SlowLearner Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I've fallen head over heels in.lve for the first time and really need to get it right. However I've ljterally no clue how this "flirting" thing works, since I've never even tried it before, and I may have even botched it already. The situation is thus: I met her when I was guest-lecturing Advanced Math in the summer school. She was a student at the time there (she was 17, I was 23, so it's all legal). Afterwards I visited some of her hobby clubs, we talked a bit on rather neutral themes, and then I tried to invite her to a date, three times - to a jazz club, to.a.restaurant and somwhere else, which I dont remember. She refused politely (saying she was busy or simply not interested) and I decided that it would be wrong to pursue the matter any further. Now I bumped int her again. Shes 19 and is getting more beautiful each day, and I really want to try again. But I want to do it right, thus I need a gaame plan from experienced people - and that would be you. The cons of the situation are the previous botched attepmpt, my relatvely low social.skills. especially related.to romance and, lastly, I do.not have a great appearance. Im not gross or anything, but I am slightly overweight and may have troubkes with selecting good clothes/perfume/whatever. Also, if that matters - we come form different backgrounds, her being borderline pooor, and I come from reasonably rich parents, which could affect things one way or the other. The pros are that I have a good job, which leaves me with time.and funds for my personal.life, and I've on occasion been told that I am clever, and at times I can be good at conversation, bordering on witty. As my assets I also have her facebook profile, phone number (may be outdated - she gave it a year back) and a few semi-reasonable pretensesfor.bumping into her. So given all of the above - what should I.do? What is my next.move? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peachykeen77 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Okay. Do you happen to know any of her interests? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinydance Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Errrr....Look, I'm not sure how to say this without shutting you down, but do you think that maybe she's not interested in you as more than a friend? I mean, there must be a reason why she turned down all your invitations before....? If she was interested surely she would have gone out with you? I mean, you could just start chatting to her again and invite her out again and see what she says, and then you'll have your answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 You asked her out three times and she declined/refused all three times. This would indicate to me that she really isn't interested in you. It's probably a good idea to move on at this point, imo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlowLearner Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 2peachykeen77 Her: She is a last year student at the same school I graduated, beautiful, obviously, but also very smart, perhaps more so than I was at her age. She has a lot of hobby/work things (like youth or exchange programs, also actual.part time unskilled jobs she does for personal spending money) she balances with extra credit schoolwork. She seems to to like some musical groups, but that's speculation based off her facebook likes.and event calendars. Due to her work and activities, she is well traveled, despite being on a low budget. To.my knowledge she is not currently in a relationship. 2others. Well, I figured she was not interested then, which is why i stopped. But it has been two years, and maybe things changed? Theres gotta be something I can do to improve my chances, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peachykeen77 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Maybe she had a boyfriend or another interest when she was 17. When I was younger, I had the feeling that a few shy guys wanted to ask me out ,but never got their nerve up. Sometimes it is as simple as having the right timing. Really, slowlearner, has nothing to lose by asking this girl out. Even if she is to refuse him again, he could ask to be her friend. If she is a good person, she will see what a good person slowlearner is in due time. The main key is to have her spend some time with the ladd. Did you ask her out three separate times before? Or did you offer three choices when you asked her out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlowLearner Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 It was three times, but at a rather quick.succession - perhaps within two weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peachykeen77 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Do you like the same type of music she likes on FB? What do YOU like to do? What makes you feel comfortable to do? What is fun for you? If you invite her to do something that you are very comfortable with then she'll get to see you in your best light. Let's figure that out, then we'll figure out how to blend in what she will be comfortable with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peachykeen77 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 My first hunch...if you are wealthy, and she is not, then let's think of something that she cannot typically do..but won't feel awkward at (for not owning the correct attire or feeling like she'll be expected to owe you something). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlowLearner Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 2peachykeen77 I listened to the things she liked on fbokk and attended one or two ofthe events I thought she might go to, and I did enjoy it. Im not into.music in general, but those ones were prettty good. As for my interests - I cannot think of anything romantically appropriate, as my pursuits are rather cerebral and solitary in nature. I write (utter trash so far), work out and I started learning skydiving, which I dont believe is of interest to her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Two years have passed and she's 19 now so it wouldn't surprise me if she has a boyfriend/relationship. In order to find out, there's not much you can do but to get in touch and ask her. Either way, you'll get an answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peachykeen77 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Okay. Being open to her interests is a good start. What are yours? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlowLearner Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 As for my interests - I cannot think of anything romantically appropriate, as my pursuits are rather cerebral and solitary in nature. I write (utter trash so far), work out and I started learning skydiving, which I dont believe is of interest to her. I also do a fair bit of travelling which may be of sime use, since we coincide in our interest anday allow me to leverage my financial position. 2Capricorn3 It is of course possible,but I do not believe so based on what ive seen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peachykeen77 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I will help start your brain storming list by listing times I really enjoyed. I'm in my 30s so I have had a lot of enjoyable dates. Sitting on a roof and watching the stars Riding in a fast sports car Having a man cook a very yummy and healthful meal for me Dancing Having a sunset picnic in a park Concert and diner Just watching a movie at his house Helping with a task..feeling of use Museums are an exellent place to talk and be alone while in public (I love art tho). Science museums might be up her alley Hot air balloon ride Private box seats at sporting event Oh, and if you have a boat..those are fun..even kyacks doesn't matter the size Bb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Man with Dog Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I would check out her Facebook status to see if she's in a relationship. An invitation to something less romantic such as coffee during the day would gauge whether she could be interested in friendship and may even give some idea as to whether she might like to be more than friends. When it comes to "reading the signs" I can't help you, as I normally got it wrong during my dating days. Things may have changed over 2 years but there are no guarantees and if I were you, I would not invest all my romantic interest in one girl. Are there other girls you find attractive and like as people, too? Even if you do date her, the chances of it developing into something lifelong are less than 10%. Most people these days do not marry the first "serious" girlfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainyCoast Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 i'm just...finding it potentially troublesome that after two years, and knowing very little about her you're still fixated on this particular girl. have you tried meeting girls in the past two years? getting to know them? she's a stunner and intelligent. so. does that sound so promising to keep dwelling on it for two years? you could, of course, simply try your luck and if she says yes, you'll have a chance to determine whether you're really compatible as partners. But i get a feeling you're not thinking too much about what compatibility means. In fact, it sounds like you're not thinking about much anything beyond superficial attraction. Which isn't a crime i guess, but it's not something one would be wise to be set on for that long. Maybe i'm wrong, just going by the info provided in this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peachykeen77 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Don't you dare do the ordanary. Think of something grand...yet simple. Is there a college she would like to tour. Or, an aviation museum that has skydiving simulation? Don't ask her to really skydive..just do the simulation(looks like fun). Omg..off beat book stores are fun too. You could look for an event..or say that you were given two tickets for...the museam, skydiving simulation, a lecture...etc. make it for some event or time frame within a one or two week timeline (say there is an expert in date). Then ping her and say that you have these tickets and invited someone by they went on holiday. Ask if she could please go with you, you don't want to go alone and have been wanting to see her again. Or, you could just be honest and ask if she would like to go out. Then ask her what she has been wanting to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlowLearner Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 I am also surprised at my reaction. Im not usually interested in relationships. As in - at all. Never had one, nor ws I particularily interested. There wasthe degree, then there was the job,so not much time for it either. until this happened. So…either that's horrmones, or maybe shes the one. I dunno. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peachykeen77 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Need to apologize for all of my typos. My phone is over auto correcting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinydance Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 You asked her out three times and she declined/refused all three times. This would indicate to me that she really isn't interested in you. It's probably a good idea to move on at this point, imo. I will help start your brain storming list by listing times I really enjoyed. I'm in my 30s so I have had a lot of enjoyable dates. Sitting on a roof and watching the stars Riding in a fast sports car Having a man cook a very yummy and healthful meal for me Dancing Having a sunset picnic in a park Concert and diner Just watching a movie at his house Helping with a task..feeling of use Museums are an exellent place to talk and be alone while in public (I love art tho). Science museums might be up her alley Hot air balloon ride Private box seats at sporting event Oh, and if you have a boat..those are fun..even kyacks doesn't matter the size Bb Wow, these are all amazing! I SO want to go on at least some of these dates! Wish someone would ask me out! Lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peachykeen77 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I've dated poor people and wealthy people. What makes a date wonderful is being able to laugh, be flexible, and being with someone who is interested in my mind, body, and soul. Having good conversation coupled with stolen glances...I love it! Talking about fond childhood memories and our dream of the future...love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peachykeen77 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Oh, if you workout, then hiking or botanical gardens are always great dating venues...something one on one where hand holding may take place and you both can go (walk) at your own pace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlowLearner Posted August 17, 2015 Author Share Posted August 17, 2015 So... assuming I figure out a venue for a date (some great ideas here - thank you for suggesting)... how should I go about it? Do I come in casual-like, with "Hey, fancy bumping into you here, and by the way, I just so happen to have this extra ticket to a romantic picknic, wondered if you want to come with?"? Or do I just go straight up (that's a horribly gut-wrenchingly terrifying thought... and that is compared to me having to jump out of a flying plane yesterday)? How is it even done? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peachykeen77 Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 If you know where she works, lives, has a club, you could write her a hand written (or typed) note...it would be unique and you would be asking her directly without having her see you blush. However, I recommend asking her in person so you may read her body language (assuming you know how to read body language. ..some people do not, and that is okay). Also, if she has questions..like;how will I get to the venue, what should I wear, or what do I need to pay for?..you will be there to answer any questions so she may feel more comfortable. When in doubt, blame a generous aunt or someone..even a friend. Say your aunt or mom gave you the tickets..you know they went out of their way for you, and you thought that it's something she might enjoy and that you get the feeling that you will enjoy her company. Keep it simple, sweet, and thoughful (not desperate ). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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