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Gf is going to weekend festival with guy friends. Doesn't want me to go.


davekin
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Long story short, I was invited to go to a long weekend festival. Then I was uninvited by my gf. She told me it is not fair to her friends who are sharing the hotel with her. They had planned this trip before my gf and I ever met. Her friends that are going are guys and they are not taking their girlfriends to this festival.

 

She claims she wants me to go, but I can't because it will upset them. This has left me upset. How upset would this get other people? I trust that she is not fooling around with them, but I am hurt that I am not being included and my feelings are second to her friends. Am I making a big deal out of this?

 

We have been dating for 3 months, she and her friends are in their mid 20s. I'm 35.

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I disagree. Something feels off here.

 

Are you guys official? If you are her boyfriend why would it upset them if you attend as well?

 

Travel plans are made to be changed. Why aren't the girlfriends going as well if it is one big happy family?

 

Or maybe that is a sign of the age difference between the two of you. She is still at the couchsurfing stage while you are more at the stage where everyone can afford their own room.

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Thank you both for the quick replies.

Yes we are official and tell each other that we love each other all the time. I think the other girlfriends aren't going because of lack of interest in the festival.

Part of me says to put my big boys pants on and let them be. The other part tells me this might be a future sign of commitment issues and care of my feelings.

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Yes I have met the friends. And the idea of me staying elsewhere at the festival is ok with my gf. But that is definitely not ok with me. I would rather not go, than get my own room and my gf still sleep in the room with the other boys.

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I think she is hiding something she doesn't want to disclose to you. If you were invited first and she uninvited you there is something she is not honest to you about. I am sure she won't tell you either... anyways....unless all of her guy friends are 100% gay I think you have something valid to worry about.

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No, I stated that I trust her. My concern is of my feelings coming last to everyone else. If I am her bf and lover, I feel I should be included with none of this drama.

If the tables were turned I would include her regardless of what my friends think about it.

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Okay - if all these people are guys, she would have her own hotel room and the guys would share, right? So how would that hurt their feelings? It would just be a matter of you sleeping with your girl, where their arrangement won't change, or is she hiding the fact they are all rooming together? I don't know about you, but if I was going to a festival with friends, I might jump at the chance to be able to split the trip more ways and it to come out cheaper for all involved.

 

What would bother me is that she wanted you to come UNTIL she decided their feelings would be hurt, which makes me feel one of them voiced their opinion and then she reversed her decision on you. Rather than she not inviting you because the trip was booked. its not that you shouldn't trust her - but the fact that she ininvited you to save THEIR feelings that would concern me more. If she had never invited you, that would be a different matter.

 

 

I would keep an eye on things going forward.

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No one said gang-bang. And the thread is under Age Gap which is the issue. The gf is still down with the low rent music festival where 5 people share a single hotel room and live off of junk food for the weekend.

 

Just an interesting dynamic when she is the only female there and she is more worried about hurting the blokes feelings then finding a way to include her new guy.

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No, I stated that I trust her. My concern is of my feelings coming last to everyone else. If I am her bf and lover, I feel I should be included with none of this drama.

If the tables were turned I would include her regardless of what my friends think about it.

 

Do you think you should be involved in all her social activities?

 

If she has been spending most of her time with you since you have started dating, you can not conclude that this event is showing her putting her friends needs above yours....

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Geeze, life is too short for this ruminating lol.

 

Newsflash, Davekin. A couple do NOT have to do absolutely everything together. In fact it is a healthy sign when they do things separately as well as together.

 

Not at all. If she was going with all women, or couples, or a mix of guys and gals - he wouldn't care.

 

Its the fact that she invited, then disinvited to not hurt THEIR feelings. its not like "you know, i know i invited you, but we wanted to make this a girl's weekend" (if it were all girls.) or "You know, I found out that the show is sold out and there are no more tickets. I know I invited you - but I am sorry."(girls or guys), not "i don't want to hurt their feelings"

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well her friends clearly think that having you there will be a party kill for them ..and indeed the dymanics in a group of friends does change when one takes their SO with them .. as this was planned pre you and you and her are only 3 months into this I would just let it go .

 

Of course I have thought , does the one that is shouting the loudest have an agenda and that's why he doesn't want you to go !! but ..... he could have an agenda festival or not ..and that is only me jumping to huge conclusions .

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well her friends clearly think that having you there will be a party kill for them ..and indeed the dymanics in a group of friends does change when one takes their SO with them .. as this was planned pre you and you and her are only 3 months into this I would just let it go .

 

Of course I have thought , does the one that is shouting the loudest have an agenda and that's why he doesn't want you to go !! but ..... he could have an agenda festival or not ..and that is only me jumping to huge conclusions .

 

Thanks for your input. It's exactly what my "good cartoon angel" on my shoulder tells me, ha. But it's also not a good way of making me comfortable with her and friends relationships. It's made our relationship uncomfortable to be honest.

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