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An Apple a Day - A Dating Journal


Applewhite

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Anyone that pushes for sex after 7-8 dates without offering/agreeing to sexual exclusivity and commitment would've had me running the other way immediately. Not to mention the lack of planning and demand for "spontaneity", which you correctly identified as him not respecting your time.

 

All the rest of the pros and cons list aren't even relevant at that point.

 

I think you got way too invested in a guy you just went on several dates with and putting in way too much effort (eg creating a fake profile to suss out if he was indeed busy, that's a further waste of your time than you already did).

 

As Sportster pointed out, you need to simplify things. That big list of pros and cons wasn't necessary, neither was your investigation of whether he was indeed busy. A simple red flag, just one or two, should have been enough for you to decide this guy is not worth your time and move on to better things. You need to be more ready to write people off than you had been with this guy.

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I'm a little bit confused here.... First off you made it sound like him being a hairy beast is a bad thing.... And then in another post you made you said something about some guys not having as much hair as you wanted.... Really sounds super confusing.

 

As much as he doesn't sound like he knows what he wants you also kinda come off the same way especially considering how it sounds like despite the fact that you know he's not good for you and the cons outnumber the pros you listed you're still having a hard time letting things go.

 

Also the questions thing you guys answered on okc confirms this is as well. That's why I always say a lot of times people are never really truly honest with themselves.... We all create realities in our head but it's just that for some people they can't discern the realities they have created in their head what is actually going on.

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Where did I mention some guys not having as much hair as I want? (perhaps I was referring to their scalp and not their back).

 

Also not sure you realize this, but that cons list is something I wrote to help myself get over him. If it had worked out with us, and I knew he was invested to making it work, those are not things I'd worry about.

 

I know the way he is he is not what I want. That doesn't mean that I can just cut my emotions out of the picture just because they don't line up with my logic. I fail to see how this proves somehow that I don't know what I want.

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So since I am trying to fill my time, today I am doing some local volunteer activity. It hurts though because this was something we had planned to start and do together as a couple (his idea)

 

Friday I am going to a house party, where it is likely I will meet some new/like minded people. I expect many people there to be vegans, so I will bring hummus and bread and wine.

 

Saturday it's my friends birthday, another big house party where I might meet some new people.

 

I have nothing planned for Sunday. Maybe I should go for a long walk that day if it's not too humid.

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Where did I mention some guys not having as much hair as I want? (perhaps I was referring to their scalp and not their back).

 

Also, I know the way he is he is not what I want. That doesn't mean that I can just cut my emotions out of the picture just because they don't line up with my logic. I fail to see how this proves somehow that I don't know what I want.

 

There is this guy D who is really fun to talk to. This guy S, who lives a bit far away. D & S both have less hair than I would prefer - but I am trying to be open minded and not superficial...

 

I was referring to that. Hard to tell exactly what kind of hair you're talking about from that.

 

Then the sooner you learn to have logic override your emotions the less stress you'll have. Especially when it comes to dating. Not all people have that ability but when you get there................

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There is this guy D who is really fun to talk to. This guy S, who lives a bit far away. D & S both have less hair than I would prefer - but I am trying to be open minded and not superficial...

 

I was referring to that. Hard to tell exactly what kind of hair you're talking about from that.

 

Then the sooner you learn to have logic override your emotions the less stress you'll have. Especially when it comes to dating. Not all people have that ability but when you get there................

 

 

I know that statement in bold is true. But it's just so hard. I will say I am definitely closer to getting there than I was in the past - which I guess is a good thing. I just don't want to completely go cold in the sense that I don't take any risks to date someone, or just see something that may be a red flag and stop dating before really giving it a shot etc.

 

With S & D I did mean the hair on their head - should have been more clear on that. I did stop talking to both of them actually and don't intend to meet them.

 

Usually I am not too picky with body hair, but the hair on ManBoobs was inhuman. It really was strange.

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Usually I am not too picky with body hair, but the hair on ManBoobs was inhuman. It really was strange.

 

Gee the way you describe him, he sounds like an orangutang. Hairy, biting toenails, boobs. Did you meet him at the Bronx Zoo??

 

All that's missing is throwing poop out of a cage.

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Friday I am going to a house party, where it is likely I will meet some new/like minded people. I expect many people there to be vegans, so I will bring hummus and bread and wine.

 

Saturday it's my friends birthday, another big house party where I might meet some new people.

 

I have nothing planned for Sunday. Maybe I should go for a long walk that day if it's not too humid.

 

I think you should keep Sunday open for the new people you may meet on Friday and Saturday.

Sunday brunches are fun!!

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Gee the way you describe him, he sounds like an orangutang. Hairy, biting toenails, boobs. Did you meet him at the Bronx Zoo??

 

All that's missing is throwing poop out of a cage.

 

Your post made me literally LOL. Today I really feel the heartbreak and the reality setting in that we will probably never talk again. Similar to your situation, I wish he would make contact but at the same time I am grateful he isn't because if he did, I don't think I could be strong enough to resist.

 

Admittedly I am not 100% sure he bites his toenails. But he does bite his nails, and he did also make some statement about his toenails and say he does mess with them and showed me --- so it probably means he does.

 

If I closed my eyes and let my hand slide from his neck towards his back, I could imagine he was a werewolf. Thick, coarse hair. I've never seen anything like it. If you look at his chest from the front, you barely see any skin. I always thought gingers had less body hair. Boy was I wrong.

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So if possible I want to just speak less of ManBoobs and more of (potential) future dates.

 

I talked to this guy C, online very briefly and we decided to meet this Sunday. Normally I do weeks of screening, but I've figured people lie anyway so what's the point.

 

So far I know he is liberal (although not quite as liberal as me it seems), Agnostic, which are both important to me. I forgot to ask him if he smokes (that's a dealbreaker). He is ginger - which I seem to be into lately.

 

He also lives very close to me, which is convenient.

 

I suggested a coffee date to make it easy and light, and just to see if anything is there.

 

If it doesn't work out, we joked that I'd try a date with his twin

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I guess you like him for what he looks like because you are good looking too. Nowadays, hard to find a guy is fit, in perfect shape just like us. That's why he is in your mind because others aren't as good looking as him?

 

Well manboobs certainly has the genetics to be attractive, but I wouldn't call him 'fit'. (hence I call him ManBoobs lol). I mean I like his frame, he is tall and has an athletic frame (as do I, for a girl) but he doesn't eat healthy and he isn't really focusing on cardio. He just lifts weights, which I think is kind of dangerous (he did hurt his back doing it) and coupled with eating mcdonalds etc everyday it aint doing him much good.

 

It's not like I'm in great shape, but I'm not delusional about being an expert on nutrition while eating fastfood and diet coke every single day. (I can actually cook vegetables. Me 1, ManBoobs 0).

 

I think I just liked the idea of him. It was mostly that he was smart and came from a liberal family and understood/was interested in politics. We had so much in common that way. Also he was fascinated by math (although he wasn't as good at it as me). So little quirks that fit well with me.

 

I didn't like his insecurity and his need to compare himself to me. I didn't like his lying while claiming to be very honest etc. I mostly didn't like that he didn't know what he wanted, and he thought he could do better than me, and he let me go.

 

I keep repeating to myself: Whatever fleeting chance you may have had with me ManBoobs, you ruined by the way you treated me.

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I have been talking to S - we dated very briefly 2 years ago. It was very intense and dramatic, he had some emotional problems from a relationship that had messed with his head. We were both very attracted to each other. I want to look at this as just a date and have no expectations (though this guy did tell me he loved me pretty quickly last time - a bit creepy I know). He is extremely attractive, very smart and has a career. He also has a daughter with his ex wife.

 

I've also been talking to a new guy C -he is a redhead. Seems like a bookworm and a nerd (which are both good things).

 

Trying to push manboobs out of my mind. It's approaching 3 weeks NC now.

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Trying to push manboobs out of my mind. It's approaching 3 weeks NC now.

 

How did it end again? Did you text him and say you met someone else, goodbye? I vaguely remember something like that, but did you leave the door open for him to contact?

 

Are you hoping he contacts you?

 

Cuz I won't lie: I'm dying for the doctor to contact me. Yeah, I know I'm a hypocrite.

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How did it end again? Did you text him and say you met someone else, goodbye? I vaguely remember something like that, but did you leave the door open for him to contact?

 

Are you hoping he contacts you?

 

Cuz I won't lie: I'm dying for the doctor to contact me. Yeah, I know I'm a hypocrite.

 

Well it 'ended' twice. First time around I was pissed at him so I told him I met someone, please don't contact me again. I should have left it at that. He then claimed he deserves an explanation, which got us talking and against better instincts to try again - and we met one more time. He got us lunch, we walked around talked, kissed hugged.. After that I realized that my 'relationship' with him was stalling while his with other females was progressing (he was sleeping with another woman, and not me at that point). I also realized he blatantly lied to me in the beginning, and had I known his not readiness-wanting to date around I would have never met him.

 

So I texted him: "If you were interested enough all of this would be a non issue. For that reason alone, this is my last text to you."

 

By all of this, I meant his wishy washiness about not knowing when he'd be ready for a relationship, sleeping with other women, telling me he slept with other women etc...

 

Do I want him to contact me? Yes and no. If he does, I desperately want to say:

 

"Whatever fleeting chance you may have had with me at one point, you ruined."

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So I went on a date with S. On paper he looks great. Great job, smart, handsome, Brit accent...

Perhaps not so thrilled with how much he drinks and his e-cigarettes (step up from last time I dated him and he was smoking though).

 

There are other, small things about him that bother me - and I can't tell if I am making a big deal out of nothing and comparing him unfairly to ManBoobs or if they are genuine concerns.

 

He tends to rush into relationships (and marriages) quickly, so thats another thing I want to watch out for...

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You gotta love the OLD dating profiles that start with frustration over how all women want "a good guy" and they are a good guy but no one wants them... then you keep reading and it turns out they are judgemental about women, what they wear, what they do and even misogynistic.

 

I've been struggling and wanting to contact ManBoobs. It's confusing, it's been a month now! Shouldn't I have moved on by now?

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