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She's in love with me but has a boyfriend


Pikachu
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Hi guys,

 

I'm in a bit of a really complicated situation here. I hope I can find some advice here..

 

It all started around new year. A girl named Sarah started to reply a lot (like everytime) I sended a snapchat. She also liked everything on Swarm/Fb I posted. In no time we were talking everyday from sunrise till sundown.

We really understood each other and had a lot of fun. But..., she had a boyfriend.

 

After a month she told things weren't going well with her boyfriend, but at that moment I really didn't care to much. It was all fun to me..

But we kept in contact and soon she started showing up at events where I also went. We had a lot of fun and at 1 event she practically ignored her boyfriend and talked and had fun with me the whole night.

 

After 2 months we texted each day and started calling each other. We really bounded and told each other everything.. There was also constant flirting in our texts.

 

After 3 months she broke up with her boyfriend (she dated him almost 2 years), because they had different interests and had a lot of problems lately. At that moment I was of course happy and started to see a future with her. But of course she needed time to heal from her breakup and that is where things went a bit to fast.

 

Only 2 weeks later there was a partyweekend in our neighbourhood and we kissed. 2 days later we kissed again and the day after again and the day after again. Things got serious now and we agreed to plan a date 2 weeks later at her place. She insisted on waiting 2 weeks because things went a bit to fast for her. I understood the situation and 2 weeks later we saw each other at her place. In the meantime we kept contact, and talked liked always the whole day long..

 

Now at the first date, we watched a movie and ended up in kissing and having sex. I stayed the night and it was awesome. We agreed to do the same thing over a week later. A week later we again had sex 3 times at one night and talked all night. But, now things went south. When I was going to leave at her place, she told me out of the blue that she didn't had feelings for me and only saw no future for us. I was devastated and ignored her for 2 days. In those 2 days she texted me 17 times and called me 9 times in a row. Eventually she texted that she was wrong and wanted to give us a try... Only 2 days later she again changed her mind and told me over the phone that she only saw a good friend in me and nothing more..

 

 

I felt used and went NC immediately. A few days later I heard she went back to her boyfriend the day after I cut contact (owyeah, she claims she told him everything that had happened between us). Of course I was heartbroken and didn't understood anything. We really had a super good connection and laughed all day long and had amazing sex. Last week I saw her at a party and had to break the NC because she insisted on talking with me. The NC lasted 52 days. In those days she texted me that she was very sorry that she hurt my feelings, but I didn't respond to the text. She also tried to call me 9 times and a mutual friend contacted me in her name to say Sarah was feeling very sorry.. Her friend also told me that she literally called her every day to talk about me..

 

So last week we finally talked at the party and she told me that she misses me a lot and that I understand her much better than her boyfriend. I asked why she went back to him and she said she didn't know.. I also asked if the reason why she broke up in the first place was still there and she said 'yes, nothing has changed'. I told her that we can't be friends or more as long as the current situation won't change (=she being back with her boyfriend). Then she talked to my best friend and told him that she loved me. Her boyfriend was at this party too, but it didn't kept her from talking to me and my friends..

 

Now present day, I haven't heard from her in 12 days. I'm waiting on a text from her every minute of the day and I don't know what i should do. My mind says I have to go NC until she realizes that she loves me and breaks up with her boyfriend, but the waiting is getting very very hard.. I also doubt if I can ever trust her again, because so much has happened already.

 

What do you guys think is going to happen? I she ever going to leave her boyfriend for me again? Or is she just so confused and playing with my feelings?

I actually still love her..

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You got what you deserved, as you were pursuing her when she had a boyfriend. Doesn't sound like she ever broke up with the boyfriend.

 

She has not treated either of you nicely, and for the life of me, i don't know why you would want a repeat. I guess you like the drama!!!!!

 

BTW, she's not in love with you.

Edited by Hollyj
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I think you're a fall back position, an in case of emergency break glass guy.

 

Put it this way, if she loved you for real there's nothing that would stop her from being with you.

 

Is she with you? No, she's still with the boyfriend. That says it all.

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My mind says I have to go NC until she realizes that she loves me and breaks up with her boyfriend

 

You're using no contact as some sort of manipulative tool to trick her into thinking she loves you?

 

Now that's a losing strategy if I ever saw one.

 

Almost as bad as trying to date girls who have boyfriends.

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In no time we were talking everyday from sunrise till sundown.
What? Really? Why would you waste your time like that online? You're going to get a vitamin D deficiency from lack of sunshine which can lead to many health problems, one of which is depression and, you're doing it with a girl that has a boyfriend... Yes, indeed. How could you ever trust her.

 

Next time back away from chicks who have a boyfriend. Don't entertain them from sunrise till sundown, for goodness sakes.

 

Move on, nothing else for you to do with someone who you can't trust and who tells you outright that she only sees you as a friend and "nothing more." Learn from this and go forth in your pursuit of someone free to be with you.

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I guess op is thinking about every other posts from here when people says "she met him before you broke up and she is now happy, move on she will never come back" I never touched or hit a girl with a bf but some of my ex left me for someone else. My recent one left me to have fun because she probably realized after being hiting on she can remplace me easily.

 

OP, you or her bf will loose (maybe there is more guys) we can't help you because we don't know her and basically you're the bad guy in this story... I have a question, How could you trust a girl like her if she chooses you ?

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Personally, (and I realize that everyone has differing opinions on this), getting her back is not impossible the NC strategy is your best bet but, make sure she’s worth it to begin with. Based on your story she sounds very confused – and her bouncing act only works because you both let her do this, think about it, what does she have to lose? If he won’t take her back you will and vice versa.

 

I don’t think she is playing with your feelings - if anything you are meeting her needs for the moment, than he is meeting her needs. Yeah, believe it or not, women need sex as much as men do. I empathize with your texting dilemma. I remember countless times that I’d text a guy and he wouldn’t reply and it’d ruin my day. I’d be obsessing over why he hadn’t replied.

 

I wish you luck, as you sort your way through this mess (oh boy!).

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The no contact strategy to get your ex back doesn't exist. No contact is to allow yourself to heal by removing the source of your pain. A side effect MAY be that they start to miss you and reach out but if you actually expect that to happen you'll be waiting till hell freezes over.

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The no contact strategy to get your ex back doesn't exist. No contact is to allow yourself to heal by removing the source of your pain. A side effect MAY be that they start to miss you and reach out but if you actually expect that to happen you'll be waiting till hell freezes over.

 

Obviously it does exist. He is employing it. I have read many posts on here where it has been used that way (results vary). You may not endorse that strategy (nor do I), but saying it doesnt exist is a false statement.

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  • 3 years later...

She actually came back in September 2015. A month later we were together until 20 days ago :(. So the relationship lasted 3 years. We had an amazing time together, went on 3 holidays and had an amazing connection. Until the last few months she started doubting everything in her life and from then I felt she wasn't 100% committed anymore to the relationship. We had lots of fights because she didn't considered me a priority in her life. I'm 27 and I'm working for 5 years while she is still a student...

Actually she started working just a week ago, but unfortunately we aren't together anymore. The reason for the breakup is that she wanted space and time and she said I couldn't give that to her. I think the main reason for the breakup is the lack of maturity on her side and we both want different things from a relationship (she is 23). So I guess the age difference is the main reason for the breakup.. I immediately went NC and asked her not to call or text me ever again so I could heal from the breakup..

 

You guys will probably tell me I got what I deserved.. But we really had an amazing time together and she didn't cheat or anything..

 

Right now I'm having a tough time. I'm seeking for closure but I know deep down we still loves me very much and misses me and something tells me we are destined for each other.. I guess time will tell?

 

DAY 20 NC

Edited by Pikachu
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She actually came back in September 2015. A month later we were together until 20 days ago :(. So the relationship lasted 3 years. We had an amazing time together, went on 3 holidays and had an amazing connection. Until the last few months she started doubting everything in her life and from then I felt she wasn't 100% committed anymore to the relationship. We had lots of fights because she didn't considered me a priority in her life. I'm 27 and I'm working for 5 years while she is still a student...

Actually she started working just a week ago, but unfortunately we aren't together anymore. The reason for the breakup is that she wanted space and time and she said I couldn't give that to her. I think the main reason for the breakup is the lack of maturity on her side and we both want different things from a relationship (she is 23). So I guess the age difference is the main reason for the breakup.. I immediately went NC and asked her not to call or text me ever again so I could heal from the breakup..

 

You guys will probably tell me I got what I deserved.. But we really had an amazing time together and she didn't cheat or anything..

 

Right now I'm having a tough time. I'm seeking for closure but I know deep down we still loves me very much and misses me and something tells me we are destined for each other.. I guess time will tell?

 

DAY 20 NC

 

I'm not surprised you only lasted a short time together. When you start a relationship on quick sand, its soon going to sink for one reason or another. Had you left her where she was (gone) way back in 2015 you'd most likely be well over her by now and with a good woman who knows what fidelity and commitment actually mean.

 

Hopefully you'll stop all contact with her now so that you can actually get to the stage of indifference to her so you can find a good woman with good romantic relationship boundaries in place. I also hope you've learned to stay away from chicks who already have a boyfriend.

 

You? Stop hoping she comes back yet again. You need to be with someone else because being off and on with someone is natures way of telling you that you're with the wrong person.

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My head says absolutely no, but my heart still loves her very much. We had lots of arguments because I want our relationship to move forward and get more serious, while she puts partying first. She never was single for longer then 1 month so I doubt she can value the worth of a really good relationship and connection. I’ll see what the future will bring.. Maybe now that she started working she’ll get more mature and realize how good she had it with me..

 

I’m going to focus on myself and try to forget her..

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I'm so sorry love [emoji173] we all have our ups and downs and our imperfections as well! No one person is perfect or above you or her too. Unfortunately it didn't work out twice but you know what I've always been a sucker for seeing people go thru hell and back and some things I don't even think I could forgive but I'm not proud.

 

I

I don't want to tell you what to do! Only you alone in the end will know truly in your heart what you want [emoji173] from the beginning of your few sentences I could tell already there's still very much a feeling of love and wanting but...it's not my buisness either way...I just hope you continue to love like that. I mean who takes the time to tell a story like this? You do and did!

 

I'm going to tell you right now love that's life, there's things you couldn't begin to imagine that you're going to feel and go through in life but you know what that means CHANGE is coming! It's time to switch up into the next chapter of your life tho you love her, me personally I would've been like SMH [emoji52] only because you're young and you have your whole life but again I'm a sucker for romantics. I believe you have already made the decision for yourself you just needed to be heard.

 

You do what's best for you, your are worthy of love! She as well!

 

Talk it out like real real talk [emoji102] lol if you chose to move on you will miss her of course and you'll go back [emoji849] trust me I've done it like a million basilian times LOL I have that same curse too like you, A loving and understanding heart [emoji173][emoji173]

 

Don't let anyone decide for you!

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The no contact strategy to get your ex back doesn't exist. No contact is to allow yourself to heal by removing the source of your pain. A side effect MAY be that they start to miss you and reach out but if you actually expect that to happen you'll be waiting till hell freezes over.

 

+100%. . . .

 

Someone disagreed with you, but I think missed the point - if you want the ex back, it is still the best strategy anyway, because if you improve yourself, maybe they will be re-attracted if they do ever reach out.

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