Will I ever get over my first love

[bcason]

I started dating my first love when I was 13. We dated through middle school and high school and always had a very deep connection. I ended things with him when he turned to drugs and wouldn't get help. We have since both moved on and dated other people. He is now married with children and clean, sober, and successful. I am in a happy long term relationship for the past 5 years and doing great as well. We still talk every now and then, nothing crossing lines, just catching up.

I feel like I am over him to the extent that I don't want us to both end our current relationships for each other, I'm happy where I am. But I still think about him often. I dream about him. I miss him. I know I'll always love him but will I always have this "what if" feeling? Will I ever not think about him? It's been almost 8 years now!

We did (kinda) try a relationship again years later when he and his wife were separated but it just wasn't good timing and we decided to just be friends, thankfully so because he and his wife worked things out and went on to have a baby. I feel bad sometimes that I still think about him as often as I do and wonder if it's normal.

Any advice and opinions would be great.

[melancholy123]

You'll never forget him as he's part of your memories, and he's in your brain. You can learn to look back fondly at the good times you had, and not feel sad or bad that you didn't stay together. There's a guy in my past who I think I'll always have a soft spot for but we were never meant to be together. I've thought about what it would have been like to be with him forever, but it's not going to happen and that's ok. Just remember the good times, but dont dwell on what might have been. Stick with your present reality!

[relevart]

You might need to cut off all contact with him to truly move on. I'm not sure how fair it is for either of yours Sos to keep "in touch." It certainly doesn't seem healthy for you.

 

Also don't understand how 13 year olds date, but that's neither here nor there.

[Hollyj]

Does your partner know about the communication? I think this is really disrespectful to your relationship, as you still have feelings for the guy.

 

Cut contact.

[bcason]

Yes my boyfriend knows that we are still in contact. And this contact is not frequent at all, like maybe once a year. I can't cut complete contact because my family still has relationships with him. My father has pictures of his son in his home. His wife and I met up recently to talk (we used to be friends before they got together). It's a complicated situation. And I'm not sure that I still have "feelings" for him in that sense, that's what I'm trying to figure out. I'm confused if it's just that I'll always care about his well being or if it's more than that.