cherisenickens Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 My fiance and I have been engaged for a month but have overall been together for 6 months. We have a beautiful family. I have a 15 month old son and together we have a 3 month old son. I love our family life, we do everything together, he's very family oriented and he does any and everything for us. I cannot complain about a thing because he brings in the money while I'm a stay at home mom and he got me out of a pretty unbearable living situation and turned things around completely for me. One thing I do have a problem with is my constant jealousy over everything! I don't understand it. When we go out to places(restaurants, movies, grocery stores, etc) I am always on my toes and checking to see if he notices all the pretty girls that always come accross our path and sometimes even rudely asking him what he's looking at if I see him looking in her direction. He gets mad and says that I need to stop accusing him or that he wasn't even checking her out. He says that he looks at everyone and finds their flaws or something to make fun of. I told him that I don't understand why he has to look at people and judge the way they look. To me that just seems like an excuse to get to look at hot women to make me think he's not checking them out. Another thing is that I recently caught porn on his phone history when I went through it I e night when he was asleep. I left it open on his screen to make sure he knew I seen it all and whe. He woke up to use the bathroom he looked at his phone and said hey babe somehow porn came up on my phone. I just rolled my eyes and said oh really. we ended up arguing about it for an hour before going to bed. I told him I forgave him and accepted his apology just to please him and end the argument but deep down it still makes me upset and I am always thinking that when he's alone if I'm out that he's watching it. Or even if he takes a shower and brings his phone to the bathroom with him. I also get jealous of there's hot girls on tv and movies and especially of they're naked or in bikinis. I don't say anything to him but I secretly watch him to see how he acts or automatically say to myself that I know he's enjoying it. And I even wish that I had their bodies or that I was that pretty and that I was the only one he seen at all. I am constantly obsessing over my weight which is 191 lbs but I can't find the motivation to work out or eat right because I feel like illstill feel the way I do and there will always be prettier girls than me that he will always look at no matter how I look or dress. To make matters he is going to the strip club tomorrow night with his dad and brothers for his younger brother's birthday and even though I told him I was ok with it andto go and have a good time and even though he said he really didn't want to go I still feel down about it and know that he will like looking at all the naked or half naked women.plus I hate the fact that out money for bills and things for the kids is gonna be given to a bunch of strippers to help pay their bills and feed their kids. The only thing they have to do is take off their clothes and shake their bottoms in everyone's husband or boyfriends faces. With enough being said, please help me or give me some good advice because even though some things I keep to myself, on the inside I'm suffering bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knot2loud Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 Jealousy is a relationship killer. I'll tell you what's going to happen with your fiancé... Eventually he's going to resent you. Then he will lose his respect for you. Then he will not like you. Then if he decides to find someone else - he will and then he will leave you. Now, if he is NOT being true to you right now - he won't really care if you get jealous or not - why should he care when he's getting it on the side. But, if he IS being true to you right now - his getting upset, angry, whatever... over false accusations is what it is... false accusations. Okay, so he looks at other women. He's a man. Just because he looks doesn't mean he wants to jump their bones. I've been married forever and I still appreciate a good looking woman - It's called "eye candy." Holy B-Jesus... Let the man look. Make a joke about it. Give him a break and break the ice. You get upset over a television show? That's ridiculous! It's TV! I watch Naked and Afraid - Love the show! Okay, strip clubs... That's not the right thing to do. I'm old fashioned there. I don't think men should hang out in strip clubs. That's just a temptation guys don't need. Porns not good either. You and you man need to come to an understanding and agreement. And you need to get over this jealousy crap. Go on a diet too. See a dietician. A doctor will work, but they're Doctors, not dieticians. A doctor didn't do crap for me when I went on a diet. I saw a dietician, did what she told me to do and I lost 55 pounds. Took 18 months to do it, but it worked. Beside, unless you're 15 feet tall, 191 lbs is to much for you. You're a heart attack waiting to happen. I wish you the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clinton Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 Get professional help. You've been together for 6 months and have a three month old? So he got you pregnant and then you got together later? Color me confused Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greta96 Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 The only advice you can be given is to talk about your issues with your doctor, so he can recommend a professional for you. This is not just simple jealousy, you have a serious issue that cannot be dealt with by fellows on the internet. The only thing I can tell you is that he must be feeling like he is in prison, or maybe worse, and this is not the way to have a relationship, never mind a healthy one. If you go on like this, you will lose him, and it will be only because of you, and not because of other women. You are the only one killing your relationship. And another thing....it is a myth that men cheat/dump their significant others for pretty/hot women. It is not the hot women you have to worry about, or should I say not *only* the hot women. Every single time I was dumped for someone else or cheated on, it was with women much less attractive than me - and keep in mind, I'm just an average looking person. I used to be jealous too (not to the degree you are, but still). I remember being uneasy every time a girl I perceived as good looking was around my partners. And yet, I would have never, in a million years, been worried about the women I actually ended up dumped for. I had never, ever seen them as a threat, as competition. And yet, they were. I know this is not all that reassuring, but this is what you're looking at, it's the facts. And although tempting, you can't lock him in a room without windows and TV/computer access, and you cannot put blinders on him when out and about. The only way to keep your man is by showing him that he has a good thing going with you. Making him feel like he is in jail is definitely not going to accomplish that. On the contrary, he will soon need an escape, and he will find it in someone else eventually. You have to make him look forward to coming home, not dread it. Your jealousy is a compulsion, at this point even if you did understand what I just wrote and agreed, I doubt you can keep it in check on your own. Hence, the professional help suggested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 Get professional help. You've been together for 6 months and have a three month old? So he got you pregnant and then you got together later? Color me confused Yes. It doesn't make sense! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 Good grief! Get some counseling. I couldn't deal with all of that! If you aren't happy with your appearance then make some changes. Change your diet and get up and move. That's your responsibility. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melancholy123 Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 I have a weight problem too, not as much as you do, but I can relate to you. I think a good part of your problem is you lack confidence in yourself because you are heavy. So likely you eat too much and eat the wrong things. So of course these thin hot looking women seem threatening to you. My husband notices good looking women, most red blooded men do, and it doesnt bother me because it's me he loves, me he comes home to, me he married, me he shares our bed with. I'm not the least bit worried about him. If you get all bent out of shape with your bf looking at girls then you are going to chase him away after X number of arguments about it. For your own self esteem try to lose some weight, get help with it if you need it. Eat better, take the kids for a walk. Develop some pride in yourself and maybe you'll feel better and be nicer to come home to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helpexpressme Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 Serious issues that need working on here. You really do need to talk to someone about this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 You've been together for 6 months and have a three month old? So he got you pregnant and then you got together later? Color me confused So you had a three month pregnancy? How is that possible? Sorry, I'm having trouble getting past this medical miracle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hilarious Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 well at least you admit it, that is the positive thing. Maybe you have a chance. I broke up with my ex for the same reasons. She make drama everywhere there was an attractive person nearby. Sometimes I did not even know who she was talking about. I cannot help up. I could not help my ex. This has to come from you but one thing I promise: he will leave you, or he will resent you and then your feelings will some true. Start by not saying one single word. When those feelings come, promise yourself you will keep your mouth shut and see the feelings go away after few minutes. Like this you might keep the relationship but you have to work on yourself and be happy and not let even this feelings start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hilarious Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 By the way... I have read it again. You did exactly what my ex did. False acusations and sabotaging time spent together. Soon enough he will hate spending time with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ricky15100 Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 Let me tell you, you could have been my ex, and yes that's why she's my ex Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knot2loud Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 The only way to keep your man is by showing him that he has a good thing going with you. Making him feel like he is in jail is definitely not going to accomplish that. On the contrary, he will soon need an escape, and he will find it in someone else eventually. You have to make him look forward to coming home, not dread it. I agree 100% Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherisenickens Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 Ok lol i see where you're confused and I apologize. What I mean is that we had gotten together for three months before and of course I got pregnant, then I left him up until the time I had our son which he came to see his birth. We then got back together and had been together for another three months after our son was born. So I guess technically speaking we haven't really been together for 6 months bc of the breakup. Idk why I even count the time before lol. Sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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