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Break up story after 5 yrs. Need Help


Robbyknapp123

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So my ex dumped me a month ago and just wanted to take a break. I had never heard of the NC rule so I kept texting her like an idiot. After awhile she wanted to just be friends and that maybe we'd get back together, but I think it was just too hard on me..shed show affection and I'd take it the wrong way(jump the gun). We hung out a couple of times though and each time it seemed like she wanted to talk to me and wanted my opinions. Before my break up she was being super friendly with my best friend. We had drank a couple hours before but I was sober to drive my gf home later on that night. She didnt really like going home bc she was used to univ. life so she asked to stay over a bit longer, and like always I said sure..just go home at some point. My friend told me that he wasnt feeling buzzed so hed take her home. I trusted my friend to do that but instead he drank more and didnt take her home. I offered to take her home but she said she invited another friend(girl) and that she couldnt go home now. The next morning I went over to pick her up and she was wearing a see through shirt with no bra. I was outraged and pissed and I asked for her phone for proof that she wasnt talking to him like that. She didnt show it to me, so any proof was thrown out the window so it made everything hard to believe. She said that she had a sweater on over it and that she got too hot and didnt think about it when it happened. I didnt find out that her friend was in the bed until the next day. I confirmed it with the friend and she said that nothing happened, but this is my gfs friend since elem so you never know. So the break goes on and she constantly went over to his house to "smoke". After awhile she apparently had him over at her house. And I mean itd be almost everyday behind my back that theyd hang. Instead of telling me, my friend would make up an excuse to hang with someone else. I know that these two individuals are there own selves and they can do whatever they want but it honestly pissed me off that with everything that had happened that my friend would do this to me. It put thoughts in my head that id never think while in a relationship. She had asked me to hang out one day, then she just never texted me back. I had seen a friend and she told me that she was over at my best friends house..I told her that I was upset with her for not at least telling me that she had other plans and that I had been waiting when I could have made other plans on my day off. She then said that she had no desire to get back with me after I asked and she said that she wanted time to find herself and be single for awhile. After that we hung out one more time, idk why..it was her plan. I am not the type of person who shies away from criticism and I'd rather hear it so I can improve myself. She said that she just felt smothered by me and that I need to become a more chill person and not think of the future the way I do. Not worry about anything or anyone else. I told her that I felt the same way bc I honestly have felt that way recently..Like all I did was push her away for that month and I know we'd be together if it wasn't for that. I felt that NC wouldnt work bc the only thing it would do is make you miss the person more. Of course when you get back together you would be more interesting and attractive; you havnt seen each other or talked in forever, a lot happens in a month..and yes you would possibly go back into the relationship and re-enter the bliss faze, but afterwards all of the problems would resurface eventually because you didnt talk anything out. We are going back to college within a week and I've been working on myself in many ways, working on how I think and I can honestly say that I have excepted this situation. I feel that I have pointed out all of my own personal problems to myself in the relationship and I feel that I have improved in those areas. For example..I've worked on trust even though it was there..just felt like I could tidy that up a bit though. I worked on handling situations in a positive way/respectable way/calmly/more open to seeing the other persons side of view and understanding, which has helped me come to a solution with forgiveness faster. I also felt that I needed to be more generous as a person and expect nothing in return, I felt that I was always too worried about money when it didn't actually affect my cash flow. I would take her out to eat and all the fancy stuff but I feel that I could have made her feel more special during the relationship in so many ways. Don't get me wrong..I always complemented her and said I love you but I didnt really make it as special as I feel it could have been, I didn't get that woman didnt just want to be taken out to the movies or a restaurant, but that sometimes you just need to be in the moment and do things randomly for them, or take them out for no reason at all and treat them like queens. Our relationship started freshman year and it was great throughout our high school years. She was the first girl I dated in my current hometown and we just kinda took off. We had a lot in common and what she wants to do for work in life is awesome. She loves pets and she recently got a job at pet supply so she wants to become a vet. I support it 100% because I know that she'll love her job and find that it doesnt seem like a job at all and I feel that way bc thats how she feels now at her current job, hell she didnt know if she wanted to go back to college bc she wanted to move up in her job and try to run a store near the University; but it was an uncertain plan. I feel that during college we hung out too much, like almost everyday and I feel that it took away the sexual friction, conversation, excitement and just everything in our relationship. We hung out with plenty of friends but nothing was explored on our own and we didnt have our own experiences. I feel that in high school everything went well bc we only hung out like 4 days a week and we had more to talk about, had more to get lost in..idk if that makes sense. I'm happy with life, I'm super excited to go to one of the top party schools for my second year and work hard for my goal of straight A's. I feel blessed with the opportunities that I have to meet so many new people and experience so many new experiences. I feel that with any of my next meaningful relationships that I could treat them the way they need to be treated and I guess I've learned not to be sloppy with the relationship the last year. It was my first year of University last year so I feel that school really stressed me out while I was finding out what worked for me when studying. I just miss everything about her..and I feel that I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for her. She taught me so much through this relationship, I just feel that maybe I'm just missing her bc I'm lonely at the moment and we had such a long/early past. I'm a great looking guy, I think so and others have told me so..I'm confident with the path that I'm about to take in life and I know that I could win another woman over and I dont mean "win" as in win a prize for all you girls reading this..I just know that I have the tools on my belt and enough confidence to do so..but in the end..all Ill be hoping is that she'll come back to me..even tho she has no desire at the moment. Can this desire change after long NC? I am trying to be the person that I want to be in life and yeah..thats my story I guess

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I only read the first 10 sentences or so because you need to format you post in paragraph format.

 

But from what i gathered in the first 10 lines, she's playing you. She is hanging with another dude, and your relationship sounds done. Think about it... even if you win her back... sounds like this will happen again, maybe in a year.. maybe 2... maybe another 5. but my guy tells me that this will happen again.

 

Save your self heartache and move on.

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From what I can gather, you were already broken up when she started hanging out with this other guy. So how is this your problem, other than feelings of attachment? I can relate, trust me; it's just that you need to move on. This WILL happen again if you get back together.

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