Misskitty16 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I went back on POF reluctantly, after having lost my mom recently. I guess because I am vulnerable right now, I am attracting the wrong people. Anyways, I had ONE date with this guy where there was no intimacy whatsoever (a peck on the cheek at the end of dinner - I just wasn't that attracted). He is ready to remove his profile and I think he wanted me to, also. He calls every day and I am on another line he will "beep" in several times until I pick up. He signs his emails, "Love, _____" and says we have everything in common (we really don't have all that much in common). He already wants me to meet his daughter when she comes down (in his defense, she is grown, not a little kid - but still). Am I just being overly cautious? The last guy I met turned out to have multiple domestic violence charges (I cancelled the date). There is more, too, but I'll just start with this.... Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 no it's not you ..he is full on ..one date and acting like that .... he is desperately grabbing onto you . Link to comment
Raminco Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. Link to comment
musicman777 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 OP, this guy is definitely getting a bit overboard and you are not overly cautious. Regardless of you having only been on one date, it is wildly inappropriate to constantly call someone until they pick up unless it's a life or death situation. Secondly, I think it's weird and too soon for him to be signing his emails with "love". Last but not least, I think he is taking this too seriously wanting to have you meet his daughter so soon in like you two are a thing already. Even the removing the POF profile is a bit overkill at this point. You two only went on one date, he's treating this as if you two are serious. Is this guy nuts?! It just sounds like he is going way over the top so early. You also said the date had zero intimacy and you don't think you two have anything in common. If you are not into him, then just move on. I would cut things off with him if you didn't like him that much. Write him an email and say thank you for the date but you did not enjoy the date together and didn't really feel anything for him. Afterwards block his email and phone so he can't keep pesting you. Even if you liked this guy and wanted to try again, I would probably just move on. It sounds like he is confused and fell for you too easily, and I would be weary of someone who called you constantly like that, it may escalate if things got anymore serious. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Sounds like a weirdo. I think your judgment is off, due to your loss and urgency to have someone as an emotional bandaid. Not good, or fair. Maybe, you should continue to mourn the loss of your parent and not jump into dating. I lost my dad a year ago, and I am just now feeling ready to date. Don't date people to make you feel emotionally whole. Only you can do that. Link to comment
ConfusedLady21 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Run as quickly as you can while you still have a chance! Link to comment
j.man Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I went back on POF reluctantly, after having lost my mom recently. I guess because I am vulnerable right now, I am attracting the wrong people.These two kinda go hand in hand. It's not so much you're attracting these people... these people would be messaging you regardless. It's more that your filter is gonna be pretty compromised while you're struggling. I'd say half of it is your vulnerable emotional state and the other half is... well... it's POF. Dude's a creeper. I'd take a bit longer of a break if you can bear it. Link to comment
Misskitty16 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 Ok, so glad to know I was not overreacting. The irony is, he was a total gentleman on the date, so respectful, and even brought me a little gift. But I have dated men who initially were like that and later turned out to be quite volatile. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Ok, so glad to know I was not overreacting. The irony is, he was a total gentleman on the date, so respectful, and even brought me a little gift. But I have dated men who initially were like that and later turned out to be quite volatile. funnily enough ... I dont date but have a million stories from my friends ..and everytime my friend met someone who was full on after one date like this , they all turned out to be a nutter in some form or another . Link to comment
Misskitty16 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 funnily enough ... I dont date but have a million stories from my friends ..and everytime my friend met someone who was full on after one date like this , they all turned out to be a nutter in some form or another . Yeah, I just had to post because while he seems so kind and gentle, everything in my gut says RUN. So it is good to read these posts. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Yeah, I just had to post because while he seems so kind and gentle, everything in my gut says RUN. So it is good to read these posts. ahh the good old gut ... *passes kitty her running shoes* hehe Link to comment
Misskitty16 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 ahh the good old gut ... *passes kitty her running shoes* hehe He also has an arrest record, but it was dismissed (not for DV, though, something else). I pulled up the county record, so I know he was telling the truth. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 OMG, not another criminal... Did you find out about the arrest before or after you went on the date? Yeah, I agree...your judgment is flawed currently. You want so badly to have a man in your life (by your own admission), so you're setting yourself on a course to be settling for anyone who speaks nicely to you. I promise you, there are millions of men who do not have arrest records! And this man knows this, which is why he's anxious to glom onto you. He knows most women would run in the opposite direction. Miss K., please don't take this the wrong way...but I don't think you are at all ready to date. You could end up getting yourself into a very bad situation with the way you're going about it right now. Just the fact that you have to ask strangers online about this guy (and the previous one) when they clearly have some serious issues proves you're not in a good place to protect yourself. Just as a side note, I stopped dating for several years because I kept choosing younger losers with no real job who lived off their parents and who abused illegal drugs and who cheated, lied and/or stole. I no longer trusted my own judgment, so I stopped dating to protect myself. Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Run as fast as you can!!!!!!!! I was talking to a guy who asked after we met & got along could he move into my house as he wanted someone to love & be his forever !!!! BLOCKED !!! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I agree. What is with all the guy's with records? I think you really need to lay off of dating, as your picker is seriously off. These guys are total losers. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 OMG, not another criminal... Yeah, I agree...your judgment is flawed currently. You want so badly to have a man in your life (by your own admission), so you're setting yourself on a course to be settling for anyone who speaks nicely to you. Miss K., please don't take this the wrong way...but I don't think you are at all ready to date. You could end up getting yourself into a very bad situation with the way you're going about it right now. Just the fact that you have to ask strangers online about this guy (and the previous one) when they clearly have some serious issues proves you're not in a good place to protect yourself.. ^ THIS. OP, you are not in a good place, or ready to be dating right now. You need to take some time off to get to a healthier place before getting into the dating scene or relationships. Where you are at right now is not conducive to a healthy, successful relationship. Time out. Link to comment
Misskitty16 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 Yup, two criminals, two different websites. Technically, the "new" one was acquitted, but still did time - couldn't make bail (?). Yes, he told me straight up but wouldn't go into detail on the phone. I told him I would not meet him until I knew the whole story (county records only tell me so much). So he may be obsessive, but he is honest. I agree my sniffer is off. Quite frankly, I have not even enjoyed these dates. Perhaps I should hide my profile (again). Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I think you need to take a break, and enjoy your friends, and yourself. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I think you need to take a break, and enjoy your friends, and yourself. I agree with this; I think your "picker" IS off, and this is not an insult to you -- it's just that there are times in all (or at least most) of our lives when taking a break from dating is a really good idea, and if we date when we should be taking a little break, we might choose the wrong people -- or they may choose us, or both. I took a pretty LONG one -- went nearly four years going on only three dates with one guy (who disappeared on me after date 3) and one coffee date with another that didn't amount to anything -- but the rest of the time I was working on myself, working on having a good life, doing activities I enjoyed, spending time with good friends and family, exercising, working -- and I really became someone who had a lot to bring to the table. As the old cliche goes, "Be someone YOU would want to date." This wasn't always the case with me, but now it is, and I met a great guy. The criminal record thing is troubling. For me, anything other than a minor drug offense (i.e. a small amount of pot) or MAYBE a DUI many, many years prior (with no discernible drinking or drug problems in the present) would be the extent of the criminal record I would tolerate. It's OK to not date for awhile -- even for a long while. It doesn't say anything about you -- that you're un-dateable or anything. It just says you need a break to focus on yourself. Sometimes, these breaks need to last awhile. Link to comment
Misskitty16 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 They are definitely choosing me. I don't know why a "normal" guy would not find me appealing on the same website. My profile is good and doesn't reek of anything weird, my pics are good. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 But you're choosing to respond to the ones with criminal records and who have issues. And you're choosing to continue to communicate with them. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 You aren't being cautious enough. Stop responding to him at all, delete and block him on every channel and no matter how he persists do not answer or respond. If he continues after you then file a police report, report him to the dating sight. Normally I'm not one for the disappearing act, but when you can see they are clearly criminal or unstable and you barely know them you don't owe them an explanation and some of them can get dang crazy and scary when you tell them you won't see them again. (I had that happen.) So just disappear from this guy's life already. You have a full-on ready to turn stalker nutball on your hands. Stop engaging with him in any way. Learn that when you first see a red flag you end all communications right then and there and block and delete. It keeps you safer in online dating, because yeah you will run accross the occasional scary one. So get a little more ruthless about protecting yourself, there's no shame in that. People with problems will pick anyone, they aren't picking you out of a large crowd of women. They're picking out anyone they think is attractive, has something they can use and/or glom on to and are doing that with multiple women including you. Your problem is you keep responding to these guys after you see the first red flags. Criminal history? Couldn't make bail? Delete, block, move on. Gets weird and starts seeing a relationship before we even know each other? Block, delete, move on. Yes, you will need to turn quite a few away and that's okay. The good ones only find you if they aren't being blocked by all the bad ones wasting your time. So either as others have said take a break or just have that delete and block feature at the ready. Most times it is what it looks like and really it's not "Oh gee, he had a serious criminal history and he makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck, but he was the "one" for me," in fact that's never the case. That's what I learned do in online dating and voila no more scary dates and looking over my shoulder after a time. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 But you're choosing to respond to the ones with criminal records and who have issues. And you're choosing to continue to communicate with them. Yup! You are choosing to respond and go out with the losers. Link to comment
MinziGirl Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I know this is old fashioned but let time tell if he is for real or not. If a guy is hitting on you so fast, it is also possible that he will cool off you also so fast. Link to comment
Misskitty16 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 I agree - I communicate with them even after I learn of their criminal record. Even though he was acquitted, it still stuck with me, though. He just seemed so nice and respectful towards me. But I won't see him again. Guy #2 drinks too much and seems to have a bad temper towards authority at work - I don't like that (although he has had the same job forever). He seems to have inner volatility, like he is wound real tight. Guy #3 I liked - a retired teacher (I am older), but of course, since he was not a criminal, I never heard back from him, lol! Link to comment
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