Debating about moving back in with my parents

[jennylynn]

I currently have a house with my roommate, but the awkward thing is that I am dating her brother. She has been getting weirder about it lately, in part because she is ten years older than me and five years older than him, and has admitted that it makes her jealous since she knows we will be married before her. She has been dating this total douche guy who mooches off of her, for the past sixteen years, and there is no marriage or babies in sight for her and she is quickly approaching 35.

I have two jobs, one full time and one part time, and I am about to start my senior year at my university, taking 19 credits. My boyfriend has been talking about how he wants to get married in the next year to year and a half, and I have been considering ways to save money.

 

My parents recently offered to let me move back in with them, since they know that I am going to have a rough time and it would help me cut down some of my school loans before I tie the knot. My boyfriend completely supports it, since he owns a house, and once we get married, I can just move right into his place. It all seems completely perfect, on paper. I get to pay off my loans, not stress about working so much to afford rent, plus my roommate (possible future sister in law) can't really be mad if I move home to save money (as opposed to moving out with someone else, since I don't want to live with her anymore).

There is just one tiny thing... my dad drives me CRAZY. He is always in my business and nags me, and I know it will grate on my nerves. On the other hand, the price I am paying for rent right now could pay off my loans by the time I graduate. I just hate the idea of my dad being in my business, and knowing that I am over at my boyfriend's house all the time... ugh.

 

 

I could really appreciate opinions or encouragement! I know it seems like a no brainer, I don't know why I am having such a hard time with it. -_-

[j.man]

Well, it's the price you pay. Either learn to cope or get your own place. There's a reason why some of us choose to live independently despite our parents' offerings.

[Snny]

I have two jobs, one full time and one part time, and I am about to start my senior year at my university, taking 19 credits.

Wow, how do you manage that?

 

I get to pay off my loans, not stress about working so much to afford rent, plus my roommate (possible future sister in law) can't really be mad if I move home to save money.

 

There is just one tiny thing... my dad drives me CRAZY. He is always in my business and nags me, and I know it will grate on my nerves.

DON'T DO IT. Don't unless you are under serious financial issues and can't afford to live on your own.

 

If your dad is a micromanager as you described, he will treat you like a child once you move in. He will never acknowledge you as an adult based on this behavior. Guaranteed.

 

I have both parents who are the exact same way and I live with them while working and attending my final semester of graduate school. I have lived on my own, with my husband (dating prior)... I am working on moving out ASAP. My relationship with my parents has worsened over time since there has been multiple boundary issues/lack of communication/lack of respect for the past few months.

 

Yea it sucks to pay rent, but you're an adult and need your space. You don't need a helicopter dad to be overly involved your life- that is what parents do to teenagers. If you can afford the rent and find the roommates, don't go back to your parents.

 

 

Another thing you have to think about is affording the wedding. I highly recommend not accepting parents' money toward your wedding. It gives them leeway to dictate what goes on with your plans- the ceremony, venue, GUEST LIST on who to invite, etc. It does nothing but add more stress as you are planning for yours and your FH's big day. My dad crossed the line about what I wore on my wedding day, got in a major fight with me on what kind of ceremony I wanted AND what music should be played as I was walked down the aisle, and tried to control what music I had playing (I scrapped up whatever I could to pay the DJ). It was my regret of doing so because I did not have my husband's support on eloping.

[melancholy123]

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Another thing you have to think about is affording the wedding. I highly recommend not accepting parents' money toward your wedding. It gives them leeway to dictate what goes on with your plans- the ceremony, venue, GUEST LIST on who to invite, etc. It does nothing but add more stress as you are planning for yours and your FH's big day. My dad crossed the line about what I wore on my wedding day, got in a major fight with me on what kind of ceremony I wanted AND what music should be played as I was walked down the aisle, and tried to control what music I had playing (I scrapped up whatever I could to pay the DJ). It was my regret of doing so because I did not have my husband's support on eloping.

 

Totally agree with this! My husband and I paid for our wedding ourselves, no money from anyone else. This way we had the wedding we wanted and didn't have to get into p*ssing matches with anyone. My mother had her own ideas of what we should do, and in the end we did what we wanted, and it was all very lovely.

 

As for moving back home - I say dont do it since your dad drives you nuts. Why not move in with your bf since he's got a house?

[ParisPaulette]

Well, I think this is one of those issues where you need to look at the two devils you know and pick the lesser of them. Any which way you have things happening that aren't an ideal for you, but often life is like that and you have to work around/through whatever it tosses at you. Maybe list out the pros and cons of each and also look and see if there's another alternative.

[catfeeder]

Before deciding anything, why not sit for a pow-wow with Dad to determine whether negotiation is possible with him, first, and whether any agreements you form would be viable for the next year?

 

BTW--I'd do this on neutral ground, maybe treat him to a breakfast out or something.

[Snny]

Why not move in with your bf since he's got a house?

Because despite of common society practices, some people don't move in with their partners before marriages for many reasons. That maybe out of the question depending on the OPs culture.

 

OP please respond.

 

I'm seriously concerned about your college credits. 19 credits is exceedingly high to take on. I did 18 one semester and there was no way I would have been able to work a job and focus on 5-6 courses. I take full time graduate courses and have worked full time- it's rough that one semester I had to withdraw from one class and retake it. Also most universities require approval from your academic advisor to take 18 or more credits- does he/she know about your situation?

 

Your GPA is important. So here are your choices:

 

If you can't quit or limit your work hours, then you should cut one class. Try taking courses in the summer if possible. You spend more money/ loans if you have to retake courses.

 

Find other roommates and move in with them.

 

If you absolutely have to move in with your parents, you are going to be busy most of the time with work and school that you will spend less time there. Do your studies at the campus library and come home. I have done so to have alone time for myself.

[jennylynn]

I can't move in with my boyfriend, both sets of parents are very conservative and he and I want to keep the peace. Although we acknowledge that it would be way more convenient that way, neither of us want to cause unnecessary waves with future in-laws.

a given.

Yes, my advisor knows the situation I am in. I am trying to pay off my loans, plus my car just went out and I have to buy a new one this week, as well as save up for a wedding. So working is a given. But thank you for your concern, your point about how I won't be home much was very valid.