looking4truth Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 I really need some advice. I just found out that my bf has been cheating on me not only with a Tgirl but with a woman as well. I confronted him and asked every question I could think of about all the affairs he has had. It didn't make me feel better hearing that he had real feelings for this woman and that he didn't want to end the relationship with her. We have decided to take a break and have some alone time, but he is going to continue to pursue tho other relationship. He also wants to go to couples counseling but what is the point of working on us if he is going to keep seeing this other woman. I love him very much and we had plans to get married and have children together. I'm considering the counseling to see if we have anything to save or at least get some closure and help from a professional. Is this just a waste of time and money? It is so fresh I don't have the ability to think clearly and would really appreciate your help and advice. Link to comment
ndnd05 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Run. Get out. That is horrible of him Link to comment
shygirl82 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 I agree. It's simply not worth the heartache. He sounds like a scumbag and you're honestly better off alone. Link to comment
ndnd05 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 "I want to work on the relationship, buut im not going to even attempt to change right now." What a loser. I know you love him but that is a horrible thing to do. Not only is he a lying deceiving cheater, but he obviously feels very little remorse if any and has no consideration for you or your feelings. You deserve more Link to comment
Pixels Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Sounds like he needs a polyamorous partner... If that's what he needs, I can't scold him for it. I've known a few healthy polyamorous marriages, and hey... You can't expect him to deny who he really is just to make you happy... However, being in a monogamous relationship and hiding it is inexcusable. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 He also wants to go to couples counseling but what is the point of working on us if he is going to keep seeing this other woman. There is no point here, he simply wants to play around while he keeps you on the back burner, in the event he's unable to find a better deal. To sum it all up he's a sleaze, and you deserve better than what this clown has to offer. Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Most couples counselors will not agree to see a couple if one of them is currently having an affair. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 I'm considering the counseling to see if we have anything to save or at least get some closure and help from a professional. Is this just a waste of time and money? Counseling for yourself would be a good investment, but counseling as a couple would be a waste of both money and your healing time. While I can appreciate the shock, you're not talking about a one-time incident where he can assure both you and himself that it will never happen again. There is no fix or cure for ongoing disloyalty. I wouldn't call this a 'break,' I'd make it a clear and break up, and I'd cut all contact with this man. Head high, and write more if it helps. Link to comment
looking4truth Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 Thanks for all the great advice. I have since spoken with him and made it clear that if he wants us to try he has to stop seeing the other woman but it was his choice who he wants to invest in. He said he wouldn't speak to her anymore. He wants us to work on our relationship. As big of a relief as it was to know he was choosing me, I am still devastated by the betrayal. We have an appointment tomorrow morning with a counselor and we will go from there. I know we both need professional help. As to whether or not we will remain together remains to be seen. I just don't know if I could ever trust him again even with counseling. I hate that uneasy questioning feeling. I still love him very much so my judgment is clouded. I'm hoping to gain more clarity but any advice is welcome as to how to muddle through this deceit. Link to comment
missmoxie79 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 They don't usually cut off the other woman cold turkey, they just say they will and continue on. And he said already he wanted to see her. Doesn't sound like a good lasting bf Link to comment
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