lynguist Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 So me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years now. And the past few months have felt really strange.. We have a strong connection and we're together every day but i felt something different the past few months.. I've got a problem with snooping on her messages and its because she acts like everything is okay when its really not. I only do it when i feel like something is up because she will never tell me.. Last year she left me for 2 weeks out of nowhere i woke up one day to her saying I'm moving out.. 2 weeks gone by and we're back together again.. but again this past few months have felt really weird so i checked her facebook messages today and it turns out shes been planning to move away from me like out of state accross the country and back with her mom within the next month or 2. I had no idea.. It's so weird i bought her flowers a few days ago she was so happy.. the past few days shes been clingy to me i know she loves me and i love her.. But after reading that message that shes planning to leave me it all feels fake now.. i dont know how to approach this situation.. shes already super **** at me for snooping on her messages in the past.. I really don't want to bring this up to her it will cause a fight.. I don't know what to do but i know our relationship is coming to an end probably by the end of september.. It's sad because I've never done anything wrong to her ive always treated her with tons of love and we always have fun.. It's so sad that i will be losing my best friend.. ;'( how do i approach this situation what do i do!! Right now i think I'm going to just ignore her.. I was supposed to go over her house tonight and hang out but i am staying home, i don't even want to talk to her and i feel like i should be the one who breaks up with her. I'm not letting her destroy my heart again out of no where. But please give me advice, this is really painful i really love her and i thought everything was okay.. just like last time when she woke me up saying shes moving out.. everything was fine and then BAM stab you through the heart.. i hate that.. If you're moving away and leaving me i would rather want to know in time so i can have time to get over this.. Instead of just dropping that bomb on me out of the blue.. that hurts the most.. I'm glad and sad at the same time that i read her messages today because now i can prepare. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 Who was it that she emailed to say that she would be moving out of state? Does she have somewhere to live once she gets there? (Just trying to figure out her motive) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynguist Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 Who was it that she emailed to say that she would be moving out of state? Does she have somewhere to live once she gets there? (Just trying to figure out her motive) she was talking to her friend about it, her mom lives out there shes got a place to stay, she was googling uhauls a week or 2 ago.. It's just so random how this happens for the 2nd time when i think everything is okay.. we're happy not fighting.. we rarely ever fight.. we're very good together.. That's why I'm so confused about this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainyCoast Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 well why did she suddenly leave the first time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 What's done is done but, I think you were wrong to snoop on her. A more helpful way to approach this would be to address the issues with your lack of trust, and go from there. You may very well be justified with your suspicions, or it could be a case of insecurity on your end. Either way, Where there's no trust, there's no relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 she was talking to her friend about it, her mom lives out there shes got a place to stay, she was googling uhauls a week or 2 ago.. It's just so random how this happens for the 2nd time when i think everything is okay.. we're happy not fighting.. we rarely ever fight.. we're very good together.. That's why I'm so confused about this You are not doing yourself any favors by ignoring what you know so don't be afraid of her being "super ******" just be strong and DO NOT let her turn it around on you. If she does then just tell her that she has not addressed your questions and concerns and could she please get back on topic. She sounds like she has some kind of mental issue just to up and leave once already without explanation and now planning it and you're in the dark about what it is that is making her want to bolt yet again. If she's planning this for real yet again then I know you don't feel like it now but it's best for you that she does leave and that you keep her gone. At least then you'll be free to find someone who isn't issued like this one appears to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynguist Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 Thank you, it is my insecurities, And I've been working on that for the past year.. I havent snooped her messages since last year but i felt something was funny the past few months and just had to know whats up because she would never tell me face to face.. And i ask her all the time how is our relationship going is there anything i need to work on i just want to make sure you're happy.. And shes always like no you're fine, theres nothing you need to work on.. Obviously that wasnt the truth.. We never fight we always have fun together every day, i do my best to help her out and make sure she is happy i am always there for her. This is so confusing to me.. The first time she left me was because we lived with my mom and my mom was driving her crazy she wanted her own place with no rules. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melancholy123 Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 She is lying to you if she tells you all is fine, because you know she's planning to leave. Looking at U Hauls is not the action of someone not going anywhere. I think you'd be better off without her, she doesnt sound all that stable to me, and she's quite liar and sneak for not telling you her plans. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 She most likely checked out of this relationship long ago. In her mind, nothing you can, or will do, makes any difference to her, so, everything is "fine". She doesn't want you to change anything because it won't make any difference to her. Snooping can kill love, remember that.You most likely lost her when she first found out about the snooping. I was secretive when I was younger and about to leave a guy because I was stalked and threatened by one man when I had been upfront to about my imminent departure from the relationship. As I matured, I realized not all men were going to react that way. Perhaps your lady is a little scared to tell you, she may associate snooping with negative reactions. Her defensiveness points to a need to appear strong, even if it is evasive. In a nutshell, this ship has sailed and I doubt there is much you can do about it. Confronting her will do little other than upset her and you won't get the answers you want, anyway. Just plan your life accordingly and don't be blindsided by this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynguist Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 She is lying to you if she tells you all is fine, because you know she's planning to leave. Looking at U Hauls is not the action of someone not going anywhere. I think you'd be better off without her, she doesnt sound all that stable to me, and she's quite liar and sneak for not telling you her plans. You're right, We've done so much together, this hurts bad because she was perfect for me and my lifestyle. But i also forgot to mention, the first time she left me was about my mom but also she was confused about her sexuality.. I know she is bi-sexual but she doesnt know if shes a full lesbian yet as shes never had sex with a female before. So i think that is also part of the motive to move out accross country and leave me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynguist Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 this doesnt hurt nearly as much as the first time she pulled this, shes not going to get that great of a reaction out of me this time.. I'm fed up with her sneakiness and secrets. If she wants to leave then leave. It would be her loss and not mine because i treat her like a queen and put her before everything. I do everything in my possible ability to be a great loving boyfriend. She does not deserve me at this point and i will find somebody that does. If thats the case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynguist Posted August 22, 2015 Author Share Posted August 22, 2015 just an update, but she finally opened up to me about this situation, i always knew she was confused about her sexuality. This has been a major thorn in our relationship to her. But she has realized she is fully gay. And she said it was never my fault. We're still gonna remain best friends and i support her all the way in all the choices she makes. Theres nothing i can do. Thank you all for the support.. It really meant a lot to me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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