Is it time????

[Btmn9678]

I'm not usually the type of person to ask strangers for advice but I need to get this off my mind and hear the thoughts of others.

 

I am considering divorcing my wife. The notion has been brought up between us once before but we decided to try and make it work. I know that my wife loves me, that's not even in question. Nor do I suspect her of any wrong doing in our relationship. The problem lies with me.

 

I dont feel the way I believe I should towards my wife. The thought of her leaving is more of a relief than a fear now. Our relationship has come to resemble that of roommates more than husband and wife. I'm more content than happy and sometimes less than content. I fear that anything we had together has faded away.

 

I don't want to hurt her but it feels as if continuing this charade will only result in my unhappiness.

[Willywagtail]

Only you can know when the right time is. And sometimes that decision isn't easy, because often there is doubt.

 

Is it worth going to counselling to see if the marriage can be reinvigorated? Unless you're completely sure that divorce is what you want to do, you may want to see if talking through the issues, and understanding them will help

 

At lest then, if things go pear shaped, you'll know that you did everything you could to save your marriage. Remember, that her happiness is at stake as well.

[Andrina]

Why do you think this has happened? Does she regularly do things that upset you? You give no clue as to why you no longer want to be married. Usually people are not happy if there spouse is a workaholic, or has a low work ethic, or has a different libido, or has financial problems, or isn't affectionate. If she doesn't have any of these or other similar problems, then you or both of you have lost an emotional connection. Relationships are like plants. If you ignore them, they will die. I'd try two things before throwing in the towel to see if the marriage can be revived: Marital counseling, and new behavior/actions to get the connection back. Take turns planning a date night every week and make it be something you've never done together before. Have a picnic on the living room floor or by a beach or a lake. Take a mini vacation in a nearby city. Go bowling. Go to the flea market. Go to a couples store and pick out new stuff together.

 

Write a romantic sentiment on a mirror with lipstick. Buy her a cute trinket. Cook a meal together. Take dancing lessons together. When she gets home from work, kiss her on the lips, and make it extra long. When she goes to work, hug her in a meaningful way. Compliment her hair or clothing, etc. Give each other a back rub with massage oil. Look at Cosmopolitan magazine online for new position ideas. Call her at work and tell her you miss her. Answer the phone with "Hey gorgeous." With your efforts, she will respond in kind.

 

Believe me. After my first marriage ended, I found that the dating pool was a toxic pool of perverts and players. It's tough out there. Try everything possible to fix things before you bail. Good luck.

[relevart]

How long have you been married? Are there kids involved? Is there someone else waiting in the wings?

 

Marriage is an important aspect of one's life and it troubles me that so many people seem so willing to just throw it away seemingly for no real reason. That's why I typically suspect there's a co-worker, ex-flame or cute little brunette waiting in the wings when a guy comes in with tis question.

[catfeeder]

How long have you been married? What kinds of questions can we help you with?

[Stay_home]

The greatest line I ever heard about this subject was in American Pie when the dad tells his son, "It's important to be a dad but also important to not stop being a husband." Kids destroy marriages/relationships, that's why some people run from the responsibility of them. But with a partner who is level-headed and has the same priorities that you do, it can work. The problem is that the majority of couples these days aren't on the same page.