Seraphim Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 My son is going to college in September. And a month after that he turns 18. My son is autistic and has younger interests , Pokémon ,Yu-Gi-Oh! and Vanguard. This draws groups of younger children to him because he's more socially on their level. ( grades 6 or so and a little older) We recently had a talk that these friends are too young and it's time now to leave them behind. He has agreed and says he completely knows and understands that. He has even said go away and closed the door. ( his autism leads him to be extremely direct and blunt) They understand this about him and just think it's him being him, not him telling them he is too old for them to come to the house anymore. How do I tell them he is too grown up now for these friendships? I have turned them away 3 times this week and I feel bad but they need to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tallydoo Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Is there a way that, rather than just abruptly ending those friendships, he can just kind of transition into new friend groups? If he likes Pokemon and Yugioh, see if he'd want to go to a Magic the Gathering night at a board game store near you--that seems to be the next step up in that genre. I have friends who play that started when they were 18, and they're between 24 and 30 now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 Is there a way that, rather than just abruptly ending those friendships, he can just kind of transition into new friend groups? If he likes Pokemon and Yugioh, see if he'd want to go to a Magic the Gathering night at a board game store near you--that seems to be the next step up in that genre. I have friends who play that started when they were 18, and they're between 24 and 30 now. He has been doing that for 3 years already. But he hates Magic with a passion. But he already belongs to groups at bookstores and has been for a few years now. He even talks of his own clubs he wants to make at college. These kids are seeking him out not him seeking them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 is your son going to be going away to college or will he be living at home? maybe just best to taper things down rather than a hard stop. I dunno, I'm not a psychologist. If he enjoys them, maybe it would be ok for them to play once a week or two weeks? I'm sure when college starts, he will have less time for games. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucia Amman Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Why is he too old for them? I don't understand why you need to send them away. They will eventually outgrown these interests too and leave your son alone anyways? Are you concerned what their parents may think? I would suggest to talk to their parents about this issue than. And how they view these friendship's with your son. If they have a problem with him being 18 or older than it's on their hands to give their boys a talk. Plus you can kindly show them the door and say you and their parents have an agreement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 is your son going to be going away to college or will he be living at home? maybe just best to taper things down rather than a hard stop. I dunno, I'm not a psychologist. If he enjoys them, maybe it would be ok for them to play once a week or two weeks? I'm sure when college starts, he will have less time for games. He will be living at home. What I worry about is their parents wondering why a college student wants to be with their grade 7/8 kids. Having his intentions misconstrued and having parents go Wackadoo is not something he needs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheetarah Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Well, do their parents know him and the family? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 Why is he too old for them? I don't understand why you need to send them away. They will eventually outgrown these interests too and leave your son alone anyways? Are you concerned what their parents may think? I would suggest to talk to their parents about this issue than. And how they view these friendship's with your son. If they have a problem with him being 18 or older than it's on their hands to give their boys a talk. Plus you can kindly show them the door and say you and their parents have an agreement. What I have found is people understand physical disabilities not developmental ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 Well, do their parents know him and the family? No and they don't know us. He never goes to their houses ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 He will be living at home. What I worry about is their parents wondering why a college student wants to be with their grade 7/8 kids. Having his intentions misconstrued and having parents go Wackadoo is not something he needs. I see what you are saying, "why is this grown man spending time with little kids??" I guess it is better if he does continue playing pokemon, etc... to do so in public places and not at home alone. but yeah, I can see that concern. I hope he can find some friends his age that he can enjoy hobbies with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheetarah Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Do they come to your house and then go to a bookstore or something? Or are the games at your house? If they just come there to meet him, I would maybe have him tell the boys to congregate at the bookstore for their gaming sessions instead of dropping by. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucia Amman Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 What I have found is people understand physical disabilities not developmental ones. I would still try to talk. If they have an issue with it than you can kindly send away their children. Whatever. Poor them and their judgement. But who knows and they understand it and are ok with it. That would be a great benefit. When these kids wonder off and find different interests and no longer are interested in your son than you can say it again to your son that they where too young. I've a close friends who's son has an autistic brain and I would be ok if my kids would find a friend who is older and is autistic. He is living at home. Nothing can really happen, can there not? As I read it you are at home too when they visit your son. That must be some sort of security for their parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H8Reality217 Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Autistic? I wonder how his dating life is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 Do they come to your house and then go to a bookstore or something? Or are the games at your house? If they just come there to meet him, I would maybe have him tell the boys to congregate at the bookstore for their gaming sessions instead of dropping by. They come to our house to do trades for cards and e-trades for characters they want. They know my son from the school bus. Unfortunately , one has stolen pokemon games from him before. They think he is lucky to be an only child and have " everything " and not have to share. I know the one sees him as as easy mark because he is naive and not calculating or manipulative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 I would still try to talk. If they have an issue with it than you can kindly send away their children. Whatever. Poor them and their judgement. But who knows and they understand it and are ok with it. That would be a great benefit. When these kids wonder off and find different interests and no longer are interested in your son than you can say it again to your son that they where too young. I've a close friends who's son has an autistic brain and I would be ok if my kids would find a friend who is older and is autistic. He is living at home. Nothing can really happen, can there not? As I read it you are at home too when they visit your son. That must be some sort of security for their parents. Yes, I don't allow anyone in my house when I am not home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 I see what you are saying, "why is this grown man spending time with little kids??" I guess it is better if he does continue playing pokemon, etc... to do so in public places and not at home alone. but yeah, I can see that concern. I hope he can find some friends his age that he can enjoy hobbies with. Yeah, that is the issue . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 Autistic? I wonder how his dating life is He doesn't care about dating at present. Truthfully , he has very little interest in people in general. He socializes only for the sake of furthering his special interest and that's it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 He plays card games with adults at the book store, not with these kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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