Shipwreck Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I need to get this off my chest because lately I have been thinking about it more and more. I promised myself that I would never say a word about this to anyone, and I only do so now because of the anonymous nature of the internet. 2 years ago I was living in an apartment with my ex-roommate. One day I woke up feeling pretty sick, so I decided to stay in bed for the day. My roommate took pity on me and suggested that I watch a few movies to take my mind off my discomfort. She lent me her USB stick which had several downloaded movies on it. She told me to be very careful and not to lose the USB since she had some work stuff on there. She told me where to find the movies in the stick directory. I browsed through the movie selection and could only find a couple of films that appealed to me. After watching a few movies I exited the folder and was ready to unplug the memory stick when I decided I would quickly just make sure that all the movies were located in this one folder and that there were no others in different folders. I know, this was stupid since she had already told me in which file the movies were located. But in my fevered state I didn't think any harm could come just from browsing a couple of the other folders just to make sure she didn't have any other good films saved in a different location....stupid, I know. Anyways after a few seconds I came accross a folder I most definitely was not supposed to see. I will not and will never reveal the contents of the folder, suffice to say that they were absolutely not meant for anyone's eyes but hers. Everything up until this point is (in my mind at least) in the realm of forgivable. But what I did next makes me truly ashamed of myself to this day: I didn't close the folder immediately, and for a few seconds I even browsed through some of files. After a few seconds (I don't know how long it was), I suddenly snapped to and realized what a terribly offensive, stupid, invasive thing I was doing. It was as if I had "woken up" from a state of hypnosis. I was repulsed with myself for having betrayed her trust in me. I take full responsibility for my stupid actions, but for a few minutes my brain just seemed to shut down completely and I entered this zombie state in which I was seemingly unable to think clearly. It frightened and sickened me. I unplugged the USB stick and closed the computer. Over the next few months I noticed that she gradually became more and more distant towards me. She started spending more time with her significant other and seemed to become almost indifferent to the fact that I was living in the same apartment. She was still polite and courteous when we did see each other, but she seemed to try to avoid me a lot. I don't know if she ever found out what I did. I swore to myself that I would never do anything like that again (I should have known this already, I know), and I swore that I would never reveal the contents of the folder. And I never will. We eventually went our separate ways. We remained friends on FB and even chatted a few times just to catch up. Last night I realized that sometime earlier this summer she removed me as a friend on FB. Should I send her a message and come clean about what I did, or should I just never mention this ever again to anyone and take it with me to my grave? I swore on my life that I will never tell a soul, but can I even trust myself? Words can't express how sorry I am for my actions. The only reason why I think that telling her would maybe not be such a great idea is that I would be putting her in a situation in which she would have to acknowledge the contents of the file in question. This might make things incredibly uncomfortable for her as well. So I guess my dilemma is: if our roles would be reversed, would I want the other person to tell me he/she looked through my personal property, or would I be happier living in a state of ignorance? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 What would it achieve if you told her? Nothing. It would just lessen your guilt. It's selfish to tell her now. The time is past for that. Just understand that what you did was wrong. It sounds like the friendship had faded anyway. Let it go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 but can I even trust myself? You have yet to take responsibility for your actions. Your feverish, zombie state was not the reason you opened files that you shouldn't have. Your nosey, selfish and immature nature allowed you to freely access what was none of your business. And I am sure that you pretending you didn't see anything was less than believable. No, there is no reason to tell her what you saw. The only purpose would be to blackmail her. And now you are making comments and posting on a board about it? You want her to acknowledge them, for what ever perverted reason. She has cut you from her life for a reason. Stay away. BTW --- did you ever share this with her: but I am not sure how much longer I can go on pretending like I am not hopelessly in love with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Leave it alone. It's as much her fault as it is yours. she shouldn't have shared that USB stick with that content. And your curiosity, that's completely normal. Most people would've done similar thing......us humans are curious bunch. Learn from it, don't do it again and don't worry about this girl. Friends come and go, the reason for her going most likely has NOTHING to do with what you did.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 As stated, she only stands to lose by being made uncomfortable by you telling her. Simply forgive yourself and don't snoop again. At least you regret it. There are countless people on these forums alone who feel no remorse for invading the privacy of others. I feel like your reasoning for doing so is that you believe she somehow knew you checked the files and that's why she became distant with you and that, had you admitted it, you two could have crossed that bridge and been personable again. Don't take the distance personally. It sounds like she grew closer to her boyfriend or she simply didn't feel the need to be a super friendly roommate and didn't feel close enough to you to continue the friendship after you two parted ways. It happens all the time and is honestly among the more favorable roomie outcomes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WithLove Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 ^ Liked so that you're not at 666 Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 It would also appear that the reason she became distant is because you professed your love to her (I did some more digging) and she turned you down. Rather emphatically. That in and of itself would have been reason for the discomfort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 The only thing you would accomplish, is embarrassing her. I can't understand why you would consider telling her. You need to get over yourself. This guilt release is all about you. If you hadn't of been so nosey, this wouldn't have happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 BTW --- did you ever share this with her: but I am not sure how much longer I can go on pretending like I am not hopelessly in love with her. Well that's certainly a find. I recant my previous post. I was assuming both OP and the roommate were both women. I bet the roommate wasn't quite as oblivious as OP believed her to be. The snooping makes much more sense now as well as the need he feels to get back in touch with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shipwreck Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 It would also appear that the reason she became distant is because you professed your love to her this was a different person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 ^ Liked so that you're not at 666 Thanks. Coulda been bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 this was a different person. I think you would be well advised to NOT have any future female housemates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shipwreck Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 I think you would be well advised to NOT have any future female housemates. Completely Agree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I think you would be well advised to NOT have any future female housemates. I think you are a little harsh on OP. The CORE of the issue was her housemate, she should not be sharing USB with that sort of thing. Sure OP is still at fault, but I'm pretty sure most people would've wondered around and snooped a bit. Give her a break. She admitted to making a mistake and feels bad about it and learned from it. No big deal, no harm done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I think you are a little harsh on OP. The CORE of the issue was her housemate, she should not be sharing USB with that sort of thing. Sure OP is still at fault, but I'm pretty sure most people would've wondered around and snooped a bit. Give her a break. She admitted to making a mistake and feels bad about it and learned from it. No big deal, no harm done.OP is a straight man who has a history of developing feelings for opposite-sex housemates (revealed in a previous thread, not this one). But no, the roommate is not at fault for having her things snooped on any more than my girlfriend would be if she asked me to get her wallet out of her purse and I used that as a license to pull her phone out of it and scan through it. She gave him the USB and told him the exact folder. I don't necessarily blame the OP for looking for more movies. That is something I could see myself doing. But the extent to which he admits to having snooped is not the fault of the roommate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I do not brook people who betray my trust in them. She did not entice him and say "whatever you do, don't open file X". She trusted him and said "movies are in the movie folder". HE decided to snoop thru other folders and files. It's all on him. And his lack of self control. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I think this all happened so long ago that wearing a hair shirt about it doesn't serve you. After all, she shouldn't really have content on a USB that she then hands out to other people to use. This is just common sense. Sure we'd all like to think we won't click on the wrong thing or let curiosity get the better of us, but come on. Remember the story about Pandora's Box? She just could not resist peaking after she knew she couldn't. I think your former roomie's attitude toward you shifted, not because of the USB thing, but if you developed any sort of crush or looked at her or acted differently in any way to indicate you may have started seeing her as a woman rather than just a friend that would explain why she backed away and became distant. Or the harsh fact is friendships just fade sometimes. May be she hasn't unfriended you over anything you did either, maybe the guy she's with now is the uber-jealous type. This may not even be about you at all. Forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes. Move on. Contacting her now to "confess" is frankly going to come accross as creepy and you just trying to get back in her good graces. Honestly if a male friend saw compromising pics or worse of me the last thing I'd ever want to know is that he did. My go-to reactoin to any such confession would be he's trying to now let me know in a really inappropriate way he likes what he saw and wants more. Yep, he'd get blocked fast even if that wasn't his intentions. Leave it alone. You haven't been roomies and you aren't even friends now, so what's the point. If she'd found out you looked she'd have treated you with anger at the time. What you describe is simply a slow fade away of two people who don't have as much in common anymore or a woman who senses a guy might be more into her than she is into him. And again, not saying you should have looked, but she also should have just known better too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 OP is a straight man who has a history of developing feelings for opposite-sex housemates (revealed in a previous thread, not this one). But no, the roommate is not at fault for having her things snooped on any more than my girlfriend would be if she asked me to get her wallet out of her purse and I used that as a license to pull her phone out of it and scan through it. She gave him the USB and told him the exact folder. I don't necessarily blame the OP for looking for more movies. That is something I could see myself doing. But the extent to which he admits to having snooped is not the fault of the roommate. I thought OP was a woman. It doesn't really matter, if he is a man than what the room mate did is 10x worse. Why in the world would you give a man USB stick with nudes......that's just stupid, sorry. I never said snooping is his room mates fault, I said she is at faults for ENABLING the room mate to have access to such files. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I do not brook people who betray my trust in them. She did not entice him and say "whatever you do, don't open file X". She trusted him and said "movies are in the movie folder". HE decided to snoop thru other folders and files. It's all on him. And his lack of self control. Human nature is to do whatever you are enabled to do. It's like saying "I can't tell you this but it's crazy", of course the person is going to be questioning what "that" is. Again, we are a curious bunch. What OP did is completely normal and most people would've done the same..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoF Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 OP, definitely don't be room mates with females. And I have a feeling she doesn't know about this at all. It's probably safe to assume that she got serious with her loved one and clearly having male friends is probably quite inappropriate and disrespectful towards her current relationship. You both made a mistake, her for allowing access to that and you for snooping. Let it go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unreasonable Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Regardless of the morality of the thing (I consider it as egregious as rifling through one's drawers), the question is whether he should tell her, and he definitely should not. FYI OP, a quick look at file properties tells you when a file was last accessed. That's my PSA for today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottieflanogon Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I agree with others .... No good will come for confessing that you betrayed her by looking through her personal property when she asked you not to. Its better and more selfless for you to just keep it to your self and not do it again. What she doesn't know wont hurt her. ...... all you are going to accomplish, is ease your own guilt, embarrassing her and making her feel uncomfortable .Things will never be the same between you two if you confess...you betrayed her trust Some times its best in life to keep it to your self, and hurt only you, not the other person Having the guilt eat at you is one of the consequences of your choices,your selfish choices. you should deal with it rather than making yet another selfish choice and hurting another to relieve that overwhelming guilt. Let it go Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Yep, she could see you'd opened the folder because it shows an "accessed" date. She probably checked to make sure you didn't open it and saw you had. If I ask my roomie to put a towel he borrowed away in my room, that doesn't give him license to peruse my underwear drawer. But no, I wouldn't confess after all this time. I'm guessing she'd either ignore you or call you bad names. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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