Why has ex friend requested me TWICE after I unfriended him, but has not comm-ed

[girlie12]

I dated a guy for a while a couple of months ago. He treated me very respectfully and we literally clicked instantly, like 3 dates in the first week. He decided to move to another state to start a new life and job but he did not even mention trying to make it work so I did not want to mention it and sound desperate. I decided to break up with him because the thought that we could grow closer and suddenly it would be done without very little notice, it was a constant thought in my head so that is what I decided versus having a monogamous casual relationship.

 

After we broke up, I went back on tinder (which is where I met him). His friend told him and he texted me and made a comment about it. I told him I had to move on and that he didn't try hard enough to keep me. The one thing he said was that he wishes I find someone who will treat me amazing, but as we knew we had to break up, I told him I did not want to find anyone else because I was happy then. To this day, I have not been on a Tinder date since him.

 

Over the next few weeks we did random texts about our lives. he finally told me he accepted a job and when I asked if he wanted to hang out before he left to let me know but he never did. After a while I realized that I needed closure so I de friended him off of facebook and it felt like a huge weight was lifted off of my back. He initially friend requested me when we started sleeping together.

 

After not hearing from him for nearly a month, randomly I got a friend request from him. I decided to accept it but after not getting any way of communication (other than being a Facebook friend) from him, I de friended him again. I did not think it is fair for him to see my profile but not talk to me. I had nothing to hide but still it could not be all about him. After a week or two later, he friend requested me AGAIN for the second time! For a while, I kept it as pending, but then accidentally I deleted it. What is going on?

 

Inside, I would like to hear from him again, because I do miss him, but I do not want to be the weak link because he is stringing me along by not communicating with me, but somehow keeping tabs on me.

[Sportster2005]

What's going on?

 

Sorry to be blunt, sounds like way too much drama. Dump him and block him and move on. He is treating you the way you are training him to treat you.

[ParisPaulette]

He's keeping his options open in case he's ever in the area and needs someone to hang out with or other things. Or he's lonely and/or bored at the moment, so he hopes you'll make a move to talk to him and entertain him online. Or he just wants to keep tabs on you, because well not sure why that would be. Or. or. or. You could also just call him yourself and ask him, "So what's your motive in being FB friends if we aren't dating and aren't going to be dating?" You know, go the direct route instead of wondering.

 

The bottom line is he lives in another area and unless you are both committed to indefinite LDR and all the added baggage that comes with it what's the point? Maybe just send him a text and tell him to move on, because you don't do LDRs no matter how much you would have liked something local. Wish him best of luck, then delete and block him and ignore him if he tries to contact you again.

[girlie12]

What action should I do so I can get him to talk versus just friend request me?

[Hollyj]

I think you should read what Paris P wrote, again.

[Sportster2005]

What action should I do so I can get him to talk versus just friend request me?

 

There is no action we can take to change what other people do. Unless you're going to blackmail or manipulate them, people do what they want to do, not what we want them to do.

 

Really don't understand why you want to continue after his immature behavior.

[girlie12]

I did decide to block him on Facebook completely. Do you think that him friend requesting me is breaking the NC rule? Even if he has not actually contacted me....

[reinventmyself]

I think it's important that you watch his actions without soliciting anything else from him.

You can prompt him to contact you but you would never know what his true intention was.

I wouldn't allow him access to my private life as well if he didn't feel he needed to communicate with me directly or personally.

Not as a form of punishment. . just taking care of my own business.

 

And I don't see where he's adhered to any NC agreement on his part or yours. .so I can't see where it is he's broken anything.

I feel as if you are trying to move, counter move' sort of strategy and I don't see where this applies.

No foul play here. .just wrong timing.

I understand this didn't end the way you wanted it to, but it doesn't make him a bad guy. He's just not the guy for you.

If he was he wouldn't have risked losing you.

[girlie12]

Then why did he friend request me without wanting to communicate? What should I expect from him based on his current actions? At first, I thought it was a drunk mistake from him but when he did it again, I knew it was not.

[reinventmyself]

Then why did he friend request me without wanting to communicate? What should I expect from him based on his current actions? At first, I thought it was a drunk mistake from him but when he did it again, I knew it was not.

 

You keep asking the same questions.

Are you taking in any feedback offered to you here?

[Patrick974]

I thought the same. Nobody likes talking to a wall, but at least you can see it.