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How to make him chase me again?


Diva777

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Hey everyone I've been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now. At first he seemed so obsessed with me and he acted this way for months and months. The past few months however he hasn't asked to hang out as much or hasn't been like the way he used to be. I know he isn't cheating on anything and I know he still loves me/wants to be with me.

 

He still has moments where he surprises me and acts really cute and says he can't wait to see me and he'll text/call saying really sweet things however the next week he'll act a little distant afterwards and need his space. And then he comes back around a few days later and shows me a lot of attention and love again.

 

I'm just wondering how can I make him chase me more? Is there a way to rekindle our love and get things back to the way they used to be when we were first together? I know I can't "make" him act a certain way so please no responses about me being silly about playing chasing games or being controlling and things like that. I just want things to feel exciting again. And we still do have exciting moments together, not just as frequently as we used to. Is this normal?

 

I really want to make him feel obsessed with me again. How can I do this? By acting a little distant myself maybe? Maybe by not responding as much and not being so available to him? I just don't want anything to backfire on me. Any help would be appreciated thanks!

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The simple answer is...you can't. He just isn't that excited to be around you.

Do you guys do anything or just hang out?

Does he have to always pick you up,or are you mobile?

 

Sometimes relationships just sort of Peter out.

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I know I can't "make" him act a certain way so please no responses about me being silly about playing chasing games or being controlling and things like that. I just want things to feel exciting again. And we still do have exciting moments together, not just as frequently as we used to. Is this normal?

 

Yes, it's normal. Also, it's my experience that when someone asks for advice, but puts a stipulation on said advice, such as the one you placed above, it's because they already know what they need to hear, they just don't want to hear it.

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I'm mobile but he always offers to pick me up. It's half and half..sometimes he just comes over and we hang out at the house and other times we go to dinner/movies. Does it really seem like it's not exciting being around me anymore? Normally when we do hang out he texts me that day or the night before and tells me how he can't wait to see me so now I'm confused

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Some relationships are not meant to last, they fade away with time, and yours seems to be one of them. If so, there's nothing you can do to make him "chase" you again (not to mention chasing has no place in a good, healthy relationship). If his feelings have diminished and he's on his way out, nothing you can do will bring him back. If they haven't, but he's just become comfortable in the relationship, then it's nothing for you to worry about, relationships change all the time and evolve, passion gets replaced by comfort and habit, and that's ok.

No guy will ever stay "hot" for you forever, however that doesn't mean he loves you any less.

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I don't really see where he seems not so interested in what you described. He seems attentive....seems into you. What is the point of wanting him 'obsessed' with you?! That's a bit dramatic and self centered don't you think?

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How do I know whether his feelings are gone or if he's just become comfortable? He says he still loves me and we normally see each other atleast a few times a week. He seems excited to see me whenever he picks me up or comes over so idk what to think

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How do I know whether his feelings are gone or if he's just become comfortable? He says he still loves me and we normally see each other atleast a few times a week. He seems excited to see me whenever he picks me up or comes over so idk what to think

 

Really???

 

So exactly where is it that he doesn't seem into you?? I am confused.

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It seems like a normal progression of a relationship to me? Things can't stay as intense as they were at the beginning...it's unrealistic. He's still making time for you, you go out on dates, he's excited to see you....what's the issue?

 

Maybe you need to fill your spare time with hobbies or other friends. Your partner can't be the centre of your world.

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How do I know whether his feelings are gone or if he's just become comfortable? He says he still loves me and we normally see each other atleast a few times a week. He seems excited to see me whenever he picks me up or comes over so idk what to think

 

I just saw your other thread... it looks to me like he needs a breather from the relationship. I don't know the nature of the problems you're having, or what prompted your big fights, but could it be that he needs some space to figure things out? And if he needs space, of course he won't text as much or see you as much - which doesn't necessarily mean he no longer loves you.

At this point, I'd say do nothing. Don't keep messaging him, but don't act colder either, just give him the space he needs and wait. If he initiates a text, reply in a light pleasant manner, and don't ask any relationship questions. I'm sure he'll let you know where you guys stand, as soon as he figures it out himself!

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The only reason why we've gone from seeing each other a few times a week to only texting each other for ONE week out of our entire 14 months together is because we had a fight a week ago and he said he needed space. However within this past week he's been sending me cute messages saying he still loves me and things like that. And no I didn't see him over the weekend but ive also been on vacation with family since Friday morning. It's pretty normal when a couple has a fight to want space right? I feel like my situation would be a lot worse if he wasn't communicating at all. And I think it's normal if you want space or time to cool down from a fight

 

And for the first 9 months or so of our relationship we spent every day together and every night together. We did everything together we spent so much time together that it was cute but on the other hand a little excessive. But we had a lot of fun doing it and neither one of us regret spending so much time together because we actually felt really close with each other doing that and we still feel close. But now I don't see him everyday normally it's only 3-4 times a week and we'll only spend a night or two a week together normally if he doesn't have work the next day.

 

He's told me before that the only reason why we don't spend as much time together is because he works so much. He says if he had a different job than he would be seeing me as much as we used to. Does that sound realistic and should I just trust him on that or does it sound like he's lost interest?

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You want him to chase you and be more into the relationship?

 

You have once chance, if you don't play that card right now he's going to dump you.

 

He's taking you for granted. The easily attained is unattractive, the less attainable is infinitely more desirable.

 

Take the example of the guy who goes out to hunt the deer. He'll sit in a tree for hours if not days, he'll withstand freezing temperatures, wind and rain, just to get a chance to "bag the buck". But if he was sitting on his porch one day and a deer walked up to him and gave him enough time to shoot it, he wouldn't feel nearly as good about his accomplishment.

 

Be less available. Don't return his calls or texts so fast. Don't be available when he wants to meet, 2 times out of every 3.

 

Watch his attraction start to rebuild. Then you can loosen it up a bit. But not all the way, never all the way. Not until you've got that ring on your finger and the baby in the basket. Maybe not even then.

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I don't understand the idea of chasing after a year into a relationship. How long does he need to chase? It sounds exhausting.

 

Is your question about how to improve your relationship? Make it more interesting? Need ideas to add interest? How interested are you in him? Is it a 2-way street?

 

What was the fight about?

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I admit I have only flicked through this quick , but it seems as though you have developed a kind of co dependency that is manifesting now the chase for him is over ..you thrive and "need" to have him chase you and without that you feel unwanted . That is how it reads to me.

 

The reality is no matter who you meet or how obsessed they first appear it will always calm down , this is all part of moving forward into a place of deeper love and mutual respect and "adoration" for each other .

 

You can't make him ...because for him the moment has now gone ..that is not bad ..it is how you are perceiving it that is bad .

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I don't really see where he seems not so interested in what you described. He seems attentive....seems into you. What is the point of wanting him 'obsessed' with you?! That's a bit dramatic and self centered don't you think?

 

I was thinking that too ---- I don't think that anyone will be "obsessed" like how they are in the first few months of a relationship. As it progresses, the oxytocin wears off and people become more relaxed and content. No one would ever get any work done if the 'butterflies' lasted for decades.

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