a mess.. Crying, vomiting and begging me to forgive him, that he loved me and wanted to be with me. Etc etc..

The next day was much the same. Then we had our flight home.

We got back during the early hours so went straight to sleep. When we woke up, he remembered he still needed to insure me on his new car so went and did so for the next year, then we went to mine so I could drop off my suitcase and grab some overnight stuff for his. Where we planned to talk and try and make things work.. We got to my house and I got myself ready, we were just about to leave when he suddenly just told me that he didn't love me like he used to, that he would never love me like he did before I went to Thailand and he knew those feelings would never come back. He wouldn't even try. I was like... Why won't

You even give it a try ... He just kept repeatedly saying that he just can't and because he knew the feelings wouldn't come back.. How could he be so sure?!?!

I was an absolute mess.. He left and I honestly felt like I died inside. I text him later on and he was being so cold.. Like I meant nothing to him at all. After everything I feel like I'm the one who did something wrong when he was the one running off with his ex...

I am an absolute wreck, it's been a week and the pain is getting worse... I wake up and it's like a tonne of bricks hitting me all over again.. I've heard from him once or twice and he said that he cares but his feelings changed...

Will his feelings ever change back? Does he even miss me? How can feelings just change. He is adamant that he doesn't want his ex, and after how crazy she's been towards her now ex, I can only assume my boyfriend rejected her and she is suddenly scared as her ex doesn't want her either after I told him what they had been upto. But I really don't know what to think. I'm so confused.

I want him back so badly as I feel like I've lost my best friend. The worst thing is that we literally never fell out. So it's not even like I have any bad memories, all I have are happy, amazing memories. my heart is completely broken and I am quite certain I'm not going to recover from this. I've lost a stone in weight in a week (14pounds) what do I do... Is there any light that can be shone on the situation? Will I ever get him back.

💔

[kbbcoop77]

Eventually you will get to a place where you won't want him back, and that is being truly healed after being dumped.

 

Please read this guide it really helped me after my ex dumped me after a long relationship. I was in the same exact mental state you are in, but that was 18 months ago. And it will get better!

 

link removed

 

Take care, we've all been there!

[BigKK]

The light I can shed is be happy you learned this 9 months and not 3 or 9 years from now.

 

I assume the ex was around because he broke up with her, not too long ago. Please read the guide that was posted it helped me a lot.

 

In the mean time, your brain is fighting for hope. The love of your life doesn't do this...so start accepting that the relationship is over. If he comes back it's simply because his other options dried out...call me a cynic but that doesn't sound like love.

 

Move on, don't contact him. It's going to take time.

[kathy679]

I felt the same as you when my ex dumped me. Everyone said you will one day get to a place where you don't care anymore. I didn't believe them. As time passed it still hurt like hell: but eventually you make new memories with new people and one day it won't hurt any more.

 

But you have to end all contact and feel the pain in the short term for the long term again. If you stay in contact you will just prolong the pain

[Reflections11]

Aw this is a really sad story. My best guess is that something happened while you were gone or even possibly right before you left with either the ex or maybe somebody else. But as much as you want him back, and as much as you think you need some sort of closure, this is the truth: He said to you that he doesn't love you, that he never would again, and that he wasn't even going to try.

 

That's the important thing here. Not the lack of falling out. Not your happy memories. Not how blindsighted you are by all of this.

What he said. He doesn't love you anymore, he never would, and he isn't even going to try.

 

I know it's harsh but it's important to see the reality of the situation. The truth is, no matter what else he says, no matter how sad he acts, and no matter how much you want him back, those words say it all, they say how he feels. Those aren't things you just casually drop into a conversation.

 

I'm sorry you are broken. It really sucks I know, and it feels like nothing will make it better. But you need to focus on YOU for a minute now. You deserve someone who WANTS you. Somebody who LOVES you. Somebody who WANTS to try, who WANTS to make it work. Your trip to Thailand didn't break the relationship, it was already cracking you just couldn't see it.

 

Anyways, there is really only one way out of a situation like this in my experience, and that is NO CONTACT. It really is the fastest way to healing, but most people refuse to accept that. Now that you are heart broken, anything you say will come from a place of strong emotion and insecurity, and will only drive him further away and reaffirm his decision. The absolute best thing you can do is set a time limit of at LEAST 2 months and stop contact. No texts, no emails, no meeting, etc. No replying to him when he suddenly feels guilty, no breaking down when drunk and calling him telling him how much you love him (be especially careful with this one!)

 

No contact is about you, it's about you healing yourself, and getting yourself back to that strong amazing person you are! Most people never listen to the No Contact advice, but I really hope you do!

[Twinsouls]

I'm so sorry to hear about your story and how he broke up with you in such a devastating way. You must feel so betrayed, hurt, and deeply broken up inside. I know it's painful to be deceit and discarded as if you are yesterday's garbage. You didn't do anything wrong to have this happened to you. Don't forget that. It looks like your ex was in contact with his ex and chose that he wanted OUT without acknowledging how traumatic and difficult this is going to be for you. I'm so sorry and my heart breaks just reading to your thread. I've been in your shoes before and it hurts like hell. To have been dumped for another woman much less an EX! You deserve better than being tossed away without proper closure or an explanation. However, what we want and deserve and what we get are two very different things.

 

I strongly agreed with the others, NO CONTACT is the way to go in your case. No contact is a great tool that will help you heal your wounds. However, it's also very painful and difficult to do since you're so used to hearing from your partner everyday and you are just quitting cold turkey. This is the ONLY way to help you heal and mend your broken heart. If you continue to be in contact with him, beg and plead, it will not help your case. He will look at it that he can have his cake and eat it too. If he wants to leave you for his ex, let him do that. Don't try to stop him. If someone doesn't want to be with you, let them go. I know it's easier said than done however, you have to accept that it's over and slowly move on. So, mourn the loss, grieve and accept that the relationship is over so you can begin to heal and feel better.

 

He might come back but think for it for a second would you want to get back together with him if he can just easily let you go without any known problems in your relationship just so that he can reunite with his EX? I know when my ex came back and asked for a second chance, I told him that ship has sailed and that there was no chance in hell I was going to take him back! How's that for closure! However, I know every breakup is different and it really is UP to you at that point on what you want to do.

 

I'm wishing you the very best and I hope you feel better! Hugs!!

[No1]

First thing is first.. you will recover from this. We have all felt what you have felt and I can say with 100% certainty you will recover, you will be happy again, you will meet someone and you will fall in love with someone else. I know you cant see that right now because of the fog that the heartbreak created but believe me when I say that this will happen.

Second.. None of this is your fault. If you were thinking that, dont. Im sure in your mind you are thinking "If I never went on the trip" things would be better. Who is to say that those feelings or lack of feelings wouldnt of happened even if you were there?

It doesnt matter why his feelings changed, they just did. It was nothing you did or there is nothing you can do to change it. No sense is begging someone to be with you because it has to happen naturally. I think regardless what this guy says he is not over his X. And he was telling you that he doesnt want his X to make you feel better. I could be wrong but I think Im right.

You are going to be okay... I know what you are going thru and its okay, cry if you have to but just know that it is over, the relationship has run its course and now you have room in your heart for someone better and yes there is someone better.

[catfeeder]

My heart goes out to you. You mention that his ex had caused problems early in your relationship. How long had he been broken up with her before he started seeing you?

[Missn1990]

I'm going through a break up as well so I know the pain!

 

For a while you might question yourself, you might think you done something wrong or didn't do enough.

The best thing to do is to let him be, it's hard but it's the best thing to do, if he truly loves you he'll come back and it'll be up to you if you wanna take the relationship further.

Don't be angry at yourself or him, it won't help. Cry if you need to, talk to your friends and write down your thoughts and feeling. You have to remember it's not the end I'm sure you're a wonderful person and you'll love again, there's a happy ever after for everyone X