I don't want my boyfriend to come with me to my 10 year reunion

[angela1987]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. He is 16 years older than me. My 10 year high school reunion is coming up. I still live in the same town, so it's not like this will be some huge travelling event. The reunion will be taking place in a month at a local bar (renting the bar out). My boyfriend grew up a few towns away, so he doesn't know anyone that will be at the reunion. We went out to the (where I'm from) local bar before (on MY birthday) and I live in a smaller town so I saw plenty of people I know and of course I was catching up with them. I felt kind of guilty because I spent a lot of time chit chatting with aquaintences and he didn't know anyone so he just drank and watched tv. I was sitting with him the whole time though. Anyways we were only there for an hour and then he started complaining about how he's not having fun etc.. and wants to go home. I was irritated because it was my birthday and if it was the other way around I would have just shut up and let him enjoy himself...I can understand if it wasn't my birthday...but come on! Anyways, so I'm really excited about catching up with classmates I have not seen in years, and I want to enjoy myself. I don't want him to come because I know he's going to act like a cry baby again. But then if I say "I'm just going to go by myself" he's just going to think I'm "trying to get guys because I will probably drink too much". I feel like it's a lose-lose situation for me. Fyi, I am not a drunk and I am a faithful woman. I am also a mother of 3 (no mutual children), and we live together...so I am not the average 20 something year old that gets to go out all the time. He has already admitted that he is insecure and that the age difference plays a role in it. What should I do?!?!

[greta96]

This is a tough one, because while you are absolutely right about not wanting him there, you can't just ask him not to come. I think your best bet is to be very upfront and tell him that you would prefer to go alone, so you can catch up with your old mates whom he doesn't know, without having to worry about him getting bored.

His attitude is so off-putting though, enough to take any fun out of life. If I were you, I would reconsider the whole relationship, because being with a much older, insecure, jealous and controlling man is not my idea of a good life and future.

[melancholy123]

Can you arrange to go with a girlfriend and tell your bf that you and she are going together? I dont think he'd be much fun.

[RainyCoast]

I think it's a good idea to go with a girlfriend, perhaps even have her meet you at your place or pick you up before you go so it's clear you're not going to be messing around. HOWEVER i don't think the burden of proof in these situations should be on the partner who feels controlled.

 

And to me it sounds like that's what it boils down to, not him being a nagging bore at parties, but him being upset over made up scenarios if you go alone.

 

So-if he's not otherwise controlling or jealous going with a girl might keep him complacent this time. If he is--everyone and everything will be a problem until you're completely isolated spending 24/7 with his boring self on the couch and then he'll start getting uspet and have you defend yourself over dreams he had of you cheating.

 

A girlfriend to mend a temporary issue-- or, If he has a possesive streak- go alone and have him deal with it.

[j.man]

We went out to the (where I'm from) local bar before (on MY birthday) and I live in a smaller town so I saw plenty of people I know and of course I was catching up with them. I felt kind of guilty because I spent a lot of time chit chatting with aquaintences and he didn't know anyone so he just drank and watched tv.!

To be honest, and forgive me if I'm misinterpreting the conditions, but it sounds like you're not good at introducing people. It's a small town, you admit these are long-time friends. Realistically, who's this guy, 15-years older than everyone else on top of everything, to throw himself right into that dynamic? When I'm going out to meet friends and my girlfriend tags along, I make all my rounds with her next to me first. I introduce her, tell them what she does, tell her what they do, identify common interests, involve her in a short conversation, and move on to the next friend(s). After we're done, I do my best to leave her with someone I think she'll click with before I go off on my own. Even then, I might periodically look over, see if she's having trouble, and help her out. Yes, it's your birthday, but that doesn't mean you still can't be an accommodating girlfriend.

 

Now me, personally, I'll throw myself in anywhere. I go to parties full of my girlfriend's friends and the next time we see them, suddenly she's "Josh's girlfriend." But I'd never hold it to anyone to be as sociable as me, and certainly not in a close-knit small town environment.

[mhowe]

But then if I say "I'm just going to go by myself" he's just going to think I'm

 

Instead of putting words in his mouth, TELL him you are going to your HS reunion and you realize from your bday outing at the same bar that you were horrid at introducing him and that he would be bored to tears.

 

End of problem. You don't need his permission to go alone.

[BigKK]

This was kind of my feeling from the OP. Doesn't seem like he made much of an effort...but perhaps if YOU made the effort he might of been more enthusiastic. I'm like j.man where I'd go through and start meeting her friends on my own...but I don't think that most people are comfortable doing that. So if girlfriend is just socializing around the bar, then he's just going to sit there and grumble.

[jimthzz]

Oh, I hate reunions. I keep getting invited and there is no way I'd inflict one on my wife. I really don't want to discuss hell-raising stories of my youth.