My boyfriend is a crybaby and very sensitive, should I break up with him?

[marikamaine]

Now, please do not be mad at me and say that I am being judgemental or something. If you have nothing good to say, then I kindly ask you to close this page. For those who want to know the whole story, I appreciate it. Please read on.

 

I and my boyfriend are together for 6 months. Everything went smoothly at first, and it was wonderful. He immediately introduced me to his family. It felt good since he was the first person to introduce me to their family (I've dated several people before and no one ever introduced me, except him). I thought that he was the one so I also introduced to him my family. Time went by, we had a few fights. Every time we fought, he would cry. He said that it was better to cry than keep his anger within himself, so I accepted that and just let him cry whenever we fought. It was okay at first but he would just cry for every little thing that makes him upset. He cried because I kind of ignored him (because I was tired and sleepy from travelling). He cried because he thought I was yelling at him over the phone (well because of bad coverage, I can't hear him well. I thought he couldn't hear me too). He cried because I got mad at him (he didn't listen to me when I said no and embarrased himself, me, and his friends). He cried because I wasn't able to talk to him. He cried because he thinks I'm cold. He cried because I didn't say "I miss you" back. He cried because I'm not happy and so on and so forth. It became annoying. He's also very sensitive and I can't even explain myself without having him make the whole situation a huge drama. It felt like I was babysitting. And oh, speaking of child. He also acts like a child. Literally. He would call me or talk to me in a small voice and stuttering like a baby. I thought it was cute but it became an everyday thing. More like, an everytime-we-speak thing. I thought I would be used to it but it became annoying. It feels like I'm a mother to a toddler or something. Btw, he's a big man, for Pete's sake. He's tall and muscular. So it's very weird to see him act like that.

 

I just do not know what to do now. Setting aside his annoying childishness and sensitivity, he's a wonderful man. Before we became a couple, I'm already one of the many people who respected and admired him. As a person, he's a gentleman. He's generous, responsible, and caring. He's also very talented and his works are impressive. He cares about morale and supports his friends. In short, he's a person you would really respect and look up to.

 

I have thought of breaking up with him. Recently, I started being distant. He immediately picked up the sign and cried again asking me the problem. He's really sensitive and I know that breaking up with him is going to be difficult. He cares for me a lot and do care for him too. But I just don't want to lie to him and myself anymore -- the spark isn't there anymore. I don't want to say "I love you" without really meaning it. I no longer want to be his romantic partner but I genuinely want to be his friend. We have the same group of friends. I don't want him to stay away from the group as much as I don't want to leave my friends just because we broke up. I want to see him be successful and happy. Am I wrong? What should I do? Will I really break up with him? If yes, I know it's not going to be easy but could you give me an advice on how to do it as painless and clean as possible? Sorry for the long post, but I really appreciate you reading this. Thank you!

[mhowe]

First of all, telling people how they can respond to you is rather controlling.

 

Which brings me to my advice:

He cries when you:

Ignore him

You yell at him

You got mad at him because he embarrassed you

Because he thinks you are cold

Because you are not happy (likely tears of frustration)

 

He clearly seems unhappy, as do you. Being distant to someone who is sensitive is counter indicated.

 

You neither like nor respect him, so friendship is off the table. He won't stay away from the group of friends --- he is generous, responsible and caring and when he tells them you broke up with him, they will support him as friends do.

 

You tell him this just isn't working out, you wish him well and then you leave his life. He will survive. And one day, he will find a woman who accepts him as he is.

[agent1607307371]

In honesty, once someone begins to annoy you that much, you should break up with them. As much for their sake as yours. Calling him a crybaby is pretty mean, but the behaviours you describe would grate on me as much as they seem to be grating on you. - There is sensitive, and then there is ridiculous.

 

And you are probably not going to be able to be his friend. You're broken up, you need to leave him alone, and you need some space away from him too. Maybe one day in the future it might be possible, but right now it's not.

 

There's no painless here. You need to tell him you can't be with him and stick to it. Don't give false hope, don't prevaricate.

[SpottiOtti]

I would do it over the phone, because if he's that sensitive it would probably be harder on you both to do it in person. And I think you should make sure to tell him that the unreasonable sensitivity, baby talk, and crying for the slightest little thing are what led to the breakup. I mean, gender roles aside - that kind of stuff would be annoying if a woman did it, too. There's being sensitive and in touch with your emotions, and there's having unresolved issues or an unregulated neurotransmitter imbalance. (I could be wrong here, but I suspect possible mommy issues with this guy as well?) Other than that - just be straightforward, be prepared for him to try and emotionally manipulate you, be prepared for the tears and the drama and steel your resolve against them. He will probably accuse you of being cold, stuff like that, just don't feed into it at all, just ignore it.

[DoF]

You don't love him, end it and break all contact.

 

Let him deal with his own issues......

[relevart]

Now, please do not be mad at me and say that I am being judgemental or something. If you have nothing good to say, then I kindly ask you to close this page. For those who want to know the whole story, I appreciate it. Please read on.

You called him a "crybaby" in the subject line when you could have left it at "very sensitive" or even emotional. Before I read the thread, I couldn't help but judge how I thought the rest of the thread would go. No one wants to be called a crybaby whether they are seven years old or 25. That's judgmental in itself of you. Which tells me that you don't like to be judged -- who does? -- but you're on here calling your boyfriend names

-- Every time we fought, he would cry. He said that it was better to cry than keep his anger within himself, so I accepted that and just let him cry whenever we fought.

-- He cried because I kind of ignored him (because I was tired and sleepy from travelling).

-- He cried because he thought I was yelling at him over the phone (well because of bad coverage, I can't hear him well. I thought he couldn't hear me too).

-- He cried because I got mad at him (he didn't listen to me when I said no and embarrased himself, me, and his friends). He cried because I wasn't able to talk to him.

-- He cried because he thinks I'm cold.

-- He cried because I didn't say "I miss you" back.

-- He cried because I'm not happy and so on and so forth. It became annoying.

Really, the bottom line is that this is probably who he is. He's emotional. He may never change. He probably won't change by being raked over the coals over it. If it's a dealbreaker for you -- and it sounds like it is -- best thing to do now is to just break up with him.

 

And bring the tissues.

 

But I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that for every occasion you listed where he cried, you pointed out that nothing was your fault. At the very least, he had issues, right or wrong, with things about you, but you were quick to point out that you were blameless. When we come to these threads, we like to point out the faults of those we are posting about. In many cases, we have serious concerns. You do, too, as well. But the truth is that the fault is usually not 100% on one party or the other and sometimes we need to look in the mirror as strongly as we point the finger at someone else.

[j.man]

For me, the hardest thing about dumping someone is having to see them cry. I'd hate to sound heartless, but if I had a girlfriend crying every other day already, I'd probably get the point of thinking, "What's one more gonna hurt?" and just dump her and deal with it.

 

Judging by the number of tissues he's going through as it is, you're not really doing him any favors by keeping him around. If you don't wanna be with him, be done with it.

 

And, yes, while you have described some things I think a guy would be justifiably upset about, I didn't read anything that I think merits tears. He's got some issues.

[ParisPaulette]

As the others have said you need to break up with him, because the spark is gone. The tears are a deal-breaker for you plus I see hints of him being really just insecure and a wee tad controlling. Getting upset and crying, because you're tired and not that talkative is unreasonable as are some of the other things you mention. A simple communication would solve the problem, but he bursts into tears and has to be hand-held and that's not good. And yes, I would say this if it were a woman too. That kind of smothering and dare I say it hints of manipulation are just signs he isn't ready for a serious relationship and is an emotional wreck in general whatever the cause may be.

 

And if you think he irritates you now give it another month. This isn't good for both of you, frankly.

 

Rip the bandaid off cleanly. Tell him you have lost feelings and do not hold out an offer of being friends. That's just sort of cruel, because he'll take that as there being hope. And yes, you may or may not lose a friend or two out of the deal, but honestly don't they see this too? I imagine one or two of them have been on the receiving end of a crying jag now and again.

 

Be respectful, be calm, don't back down. Don't be derisive no matter how much you might want to be. People go on the defensive automatically when you describe someone as a crybaby and it's really kind of not what the problem is here. He's not a baby, he's an adult and should be able to interact like one. The problem is this guy has some sort of issues that keep him from being able to deal normally with daily interactions and communication and from what you describe it almost comes accross as he's busy looking for insults and slights where none exist. I read through what you describe and getting upset over someone having to raise their voice due to a bad connection? Come on, that's a two-second? "Hey, are you upset?" "No, I just can't hear you, the phone connection sucks." "Oh, okay. Let me call you back." My husband travels for work periodically and we've run into that. It's a very simple communication and no tears ought to be involved. Ditto one partner just not being talkative for again a very understandable reason--you're tired. For someone who is sensitive he seems rather short on intuition and empathy, where many people would pick up on the fact that you're tired and help you. Not use it to start a full-blown fight complete with tears.

 

End it already before you turn into a seething ball of frustration and anger. He will likely already know why and don't let yourself be manipulated by tears and begging or that's all you're ever going to get.

 

And this is yet another lesson in why moving a relationship a bit more slowly and just dating rather than committing from the get-go is a good idea since it takes time to really get to know one another. And yes that's often when you discover the dealbreakers. Time to end it. It is what it is and and you won't please everyone no matter what you do here, but you do have to like and respect the person you're with and yes love them too. And you don't.

[annie24]

If you're making him cry everyday, you're probably not the right match for him either. I'm a sensitive person too, but yeah, if I'm dating someone and I'm crying over them more than I'm laughing, that's a sign that the relationship is NOT RIGHT. Break it off clean, like ripping off a bandaid. Good luck.

[Man with Dog]

Right or wrong, he irritates you. I think his behaviour sounds extreme but, in my opinion, that is not the issue. You don't love him. Best to try the old "it's not you, it's me" clichés. If you tell him he should grow up or it is his fault, he'll protest for hours that he can change.

 

He can't. Al least not without years of therapy. He probably doesn't know what "appropriate behaviour is" and could be autistic. This is reason to feel sorry for him but not a reason for you to stay. If you stay as not to hurt him, you will only resent him and hate him in the end.

 

Leave with a clear conscience.

[marikamaine]

Thank you for all the replies, I appreciate them. I'll read them carefully and think of a way on how to tell him. I want to personally tell him, he deserves a proper closure, at least.

 

I'm sorry for being judgmental myself -- calling him names and such. This started out as a rant but I should have chosen proper words to describe him.

[beavis]

Both you and him seem unhappy. If he chooses to express himself by crying and whatnot, that is his decision and you can't change it. You can't change him. If you don't like the way he acts, or don't like the way he is, then you should be with someone else and not him. Break up with him.

[mhowe]

I just went back and read your other posts...you don't even like the guy! Why did you get pregnant??

 

I wouldn't hold out any hope.