Ellexx Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 I'll try to make this as short as possible. I'm 23 and he's 26, we've been together 6 years and last night he told me he has feelings for someone else. He said he still loves me and the thought of never hearing from me or seeing me again scares him but that he feels in his heart that he's no good for me because he's hurt me so many time before to the point he thinks its okay. He cried...in the 6 years we've been together I've never seem him cry so I feel like he really does still love me. He said he's not ready to let me go but that it's the right thing to do. He met some girl a week and a half ago and somehow already feels that he should try being in a relationship with her which I don't get, why be with someone when you're not over someone else? He's done this to me once before, 4 years ago but he dumped her and told me he made a mistake and he promised he'd never do it again but here i am. We spent one last night together, we talked, we cried, we danced and made love and he held me so close to him all night, then i left the next day and that was it. Now as for me, i know he's right, we don't belong together and the best thing for us to do is to part. I love him with every fiber of my being and I do still want him but I know deep down that it has to be over. I'm so heart broken. He was my first love and my only love and now I'm just lost. We made plans, we named our kids and we lived together for a year and now thats all just gone...i told him that the only way i can heal is to cut myself out of his life and he agreed but now i feel like he's not getting it. He keeps messaging me funny pictures or videos and then invited me to tey out this app that would give is 5 bucks if i signed up and used it. I did it for him but I didnt say much, after that i just felt angry and annoyed that he thinks its okay to casually talk to me after telling him i need to heal. He says he wants to see me before he goes on vacation on the last week of august and idk if i want to see him. After i helped him with getting 5 bucks through the app i deleted the messaging app that we used to communicate, he hasnt texted me yet but he will once he notices my messages arent going through on the app. Now idk what to do. I cant ignore him and give him the cold shoulder cause i dont want him to think i dont care about him so im just waiting for him to ask me about the messages im not responding to to tell him that it hurts too much to see his name pop up on my phone every day when im trying to heal and move on. He agreed to not contact me so why is he doing it anyways? He also begged me not to delete him on instagram and that he promised he wasnt going to post nything having to do with this girl and that he hates the though of not being able to see me through instagram. Idk what his deal is but i cant be in his life while hes persuing another relationship with someone else. How can i get this through his head without making him think that i hate him and want nothing to do with him when its the exact opposite, he's all i want and i love him so much but I have to disappear from him in order to accept the breakup. Any advice would be much appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Welcome to ENA. My hunch is if he's done this before (broken up with you for someone else) for whatever reason, his heart isn't really in it. Not to say he doesn't love you or care about you, but it doesn't sound like you are "the one" for him. Or maybe he's too young and immature to really settle down and actually have those babies you've already named. It's his decision to break up which means he has to deal with the consequences. You shouldn't stay in his life while he 'eases' away from you. You are not his backup plan or his shoulder to cry on. He wants to break up, ok, but these are the rules. You need to do what you need to do to move on. You are young, you have so much life ahead of you, I think when the time is right, you'll meet tons more men. Stay strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Msmarie0917 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 GIRLLLLL RUN FOR THE HILLS AND DONT LOOK BACK!!!!!! My ex just recently dumped me to be with someone else..there's more to the story which I'm not gonna get into because this isn't about me. But what I WILL tell you is that if he's done this before hel do it again! He doesn't deserve you or your time! Don't keep giving him chances and keeping him in your live you'll keep finding yourself in the same cycle! If another female can catch his attention that easily she can keep his ass! Your better than that! As much as it hurts block him out ur life FOREVER and don't look back! If he REALLY LOVED YOU then another female wouldn't be able to catch his attention so easily especially WITHIN A WEEK! That's not love that's a man bein a man. Been there...done that...and STILL GOIN THROUGH IT! But iv finally made the pimp decision to leave him in the past and the karma he gets is the chick he ended up with! Enjoy life and be happy! Move one to the next chapter in your life God has something better planned for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellexx Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Yeah I agree 100% He's not the one for me either and to be honest I need to work on myself. You know that quote from "Perks of being a walflower"? We accept the love we think we deserve" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellexx Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Yeah I agree 100% He's not the one for me either and to be honest I need to work on myself. You know that quote from "Perks of being a walflower"? "We accept the love we think we deserve"? I have very low self esteem and i guess i always forgave him because Maybe deep down i thought i deserved to be hurt. I'm not scared of being single, im scared of not being able to get over him, he knew me inside out and i know him better than he knows himself, he even agreed that was true. Six years is a long time and not something i can easily forget. I just want to be happy and love myself so that the next person i let into my life deserves me. Im scared of the future and trying to adjust to this new world of mine that doesnt have him in it. I didnt just lose the love of my life but i lost my best friend and its already hard for me to accept the break up but now i have to deal with the thought of him building a life with someone else. My ego is hurt because nobody wants to be replaced. Idk how im even going to begin to tell him to leave me be when its not really what i want but its what i need. I just want some reassurance that the pain does eventually go away... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Msmarie0917 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 We're both in the same position. Our situations are a little different because my ex was a lying cheating coward sack of crap. BUT the pain and hurt is defiantly the same. You'll be JUST fine trust me! I'm still in recovery as well! I just found I was cheated on two days ago and we broke up a month ago. Him and the other girl are now in a relationship. But guess what she cheated on her boyfriend with MY boyfriend while my boyfriend cheated on me with her! Which means what? They're both just two cheaters that ended up together and one will soon cheat on the other! See what I mean by you reap what you sew? You will be just fine! Just keep telling yourself that! It's working for me so far! I promise it will get better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellexx Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 I just called him to tell him to please not contact me anymore because im not going to just ignore someone without an explanation, despite his flaws, he doesnt deserve that because I know he really does love me and I wouldn't want him doing that to me. So Yeah i called him to tell him. i was speechless because as soon as i said hello he goes in a cheerful tone " hi babe! Whatcha doin?" And i got really confused. I asked him how he was and he went on about how his day was and what he did like as if we didnt just have an emotional goodbye yesterday. I couldn't even get a chance to tell him cause then i felt like an ass then he said hes call me back because he's at work and he's gonna have a chat with his co worker and before i could protest he hung up. Im literally like lost. Now i feel guilty for telling him to leave me alone after answering the phone that way. Ughhhh! I can never win. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Msmarie0917 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Guilty for what????? Is this something you want to continue going through? All it takes is a quick text message then a block of a number. He's no good for you PLEASE TRUST ME WHEN I TELL YOU IV BEEN THERE! The heartbreak and going back and forth ISNT WORTH IT! I know it's very hard but unless you wanna keep dealing with this you needa let him go and move on for good. As a matter of fact he doesn't even deserve to know that you want nothing to do with him...just cut him off cold turkey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No1 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 This guy was using you to ease his mind and ease into a transition. All he is doing is easing his guilt for basically cheating on you. He met this girl while you two were dating and he feels guilty, so he figures if you are okay, then he has the go ahead to move on. He has done this before with you and he is going to do this again. Also what he is doing is kind of setting you up as a backup.. as the option, the second fiddle, the other girl, the "well, I can always go back to her" He is being pretty dang selfish if you ask me. Just think, he has a girl, and then he can still have sex with his X and text you just hours after breaking up with you.. Thats a sweet deal for him. So no, dont feel guilty, remember he is the one that left you, so be angry with him if you want for using you. And I know your esteem is in the toilet, this is a by product of a break up. But that doesnt mean youll never find love again or you are not attractive. You are going to have people hit on you in no time all you have to do is smile. Right now, its about you, do what makes you happy and dont worry about your Xs feelings.. Thats for his new girl to worry about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SouthWestTrain Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 You sound like a wonderful, forgiving person. One who doesn't want to be bitter. One who doesn't want to be unreasonable. And I absolutely respect you for that. i understand that you want to speak to the man. You don't just want to block him and ignore his phone calls. You were (are) in LOVE with him. I would say that you need to stick to your GUT instinct on everything with this guy. Don't doubt yourself or listen to him waffling away about his day. You're not interested. You're interested in the fact he dumped you and he's with someone else. You're interested in the fact that your relationship as a couple is over and you now need to get over that in order to move on. You need time to heal and he needs to respect that. If he does Love you - be it as a respected ex girlfriend or as a friend - he will understand that. He already has his new life and he needs to focus on that else it isn't going to work for him either! The fear is that by not communicating anymore that you will no longer be a part of each other's lives and after a big relationship that's a scary thought. But it is the reality. There's nothing to say that in 6 months-a year communications can't strike up again. If it helps there's very few things in life that are irreversible. But chances are by then you won't want to and you'll have moved on. When you put your mind to it you'll be surprised at how much you begin to enjoy being independent. Being single. Friendships will grow stronger. You'll get a keener strength of who you are and what you want from life. So focus on you now. And don't worry about his needs or thoughts - I agree with No1 - he's got his new girl for that. And you can have something so much better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellexx Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Yes you guys are absolutely right, thank you for all the advice. He called me back and i told him and he said he was sorry that he will give me my space. Of course its only natural that I feel some hope that he'll come back but i hope with time that goes away. We've never not talked for more than a few days, even when he left me the first time we still spoke and saw each other, pretty much cheated on his gf with me and i was younger at the time so i made stupid decisions. We live and we learn and we grow. But now i really have to stand my ground and try to move on and show him that this time im serious about moving on. I just hate that NC will make him move on quicker I suspect and that ill still be here trying to pick up the pieces, and i know rebound relationships don't work a lot of the times and I wouldn't want to be in one but i sure did wish i had a distraction the way he does but i guess i just have to deal with it alone for now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Then just send him a text (or an email). Say that while it was nice catching up, your intention with the phone call was to break off communication and that you guys should just cut off all communication and focus on your own lives now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellexx Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 Haven't spoken to him since yesterday morning and boy this is not easy but im sticking to my guns. It's hard not talking to him. I just keep picturing him with the other girl and how much he must be falling for her as each day passes that we are not talking and it makes me feel physically sick but im trying really hard to block my thoughts. I feel anger and resentment right now. I want to yell at him and tell him i hate him. A vengeful part of me wishes that he will regret letting me go. I was a great girlfriend...like the best. I was always loyal and faithful,supportive,loving and understanding and i gave him pretty much everything and within less than a week talking to someone he met on plenty of fish and only seen twice and all of a sudden he wants to let me go to persue her after 6 years??!! Not to mention he's already lied to her saying he wasn't going to sleep with anyone else while talking to her yet he slept with me shortly after. His plenty of fish profile (yes I looked it up) it's nothing but lies and he put not single/not looking , dating but nothing serious. This girl must be stupid to want a guy who clearly puts that he's pretty much looking to hook up, but whatever thats now her problem. Im so disgusted with him. This new relationship is already based on lies. I seriously am starting not to want anything to do with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
can1328 Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 I feel your pain. Almost exact situation. 6 year relationship and was left for someone else TWICE. I made the mistake of taking her back because I thought I could trust her. They don't change. You were taken advantage of just like me. I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm about 6 weeks into the breakup. I've gone NC but still do have some loose ends that will need to be dealt with. The NC is the only way. Block him and stay away. Take it from me, people who act like this do not deserve a loyal and supportive partner. I would've never done what my ex did to me. I had opportunities arise throughout my relationship but always turned down any attention because I was happy and content. I imagine you were the same way. As hard as it is because of the amount of time you were together, cut him out of your life. It would've only gotten worse as time went on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
relevart Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 he told me he has feelings for someone else. He said he still loves me and the thought of never hearing from me or seeing me again scares him but that he feels in his heart that he's no good for me because he's hurt me so many time before Understand these words for what they are -- a coward who won't go ahead and break up with you which is the best thing for you and him. He's cushioning the fall either to not hurt you as bad, or to not feel like the bad guy or maybe just to keep you hanging on in case New Girl doesn't work out. It's very common and very selfish. If someone wants to break up with someone, they should have the gumption to go ahead and do it without the olive branch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mg22 Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 He's done it before and knows if things wont work with this girl you are a for sure BACK UP PLAN. Don't give him the pleasure to pop into your life , find someone who doesn't have doubts about being 100% sure your the one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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