My ex and I broke up but I want him back?

[violetkitty4]

My ex and I were together for eight months, and had a really good relationship. However we haven't gotten to see each other a lot this summer, but we thought we would be fine once school starts again and we can see each other all the time. Unfortunately the distance caused us to grow apart and I found he has went on a date or two with another girl after asking me to take a break. When I confronted him about this, he broke up with me. He told me that he thinks we are better as friends, but two weeks earlier he talked about marrying me. He tried to be nice about it, but when I told him I looked at his messages and found out about it, he dissapeared and I haven't heard from him since. I honestly think this was caused because of the distance between us and that once we are closer we will be fine. We were so good together. I don't want to throw away a good relationship for a hard summer. I don't know if he is still dating this new girl, but he said he still loved me and cared about me when he was, so I doubt it will work out long term. I haven't attempted to contact him and he hasn't tried to contact me in five days. I really want to call him and see how he is feeling but I don't want to look pathetic or needy. How should I get him back? Is there a chance?

[Man with Dog]

Yes, there is a chance but if you have another period where you don't see much of each other he'll go on other dates. Like most people, he probably can't be too long without someone. As for "breaks" you should read my posts about them! I do not think they're a great idea, unless you wish to keep a current partner on the back burner while checking out a new one. I'm 99.9% sure that this break was carefully engineered for this purpose.

 

Don't contact him. If he comes back he'll be toxic and start having breaks. Hard though it is (and I've got the T-shirt), you have to let go and move on.

[melancholy123]

How old are you two? You talk about being in school as well as talk about marriage. My guess is you are both pretty young. You can't make someone come back to you if they dont want to, so why not look for another guy who's available?

[ThatwasThen]

Don't make the mistake of taking him back once you're both at school again. This guy is a user (wanted a break so he could date others) and it looks very much like you're the "girl-of-the-moment" while he's at school and you're the inconvenient-girl when on school break and he has other options at home.

 

You can do better but don't get too involved while you're in school. You have other things to be concerned about and should be your top priority right now.

[catfeeder]

He demo'd by calling a break that he's not invested in a committed relationship, and by showing him that you cyber stalked him, you demo'd that you're far more invested in him than he wants you to be--so he broke all ties. It would be foolish to contact him again after that. It will only annoy him and confirm for him that he made the right choice for himself by cutting you loose.

 

He also demo'd by the marriage talk that he's not above manipulating you with future sharing to create a sense of intimacy that will get him what he wants for the moment--but his actions were his real truth.

 

When you're back in school he may reach out to you again because you're convenient again. I'd use this time to get clear about whether that's really good enough for you, because you've learned that you cannot trust what he 'says' at any given time. You can try to manipulate 'around' that, but the one who would be manipulated by that fantasy is you.

 

I'd focus on a goal of surprising everyone, including myself, with my resiliency and ability to bounce back from this, and I'd move my focus forward onto finding someone who I could actually trust. This guy is not him.