Finally got fed up

[CAPS4SAMMEH]

My boyfriend (Or I guess I should say Ex now) and I have had a rocky relationship. We've been through a lot of things together, I've helped him through a lot and he's done the same for me. I've thought about breaking up with him many times for many different reasons, but couldn't do it, he makes me happy. But lately he's been having some serious anger issues, starting fights over LITERALLY nothing, giving me an attitude, etc. I wouldn't consider the relationship abusive by any means. I get anxiety attacks and lately he has been the main cause of them.

 

I tried to have a calm conversation with him earlier while we were having lunch. The night before, he started an argument with a friend of ours over nothing. I waited until today to talk about it so he'd have time to cool off. The lunch was fine, once we were done eating I asked if he wanted to talk about what happened yesterday. He said sure. I remained calm for as long as I could but he started giving me attitude. He started deflecting whatever I said with an "okay" "mhm" or an "i guess." Then he changed the subject into our past relationship problems that he's never gotten over. Even though we talked through them (we've always been pretty good with communication), these past problems had absolutely nothing to do with what we were currently talking about. He kept blaming me for all the problems, and he even blamed me for the argument he started last night. Even though I had nothing to do with it. You know what he said? "You should've said something, or stopped me." UGH.

 

So I left the restaurant so we wouldn't cause a scene (though on my way out he called me a ). I texted him how done I am, all his stuff was going to be outside and not to talk to me. He's been causing so many arguments and drama lately, I just can't handle it anymore. I don't think I'm in love with him, and if I am, I don't want to be.

 

Okay so here's where the situation gets sticky. We share a group of friends. They're moreso his friends, and I'm not trying to steal them away from him or anything. Honestly I'd rather just avoid all that drama (even though it sucks, I'll miss them a lot ) We all had plans for Tuesday, I just decided to not show up, I don't know what he may be doing about it, or even if he thought about it.

 

Although I feel rather calm right now, I think I'm going to fully realize what just happened in a few days. My boyfriend and I were really close, I'd seem him pretty much everyday. I don't have any of my own friends, any friends I had were also shared with him. So I'm out of a boyfriend and out of friends. I know I'm going to sink into a deep depression in a matter of time. Just don't know when, and I won't know how to handle it. My boyfriend was always pretty good at forcing me out of bed and pulling me out of depression. But now I don't have that. So before I sink into depression, I'd like some tips on how to deal with it/prevent it. And any other advice you guys may have for me.

 

Thanks!

[ThatwasThen]

Maybe you won't even get into a funk now that you're away from a person that you obviously are better off without. Keep a positive attitude and believe 100% that you did the right thing in ending this "thing" you two had going on.

 

You will miss him, no doubt because you are used to having him in your life but that doesn't meant you have to hang onto that negative feeling like it was your best friend. In time, you'll have rehabbed from that habit of him being in your life and you'll be just fine. Do you have anyone in particular within the group of mutual friends that you were more close to then the others? If so, maybe you can reach out to her and without bad mouthing your ex to her, just ask if she would like to see a movie or do something together.

 

You'll be okay. Just don't make your withdrawl from him your best friend. Shake off all negative feelings, get up and do fun things and things you've always wanted to try but haven't yet gotten around to doing, well now is a great time to try those.

 

Remember: Going forward, believe that you are better off without him (as you truly are) keep telling yourself that when you are missing him and you'll be okay.

[CAPS4SAMMEH]

I don't think I was close enough to anyone in the friend circle to do that. And learning from experience in a similar situation... it probably won't work out. In my last close group of friends I got into an argument with one girl, decided not to be friends with her anymore. I tried to continue the friendship with everyone else but it blew up in my face. I want to avoid the drama again.

 

My depression gets really bad with isolation, and that's going to be difficult to face. I start up college next week, and I'll be working two part-time jobs, and going to school full time. I'm hoping it's a good enough distraction, but I've got nothing to do until next Tuesday (the 1st). Maybe I'll take up sewing again or something to keep me busy.

[catfeeder]

I'd make it my private goal to surprise myself with my resiliency and my ability to bounce back. Research your interests and use Craig's list or link removed or your local newspaper site to find a group to learn more about them. Volunteer at a local animal shelter or food pantry or neighborhood cleanup patrol.

 

With millions of people in the world, there are plenty of other friendships you can make--but beyond that, pursue counselling at your school--your tuition already covers it.

 

Learning how to stay away from people who are toxic to you is a sign of maturity. Congrats on a smart choice. The rest is also a decision--choose well.

 

Head high.

[CAPS4SAMMEH]

I'd make it my private goal to surprise myself with my resiliency and my ability to bounce back. Research your interests and use Craig's list or link removed or your local newspaper site to find a group to learn more about them. Volunteer at a local animal shelter or food pantry or neighborhood cleanup patrol.

 

With millions of people in the world, there are plenty of other friendships you can make--but beyond that, pursue counselling at your school--your tuition already covers it.

 

Learning how to stay away from people who are toxic to you is a sign of maturity. Congrats on a smart choice. The rest is also a decision--choose well.

 

Head high.

 

Oh my god!! Thank you so much! I never thought about my school's free counselling. I'm still in contact with my ex, he's having a very hard time dealing with this. I've been encouraging him to go to counselling or therapy for MONTHS but he's always found one excuse or the other to not go. I'm going to let him know about this. And if I begin to fall into depression again I'll definitely use it, my health insurance has crappy co-pays and I'm going to be super broke after I pay for textbooks. So you are a lifesaver!