iknowiknow Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Ok, so...i met this man last year and we dated for a while. Then we just stopped talking then a few months later he calls me up to reconnect and we start hanging out off and on. I never took it all that seriously since how he conducted himself the summer before at first. Then we just started to call each and stay on the phone for hours, text each other and hang out. Yea, I caught feelings again. Mean while, yea we slept together too. So, last month I won a weekend getaway to NYC. I decided this was it I will invite him to go with me and possibly this weekend we could just start over. Granted he knew I could ask any of my female friends to go with me but instead I asked him. When it started to look like that he might not be able to go on the trip due to work ( which he just started so I understood). I told him no worries, I can enjoy NYC by myself. But no, he insisted...he even looked up specific flights that would work for him and then the trip sponsor agreed and thus we were off to NYC. So when I go pick him up at his place..i could tell a female was there but it really did not bother ( you know hair claw was left *who wears those things anymore anyway*). I just brushed it off and we went on the trip. We stayed in the room together and spent a full day in Central Park taking pictures and going to Museums. You can only imagine how the night went. Anyway, I degress I new something was up..i just felt it. So when we came back he started to get distant So I new what i found in his house meant he most likely seeing someone. So, I asked him if I could just come over on a Sunday watch movies or whatever like i have done many times 2 weeks after the trip ( we live an hour away from each other). HE says, Oh, sorry but I already have plans. That is when I new it was another lady he was dating and mind you he just called me the other night after I sent a text to him about needing help with a job. Then He goes, "I have been pretty occupied with someone lately, not been hanging with friends and family* and I said " well I already had a feeling you were even before we went to NYC" and he goes "yea, things have moved pretty fast lately". So i said "I guess that means you want me to leave you alone." Now, I am just irritated I took him on the trip with me. I should of known nothing would come from it and I would come out feeling like an idiot. Just my damn luck. Did I handle it well? Is he telling me this as a way to say * off*? I think it is his way of saying off.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Well, you weren't in a relationship or anything. It was just a guy you'd been dating and you decided to take him with you on that trip. Apparently, he wasn't exclusive with the other girl at the time, so, he came with you but after the trip things with the girl became serious and he decided to tell you (he could have said nothing and strung you along). You shouldn't feel like an idiot at all. You had a good time at the trip and that was that. Sure, it would be great if he had feelings for you, too, but that's a risk you take when you decide not to pay attention to stuff like another woman's things in his house...you could have asked him right there and then if he was seeing someone else, too, but you didn't. So, I don't think any of this had to do with luck. It was just the choices you made. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iknowiknow Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 It was a hair clip..and I did not say anything because he has like 5 sisters that come over. As far as I new at that point I asked him to come with me we were starting back in a relationship. So for him to spend 4 days with me then turn around a week later say ooh guess what ..iam currently seeing this person for now on just through me off. If that was the case he was seeing her before the damn trip he should of said something then. I hate stuff like that. He should not reconnected with me and start back dating with me..if he did not give 2 craps in the first place. See this is why I always had a rule of no second chances. ha.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Unfortunately you missed the fact that he was lukewarm to begin with, dated you on and off, then did a slow fade from your life only to show back up months later. That typically means they found someone else, things didn't work out, and then they come back around to you because you're the backup plan. And that's pretty much what's happened here now with him telling you he's seeing another woman and it's moving fast with her--I.e. he's jumping into a relationship with her and not you. He just waited until after the trip to tell you and I'm betting he didn't tell her at all, "Bye hon, going on a trip to NYC with another woman I date." You'd be really smart to just delete and block him and move on. And when or if he shows up again at some future date you tell him you didn't apply for the position of fallback girl and he can just go elsewhere. And yeah, he basically used you to get a free trip to New York, which was kind of crappy of him if he was seeing someone else and it was getting serious. Lesson learned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iknowiknow Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 Yes, exactly lessoned Learned. We broke up mutually the first time though ..actually I ended it the first time around but we kept in touch then that totally faded from there and I really did not care back then either. Then he called me back about some specialized work I do that he wanted to start testing in. Then yea, when I was thinking it was getting better it all went down hill from there. Oh I know he did not say anything about me on the trip or he would not have her to date right now unless she does not give 2 sh**s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 And sometimes yeah, you just take a chance and it doesn't pan out. Onward and upward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iknowiknow Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 exactly and too be clear I am more irritated but not even close to devastated. Cause I know I can find better. Next. I just really needed to vent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iknowiknow Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 Also, My last message to him was something like- that I am done ..leaving him alone even as a friend and good-bye. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 You invited him on the trip for the wrong reason. He doesn't owe you a thing, unless he said differently. This guy has never been a stable force in your life. Actually, quite the opposite, and you should have known better. You were the one that failed to act on all the red flags. This is on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 It was a hair clip..and I did not say anything because he has like 5 sisters that come over. As far as I new at that point I asked him to come with me we were starting back in a relationship. So for him to spend 4 days with me then turn around a week later say ooh guess what ..iam currently seeing this person for now on just through me off. If that was the case he was seeing her before the damn trip he should of said something then. I hate stuff like that. He should not reconnected with me and start back dating with me..if he did not give 2 craps in the first place. See this is why I always had a rule of no second chances. ha.. Sorry, but asking him on the trip did not equal starting up again without a conversation directly about that. The trip to NYC, absent any talk about getting back together was simply a FWB weekend. You didn't ask if he was single, you didn't ask if he was interested in getting back together. Assuming that...has left you feeling like an A$$. He didn't owe you any explanation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iknowiknow Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 absent of any talk about getting back together? Some of you all need to read the responses or ask questions before you respond. We did talk about it and we started up back dating heavily prior of me asking him on the trip. I did not fail to act on red flaigs. Did you also not read my earlier response I left the hair clip thing alone at the time because he has 5 sisters that come over to his house? Goodness --- some are quick to respond without actually reading the entire thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Off and on...I wasn't interest...hanging out...I caught feelings again. None of that sounds like a conversation about reconciling and being exclusive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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