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Ex gets into rebound one day after breakup, gets name tattoo of new boyfriend


Flabbergasted
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Not only did she rebound on you, but also with you. Do not get in a relationship with people who have not finalized their divorce...

 

I think this is generally good advice, but not always a definite. My ex has been dating a guy for more than four months and his divorce was only finalized a month ago. I obviously don't know the inner workings of their relationship, but at least on the surface, he seems to be "over it" after the year-long divorce process. He's talked about her eventually meeting his kids, who are young, but old enough to grasp what divorce is all about and what "dad's new friend" signifies. And he's no dummy either. Well-educated; six-figure income; well-traveled. Of course, it's only been four months, but there's no indication yet that he's bailing anytime soon.

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I wouldn't even lose sleep over something like that. Yeah it sucks because how she did it but look at it this way you truly see her as how she really is. She probably had him in the background the entire time and when she becomes unhappy with him she will do the same to him. Rinse recycle repeat. You dodged a major bullet.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I ran into them last evening, and wow, she looks a mess. Very very skinny, white (it is 36 degrees Celsius here, everybody is on the beach!) I hear she is drunk every day, man o man. I waved at her, she waved back, her new boyfriend who looks like a mix between a pimp and a drugdealer said hi. I just smiled and kept going. Pfffff

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My ex drank a lot too during the transitional phase of me to the new guy. She always had a glass of wine with dinner but wasn't getting drunk every single night like she was during this time. Burying herself with a new guy so quick and drinking herself to the bottom of the bottle aren't things that seem positive to me. My ex did the very same thing. She can say whatever she wants but I don't think anybody is worth disowning your own family, friends, and people you once cared about. Not to mention what it does to a person's reputation.

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The latest.... I spoke to a gay mutual friend of ours, and he confirmed that nobody likes nor trusts the new guy, and the gay friend assured me that he is 100% sure that the new guy is a gay who is not yet out of the closet (at 50) what about that??? I think I am going to write a book..... Not that I am against gay people, my friend is... but to use a girlfriend to disguise yourself.... we will see what is next!

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  • 4 weeks later...
I ran into her new boyfriend, chatted with him, he was obviously very uncomfortable.... 20 minutes later she sends me a message insulting me like crazy... pfff... still think of her way too much, have to get her out of my system

 

She's probably told him lies or tried to hide things about herself that you know that she doesn't want him to know. Priceless!

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  • 2 weeks later...

OK here we go again. I ran into ex with her mother, first time I saw here without her new bf. I briefly chatted and introduced myself to her mom. Then a couple of days later, I see her walking with her kid to school, they have to pass by my house. I offered her a ride, and she accepted, then started babbling how her mother thought I was such a handsome and charming man. She gave me a big kiss on the cheek. Then, a couple of days later, she asks me to come over to my house, so that I can fix her bike, and have coffee with me. I declined, saying that I think that is not appropiate now, but that we can go for coffee someday. Then she asks me: but can you give me a lift? I say no, I can't, I'm busy. She calls me, I don't take the call. I then offer her to meet for coffee. She calls me, I don't see the call, had my phone inside and was out. She is still with her new bf. What do you make of this? This is after 3.5 months no contact.

Edited by Flabbergasted
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Go no contact. You have absolutely no reason to keep this woman in your life. Delete her off social media, block her number and forget about her. Move on. You seem to be really enjoying the drama/wanting to be in it and I have no idea why. Just cut her out of your life and focus on yourself instead of getting sucked in to this drama. She's not worth your time, you're obviously not worth her's. She has another boyfriend. Let her go. Cut her out of your life and focus on yourself.

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OK she is back. She stood in front of my house with her kid, I took her into my car, brought her to school, and then had coffee with her. She told me her story, that due to my being cold and distant, and the new guy offering her trips and making her feel special, she fell for it. They broke it off just now. She told me that I was right after all, that he is a player who took advantage of her emotional state. I told her it was too bad all this happened, that we could have been together, that I understood that she had felt rejected by me, and that I am sorry for that, but that too much has happened now, and that I wish her well.

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OK she is back. She stood in front of my house with her kid, I took her into my car, brought her to school, and then had coffee with her. She told me her story, that due to my being cold and distant, and the new guy offering her trips and making her feel special, she fell for it. They broke it off just now. She told me that I was right after all, that he is a player who took advantage of her emotional state. I told her it was too bad all this happened, that we could have been together, that I understood that she had felt rejected by me, and that I am sorry for that, but that too much has happened now, and that I wish her well.

 

I would just give her the number for a tattoo removal place and send her on her way. She needs to fix a whole lot for you to even consider reconciliation. I would bow gracefully out of her life and go back to no contact. She clearly has issues with needing someone to give her attention. You would hate to always have to worry about her "not being happy enough" with you and running off with someone else. It seems like you've moved on pretty well, so keep moving on!

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Im telling you now: This girl is a life leech. Instead of doing things for herself and for her child, she will leech on to whomever is a better prospect and who can provide her with a good life. She is going to leech on to you and remain in your life. She will never willingly leave your life. She is going to call you, ask for favors, money, a place to stay, rides, dinners whatever she needs she will ask you. Its not about you, it fact it never was about you its about her and what you can do. She is not an entertainment system, don't keep her around for the fun of it. Tell this one to have a good life.

This is a warning... get rid of the leech.

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OK good people, I have a confession to make. This weekend I spent almost all weekend with her. She declared her love for me, but said that due to my rejecting her and her new boyfriend paying her rent for 4 months, she decided she had no choice but to be with him. We fought on sunday, I then kicked her out of my house. She banged the doors and windows for 3 hours, and then left. Obviously now she is mad, and back to the new boyfriend. It is a rollercoaster, but I can't take her back after all that has happened and the way she has gone about things. Will try to be strong from now on, but I am afraid she might show up again in the coming weeks. It is all or nothing with her, I just can't take her in now.

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OK good people, I have a confession to make. This weekend I spent almost all weekend with her. She declared her love for me, but said that due to my rejecting her and her new boyfriend paying her rent for 4 months, she decided she had no choice but to be with him. We fought on sunday, I then kicked her out of my house. She banged the doors and windows for 3 hours, and then left. Obviously now she is mad, and back to the new boyfriend. It is a rollercoaster, but I can't take her back after all that has happened and the way she has gone about things. Will try to be strong from now on, but I am afraid she might show up again in the coming weeks. It is all or nothing with her, I just can't take her in now.

 

I think that's funny, you spend all weekend with her, then you kick her out of your house then you say "Im afraid she might show up again" If that isn't a crock of dung I don't know what is. Dude, you love your leech... and don't worry, she will come back. I told you this girl is using you for her benefit not yours. She has her leech claws in you and you can say all you want I know youll take her back in a heartbeat.

If that's the type of rollercoaster you want, hey, have fun with your leech. She will use you as long as you allow it.

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I think that's funny, you spend all weekend with her, then you kick her out of your house then you say "Im afraid she might show up again" If that isn't a crock of dung I don't know what is. Dude, you love your leech... and don't worry, she will come back. I told you this girl is using you for her benefit not yours. She has her leech claws in you and you can say all you want I know youll take her back in a heartbeat.

If that's the type of rollercoaster you want, hey, have fun with your leech. She will use you as long as you allow it.

 

Thanks No1 for your input. The problem is, her situation is extremely desperate financially. We live in a foreign country. She has no money at all, nor family. The new guy pays her appartment for 4 more months. If she ditches him, she is literally on the street. When I met her, the situation was different, but I asked her to sort out her stuff first, find a job etc and then we could consider a serious relationship. I was not prepared then to take her and her son into my house. This weekend I could see that she really wants to live with me, but too much has happened for me to accept that, so we fought and she has no option as to live in the temporary appartment. Basically, what I can do is either take her in, or let her go and sort herself out. New dude has no chance in the longer term I think, but for her it is the only option (she thinks). If she would have shown me a bit more effort in putting herself back on her feet, in stead of going on trips with new dude and sticking her head in the sand, I would have taken her more seriously. She lost 10 kilos in the last 3 months (with new dude) she measures 1.83 and now only weighs 49 kilos! It is a desperate situation, but still I can't work with her because another dude is involved. Complicated.

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Its not that complicated. You don't have to be her knight. I know it sounds harsh. Im sorry she is in this situation but that's not your fault. If you want to help her, hey, more power to you but she can not be your girlfriend. She will only use you. She is a survivor and will go to the one that can help her now. BTW, if she wanted to really be with you she would be in your house right now. She chose money and survival over you.

Its not your fault she is in this situation, its hers, where is her childs father? Why doesn't he have the child? Anyway...she will drain you. Financially, mentally, physically. She is a leech you don't need in your life. If you want to help her, help her find solutions to her situation and not just a band aid.

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No1 that is exactly what I did and I agree 100%, I don't want to be her knight, I think she needs to be on her own feet before entering a serious relationship. Father of the boy disappeared when he found out of her with me. Has stopped all payments since may. I have not offered her my house, she still lived in the house her ex paid for. I helped her just now to find a lawyer to get her ex to resume payments (she does not speak the language) etc. She considered at the time that I rejected her, and found the new guy, who promised her the sky and the stars and now has prepaid 4 months of rent for an appartment. She is in survival mode, totally. Ofcourse that is not my fault, and I found it too much to take her on at the time, after only knowing her 8 months and little by little understanding her situation. I think she is right to do what she does, being in survival mode, I feel sad because I think things could have been different had she talked to me and asked me directly for help. I can also understand that she felt rejected, I was very uncomfortable with the situation at the time, and I indeed rejected her... not in THAT way but in the sense that I told her to please sort her divorce out, get agreements with her ex, find a job etc... she was in my house this weekend, I think to make a final effort to get me to take her in, but I am too hurt by her "betrayal" and I don't really trust the situation, her motives are not clear now, she cannot think clear, so does she love me or not? Who knows? I think she does, but her survival instinct prevails now.

Edited by Flabbergasted
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I have never given her money, and I won't. I am prepared to help her, translating, looking for jobs, lawyer, this weekend I helped her move stuff, repaired her bike etc. (almost too much) That was exactly my attitude. Now I am pretty much rid of her, due to the fact that I literally kicked her out on sunday night, but we all know that will change again. We'll see what happens, I will maintain my position, and let the other dude be her knight.

Edited by Flabbergasted
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Thanks everybody for bearing with me. This morning I saw her for what I guess is a final time. She came to pick up her bike, I cussed her out, called her names, and sent her away. It is not normal to say I love you to one guy on sunday, and then to the other guy on monday, with only 5 hours difference. I am going on a trip for a couple of days, get her out of my system hopefully, what a mess, she is totally crazy. Indeed I feel sorry for her son, and almost also feel sorry for her new boyfriend, he hasn't got a clue about what happened this weekend!

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