Resthead Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 I’m a 21 year old soldier in the Swedish armed forces, and I’ve had nothing but bad relationships in the past such as cheating girlfriends. And now I have this girl. We’ve been together now for almost a year. In the beginning, I approached the steps of moving forward very, very carefully considering my past. Until recently, we could barely meet each other until she moved in with me. I thought she was cheating on me, so I got a hold of her social media passwords, and browsed through everything, every day, for months. I know it’s bad, but I couldn’t help myself. I found out that she had been having cam sex with a friend of hers before she and I met, who she still meets and talks to. Which got me upset and I confronted her about it. She removed and blocked him from her life. A month later, I noticed on her phone that she had called him several times during the night. I confronted her and she told me she just needed a friend to talk to. We could not meet in the beginning because of her strict father. I found out about this the day he threated to kill me, without me doing anything wrong, and had showed nothing but respect towards him. It was just her father refusing her to meet me. Until now that she lives with me, we could only meet around 30 minutes a day when her father was out grocery shopping. Yes, I’ve been patience. What bugs me though is that she keeps lying to me all the time. The first time she mentioned how many guys she had slept with, I got upset, really upset. She then started lying about everything, and I found out about them. She tells me she does it to keep me happy. A month into our relationship, we decided to have sex without a condom. She told me I was her first without protection, and she was my first. Two weeks later, I was diagnosed with chlamydia. She had been having unprotected sex with basically all her past sexual partners. We’ve been fighting about this very situation so many times I’ve lost counts, and have been breaking up, getting back together and so on forth. I now found out she had been having sex with her best friend guy, who she met a lot and still does. She told me they had done it once. I messaged him and he told me they had done it several times, but not when she and I were together, at least he thinks. She keeps lying to me. Now I’m concerned she cheated on me, since they have been spending time together in his apartment. She keeps making up excuses to ‘’keep me from getting upset.’’ I truly like this girl besides all the lies, but I want to know what to do, and keep myself from wasting my time with someone who cheats. Please help me. Best Regards, Resthead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMifune Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 She keeps making up excuses to ‘’keep me from getting upset.’’ I truly like this girl besides all the lies, but I want to know what to do. You can't just ignore the lies though. The lies are part of who she is....maybe in a way a more honest part of who she is that then stuff you like about her. If you don't to waste your time with a cheater, I'd suggest not spending any more of it on her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resthead Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 If you don't to waste your time with a cheater, I'd suggest not spending any more of it on her. You're right.. The reason I still stick around with her right now is the thought of everything might be the way I want them to be. Her always telling the truth, not chatting with a bunch of guy friends. We've been fighting about these subjects alot. And she tells me that she only wants to be social with her friends, and she lies becuase her father always got upset with her. Maybe I'm the one who's out of line. The chemistry is amazing though, our sex life. Just the damn worry that she cheats.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMifune Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 The chemistry is amazing though, our sex life. Just the damn worry that she cheats.. Sorry, just an aside.....This right here is exactly my point when people talk about "chemistry and attraction" 9 times out of 10, the more intense it is, the more likely you're about to get slammed. But for some reason it's the only damned thing anyone cares about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resthead Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 Sorry, just an aside.....This right here is exactly my point when people talk about "chemistry and attraction" 9 times out of 10, the more intense it is, the more likely you're about to get slammed. But for some reason it's the only damned thing anyone cares about. I didn't get that really. I didn't mean that I'm only interested in the sex. I meant it was only a part of it. Our chemistry is great, our sex life, the talking, everything. Except the rest above. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMifune Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 I didn't get that really. I didn't mean that I'm only interested in the sex. I meant it was only a part of it. Our chemistry is great, our sex life, the talking, everything. Except the rest above. No, sorry. Nothing you said or did. It was a general observation. I hear a lot of people talk about how highly they value "chemistry" and "attraction" and it just seemed like your story was a good example of why that's dangerous.....The "chemistry" was amazing, but she's lying and cheating. And I think oftentimes the intensity of that attraction just blinds people to behaviors that would otherwise be entirely unacceptable. It's almost like as the intensity goes up, the worse of an idea getting involved with that person is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resthead Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 And I think oftentimes the intensity of that attraction just blinds people to behaviors that would otherwise be entirely unacceptable. It's almost like as the intensity goes up, the worse of an idea getting involved with that person is. You're 100% right. But is it that strange? I mean there are qualities about her that I really love, but qualities that I dislike. And I don't want to lose the qualities I love about her from my life. I truly don't know what to do. Maybe wait a few months and see how I feel about her then? Right now she's living with me and I don't want to kick her out. Maybe wait until she finds her own place and then do it. I guess I'll wait a bit and see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMifune Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 I wouldn't expect any of her behaviors to change or get any better. If you can live with that you can wait and see, but I don't think someone who lies to you and cheats on you really deserves you going out of your way to offer them consideration. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resthead Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 I wouldn't expect any of her behaviors to change or get any better. If you can live with that you can wait and see, but I don't think someone who lies to you and cheats on you really deserves you going out of your way to offer them consideration. That's the problem though, I don't know if she cheats on me, or ever has been. I have no clue. I've been asking her for the truth several times, and she always tells me she hasn't cheated. But all the lies before is making me doubt that. This girl really, truly loves me, and I can tell. She would do anything for me. All this is making me more confused than I've ever been. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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