My boyfriend is leaving for college

[Heyitsme49]

I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year but before dating we were best friends for almost three years, he's been in my life for awhile. Anyway, I'm going to be a senior this year but he graduated last year & is going to college 2 hours away. We have that best friend type of relationship where we do everything together & spend every second possible with each other & when we're not together we're usually talking on the phone or texting. He told me months ago that he wants to stay with me when he goes away but the closer the day he leaves gets, the more scared I get. I really love this person & I'm just scared that college could ruin everything we've built together. I dont want to be in a situation where we could have worked out & stayed together forever but college got in the way & changed everything or something?! I don't have many friends & im scared that when he leaves I'll go back into a depression because I won't know what to do with myself. I feel selfish because he'll only be 2 hours away but it's hard going from 2 minutes away to 2 hours! Please help!

[Man with Dog]

First of all, 2 hours is not like the distance relationships we read about on this board where continents are involved. True, it will mean you won't be in each other's pockets all the time but that isn't a bad thing. It is healthy for you to have some friends and activities away from each other.

 

With cheap communications, distance is not the issue it was 20 or 30 years ago. It is true that not all relationships survive college but many do. Also, whilst your relationship seems idyllic at the moment, most relationships at your age don't survive. This is usually because people your age change a lot. What if he decided not to go and you split?

 

At this stage of your lives, education has to come first. Believe me, there's plenty of time for nest building, children, etc.

[RainyCoast]

you absolutely should not be so dependent on anyone as to need their atention every two minutes!!

 

and, yeah, two hours is nothing.

 

i would take this as an oportuity to become more independent-- if a relationship falls apart over something as pivotal as that then it obviously wasn't the right one.

 

im scared that when he leaves I'll go back into a depression because I won't know what to do with myself.

a boyfriend is not an antidepressant or a therapist. if your mental health depends on him that much then you should definitely seek some counseling for yourself.

 

work on yourself, your mental health, school, develop your own interests, friends almost always occur as a side effect of that. you'll still have more than enough of an opportunity to maintain a relationship, and if you're not constantly hanging on him it should actually be a healthier one than previously. If not-- not. You'll learn to live without a crutch.

[Snny]

Anyway, I'm going to be a senior this year but he graduated last year & is going to college 2 hours away. We have that best friend type of relationship where we do everything together & spend every second possible with each other & when we're not together we're usually talking on the phone or texting. He told me months ago that he wants to stay with me when he goes away but the closer the day he leaves gets, the more scared I get. I really love this person & I'm just scared that college could ruin everything we've built together.

The relationship you described is a high school relationship. He (and eventually you) will be transitioning into adulthood where you won't be in touch that often. Your priorities will change, and so will your relationship. Right now, the most important thing for him is to get a college education and receive job training so he can stabilize himself in a career. How do you expect him to support a family without one?

 

If he wants to stay together, then it is up to both of you to maintain the effort. LDRs take a lot of work to make it happen. I was in an LDR on and off with my husband before we tied the knot because of college AND job locations.

 

I don't have many friends & im scared that when he leaves I'll go back into a depression because I won't know what to do with myself.

This has got to change. You should not be depending on him to be your entire social circle. This is your last wave of high school- make it memorable. Make some friends. Go to festivals together.

 

I was engaged to a Marine during my senior year (I didn't marry him because he changed for the worst). This was right after 9/11 when he was indefinitely deployed right after boot camp. I was absolutely terrified on top of living with a father who was one of the firefighters that responded to the call at the Pentagon and later the WTC. I was LUCKY not to lose my father that day... But my HS sweetheart who was going to fight the front lines? He was gone throughout my senior year and barely made it to my prom. But MY FRIENDS, a couple best friends and some who were college students I met at a local festival made my senior year. I could not have had a good, memorable year without them. They kept me grounded and helped me find out who I was- in fact they accepted me better than the former fiancé.

 

You choose your fate, but you are being too dependable. You need to work on it.

[Doc Blaze]

You need to accept that thing will not be the same. college is very different then high school..you probably will not text or talk as much as you do right now either..he will be going through a lot of changes and new things...It will be very hard. But you as a person need to find yourself also..go out make some friends, do things that you like to do...if you sit back dwell on how awful you feel and go back into depression, i will say that there is a good chance that it will not work out...

 

 

my gf goes to college 2 hours away..i know how you feel trust me...but when my gf is going throuh a lot of stress at school with exams, tests school, the last thing she wants to deal with is someone who is depressed and down .